There is nothing to learn. Just write strong stories with well defined characters, with their interaction driving the plot and their raison d'être driving the series.. and make it laugh out loud funny.
My Sitcom for Writersroom Page 2
Quote: sootyj @ 15th May 2014, 10:11 AM BSTOf course yes with rhythm but laborious, didactic dialogue can't really hold any rhythm.
You can have didactic dactyls...although they may be extinct.
Quote: Marc P @ 15th May 2014, 11:40 AM BSTThere is nothing to learn. Just write strong stories with well defined characters, with their interaction driving the plot and their raison d'être driving the series.. and make it laugh out loud funny.
Thanks!
No one has really commented on anything else. Tone of the dialogue aside, Did anyone find it funny?
Not really the dialogue kills the comedy, sorry
I didn't read it all but I wasn't really engaged by what I did read I'm afraid. A sitcom about comedy writers trying to write comedy sketches is a very hard sell.
Same here, not funny. All three characters seemed the same, there's no contrast.Cutting it to two might help.
That's disappointing. And goes against any other feedback I got from people I don't know. Ah well, nothing ventured. I find it funny and will just need to wait and see if the BBC do. Thanks for all your time!
Here's an early draft I made before I finished the final script for the BBC Writers Room. I found it really useful to hear it played back.I could get a feel for how I wanted the hole mood to come across. I did get annoyed at the sound of my own voice though after a few weeks though.
.
Its only 7 miniutes long butthat's all I needed to give me a better understanding of my main character.
I hope it helps.
Mars Colony Episode 1 Mad Max V's The Demolition: http://youtu.be/yF67DagvBq8
Quote: gbus @ 15th May 2014, 3:30 PM BSTThat's disappointing. And goes against any other feedback I got from people I don't know. Ah well, nothing ventured. I find it funny and will just need to wait and see if the BBC do. Thanks for all your time!
Sorry... Couldn't get through the banter without jokes at the beginning. Particularly when supposedly failed sketch writers deconstruct an unfunny sketch. We don't know anything about these people so why do we care? Story first. That reveals characters and attitude. Be honest with a pen and mark up the opening scene where you think you have given the audience an opportunity to laugh out loud. Remember sitcom is painted with a broad brush. Everybody in the industry you ever send a script to who are prepared to read it are primarily looking to put it on the reject pile as soon as you present them with an opportunity. This is a fact. And sadly or actually fortuitously it is for good reasons. Good luck with response... But read some.existing sitcom scripts , study the craft and get on with something else meanwhile.
Quote: gbus @ 15th May 2014, 3:30 PM BSTThat's disappointing. And goes against any other feedback I got from people I don't know. Ah well, nothing ventured. I find it funny and will just need to wait and see if the BBC do. Thanks for all your time!
That's a lousy attitude and it will get you on the express train to nowhere.
Work out why it seems not to amuse anyone, then learn from those lessons and do better next time.
And sending it to the BBC because you think they might like it better, well that's not a great plan.
To quote Star Trek, I challenge you to do better.
Quote: sootyj @ 15th May 2014, 10:58 PM BSTThat's a lousy attitude and it will get you on the express train to nowhere.
Work out why it seems not to amuse anyone, then learn from those lessons and do better next time.
And sending it to the BBC because you think they might like it better, well that's not a great plan.
To quote Star Trek, I challenge you to do better.
Oh no, I didn't mean it like that at all. It seems to amuse a lot of people, but then it doesn't amuse some people as this thread has proven. I guess it's just not everyone's cup of tea.
I am just not exactly sure what is wrong with the dialogue. I compared it to things I love at the moment like Bored to Death and I just can't spot what im doing that they are not. Perhaps I should stick to prose.
Then my advice is go out and study.
There's a lot of very good books on sitcom writing out there, Mark Blakes one is one of the better one's I read on the craft.
And when you watch, pay attention to the dialogue and character.
Because that's where your failing, remember the more you miss out, the less it sounds like narration the more natural and the funnier it is.
Quote: gbus @ 15th May 2014, 11:22 PM BSTOh no, I didn't mean it like that at all. It seems to amuse a lot of people, but then it doesn't amuse some people as this thread has proven. I guess it's just not everyone's cup of tea.
I am just not exactly sure what is wrong with the dialogue. I compared it to things I love at the moment like Bored to Death and I just can't spot what im doing that they are not. Perhaps I should stick to prose.
The dialogue isn't driving or arising from action is the main thing that is wrong with it. It is just banter. You are by no means the first newbie to make this mistake. Even in shows like Curb or Frasier dialogue is the shiny and tasty surface on a fully baked cake. You may not see the foundations in a tall building but if they are not there you won't want to take a journey up in the elevator.
Absolutely, when you get the characters right you're not really writing the characters are talking.
Not just talking. Doing.