I have written a sitcom pilot based on my experiences of being a door-to-door salesman.
Happy to email it to anyone who wants to offer feedback.
Spec script - Door To Door
Is it studio based. What's the premise(s)?
I done door to door for several well known home improvement companies for 10 years . including safestyle . that ' ya buy one , you get one free ' bloke on the ads is Geoff , he used to me my boss . he is as much a dickead in real life as he is on the ads lol
Put a a few pages on here or a link to it ... I'll read it and I'm sure a few others will too.
I like getting feedback on my feedback
Knock. Knock.
It's designed to be shot on location and predominantly follows the antics on the sales field and in the sales office.
Can anyone advise me on how to post a link of it on here as I only have it as a saved document?
Sorry Sam but your premise there dooms it as a sitcom I reckon. Research the form and look for what is wanted would be my advice before posting something. Sitcom like door to door sales is a hard knock life - and the six Ps apply equally to both.
sounds a lot like an idea I had when I quit the window business , was toying with the idea of a mockumentry following the canvassers and sales force , but never got round to it ..
Here are the first 2 scenes:
EXT - AT A DOOR - DAY
Tom is stood dressed in an inexpensive suit, with a brightly coloured bib covering his torso, displaying the slogan 'Save The Badgers'. He is holding a pitch card.
Tom gives the door several knocks and waits - inspecting the overgrown weeds in the garden. A middle-aged, shabby looking man (Steve) eventually answers the door, with a can of cider in hand, looking somewhat drunk.
TOM
Afternoon sir. My name's Thomas Webber and I'm just having a real quick chat with all your neighbours on behalf of The Badger Foundation.
Tom passes a pitch card to Steve.
TOM CONT'D
Have you heard of us before?
Steve inspects the pitch card.
STEVE
Something to do with badgers I imagine.
TOM
Absolutely sir. The Badger Foundation are on a never ending struggle to protect and conserve the habitats of all the UK's badgers.
Steve finishes the final gulps of his cider before crushing the can firmly in his hand and burying it deep into the overgrown weeds in his garden.
STEVE
Sorry...carry on.
TOM
Well today I'm looking for some positive people who will be able to help out The Badger Foundation for as little as £5 per month. I'm sure we'll be able to count on your support, right?
STEVE
Unlikely, to be honest mate. Especially if it's a never ending struggle. I mean, what's the point in supporting a never ending struggle? I'd literally be wasting money - and I haven't got a lot.
TOM
But The Badger Foundation do all that is possible...
STEVE
Hang on mate. Just give me one second.
Steve disappears back into his house, leaving his front door open. Tom, waits impatiently.
Steve eventually returns with two more cans of cider. He passes one to Tom.
STEVE CONT'D
There you go matey - get stuck into that.
TOM
I can't really drink at the minute. I'm working.
STEVE
One can won't do any harm. What the boss doesn't know won't hurt hurt him. In fact, I won't listen to another word you've got to say unless you take a few sips.
Tom reluctantly opens the can and drinks a few sips of it. He then offers the can back to Steve.
STEVE CONT'D
(Refusing to take the can)
You hardly had any. Take a few more gulps.
TOM
Gulps!? No - I'll take a few more sips; but not gulps.
Tom drinks a few more sips of the cider.
STEVE
So come on then - how does this badger story end?
TOM
(Hopeful)
It ends in you giving a fiver a month.
STEVE
Yeah, good one mate. You're a funny one you are.
(Becoming sombre)
I'd love to help the badgers, I really would. But to be honest, I've been unemployed for over 10 years - I'm as skint as they're made. And it won't change - I'll always be broke. I have no desirable skills, no investments in any assets, no motivation to leave the house. I'm basically a dreg on society.
TOM
Well, that's very honest of you. But we will accept donations from literally anyone.
STEVE
It's comforting to know I fit into your criteria. Look mate, it's me whose the charity case. I'm very much like the badgers in this country - because I live in a shit-hole too. Maybe you'd like to go knocking on behalf of me - you could call it 'The Steve Foundation' - and maybe get £5 a month for me - because I'd rather spend my money on cider.
Steve drinks a few gulps of cider.
TOM
Are you Steve?
STEVE
Guilty.
Steve finishes off his cider with several hearty gulps. He once again crushes the empty can in his hands and throws it into the overgrown weeds.
Tom then offers his can to Steve.
TOM
Do you want this one?
STEVE
Aw, buzzing!
Steve grabs the can from Tom and immediately takes several more gulps.
STEVE CONT'D
Do you wanna come in for a drink? I haven't got many left but you could go to the off-license and buy me some more. There's a few offers on I think.
TOM
I'd love to Steve, I really would. But these bloody badgers won't save themselves.
STEVE
Are you sure? It's good cider.
TOM
How good can cider really be?
STEVE
Good enough to make you forget how much of a train crash of a life you have.
(Beat)
If you have enough anyway.
TOM
You keep your ciders to yourself Steve.
STEVE
This is my last one now.
TOM
Well it's been a pleasure talking to you - but I really must crack on.
STEVE
No worries pal, no worries. Good luck with your badgers. And remember, if you ever fancy a few drinks sometime - you know my address.
Tom slowly backs away.
TOM
Alright then. I'll see you later.
Steve offers a goodbye wave before shutting his door.
Tom walks out of Steve's garden, closing the rusty gate behind him. He walks into the neighbouring garden, knocks several times on the door and waits.
After a few seconds, a man answers.
MAN
(Shouting)
F**koff!
The man slams his door shut, causing Tom to fall slightly back.
Tom rips his bib off and discards of it in an outside bin. He takes a packet of cigarettes from his pocket, picks one out and begins to smoke, releasing a stressful sigh.
INT - CAFE - DAY
Tom is sat alone, pensive. There is a tray of half eaten and cold looking chips on the table.
Edward and Matt enter.
EDWARD
Tommy Boy! How are we doing?
TOM
Edward - my name's Tom. You know that. Please don't call me Tommy boy.
EDWARD
Sure thing Tombo. So come on, how are we doing?
Edward and Matt take a seat at the table.
TOM
I'm not too much different from how I was the last time you saw me a few hours ago.
EDWARD
I can see that. You're still an ugly bastard.
Edward chuckles and taps Matt on his arm to get him involved. Matt offers a rise smile.
EDWARD CONT'D
I'm only joking Tombo. Hey, I'll tell you what - it's a wonderful day for sales, don't you think? I'm on 4 already and it's only dinner time. I mean, I know I'm brilliant at sales, but I'm on for an office record today.
TOM
4? Seriously?
EDWARD
Absolutely. Would you expect any less from me?
MATT
How many sales are you on for today?
TOM
Well, the day's not over yet is it? So it doesn't really matter what I've done up to now.
MATT
You haven't done any yet have you?
TOM
Well no - but I haven't come across the right people.
Edward tuts.
EDWARD
Excuses, excuses.
TOM
It's not an excuse, it's a reason. A perfectly valid and vindicated reason.
MATT
Just make sure you pick up your game for the rest of the day.
EDWARD
Aw, let me tell you guys. One of my...
(Looks at Tom)
...4...sales, she was the sweetest arse I've ever seen. Single mother of 2 as well, and they're always the best. They get ever so lonely when the kids are at school.
Edward pulls out a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket.
EDWARD CONT'D
Got her number though. To be honest, she had no real choice in the matter. We all know how mesmerising my charisma can be.
TOM
Debatable.
EDWARD
To date, I haven't come across one piece of oestrogen who hasn't voluntarily succumb to the power of my sexual magnetism.
MATT
Are you not put off by the fact she's got 2 kids?
EDWARD
Not at all. She could have 3 by the time I'm finished with her.
TOM
You do seem to get a lot of numbers on the field don't you Edward?
EDWARD
4 already this week. And it's only Tuesday.
MATT
You want to be careful with all these women though Edward. I heard that you can get throat cancer from blowjobs.
EDWARD
Throat cancer? Blowjobs?
Matt nods.
EDWARD CONT'D
That'll just apply to the women though. They're the ones who are actually...
Edward mimes giving a blowjob, all the while staring at Tom with direct eye contact.
EDWARD CONT'D
That's their problem as far as I'm concerned.
Edward leans back in his seat.
TOM
Well, though I would like to stay and absorb you marvelous philosophies on life Edward - there are 70 more doors that need slamming in my face before my day is done.
Tom stands up.
MATT
Make sure you get at least 3 sales today Tom.
TOM
(Walking away)
Yeah, yeah.
Tom exits.
Bit late now but I can only refer you to my earlier advice, Sam.
I didn't really understand what you meant in your previous post.
Fair enough, what didn't you understand?
He means sitcoms aren't usually shot on location, but in studios.
When you said, 'look for what is wanted'. Look for wanted is wanted by whom?
What does the 6p's equally apply to?
And what am I a 'bit late' for?