Tell us a joke Page 40

So I have current customer writing about his experience as coming out as gay in San Fransico in the 1970s. He wants to write it as a campy, funny bildungsroman I believe is the term. Except he can't do funny, so he's hired me to add humour and campness to his memoirs.
I feel the need to share a short extract from my sweding of his early adventures in a gay bath house, in this case a discussion with a friend on why he thinks his skininess makes him unattractive.

""What if you can't overcome these feelings? You'll be reduced to dressing as a tranny when the fleets in town and hoping you get a sailor, drunk and horny enough to think he's scoring with Karen Carpenter"

"Oh God, I have to."

"Jesus you want to be f**ked dressed like Karen Carpenter? Karen only likes that if it's Richard banging her drum... I mean you need to do something about this"

Venus Williams recently told a reporter at a news conference that if he could not remember her name he should just note that Venus rhymes with Penis.

When the reporter met her again he was very happy to see her. He exclaimed "HELLO ENIS."

That's terribly clunky.

What's white and swings through the trees? Tarzan the fridge.

It's a joke I heard decades ago, but doesn't seem to be on Google*. I told it to my daughters yesterday and they cracked up.

* Oh yes it does.

It may be impossible to translate that joke to English. Oh well

No I got it.

Something like, what's big and black and slams balls in your face.
Penis Williams

still terrible

You've touched a part of me that no other woman has ever been able to see,

Happy Mother's Day
Norman Bates

I had forgotten where I came from until you took me back in and reminded me of what I had lost.

Thanks Mom.
Love Oedipus

Moms are the greatest
I loved you a ton
That's why I gave you 41

Lizzie

very nice

Last week me and my girrafe friend got totally hamerged in Yateys Bar.
When they stop serving us both we went to walk out but my girrafe friend hit the floor and I could wake his so I just tried to leave anyway. Stopped at the door by a bouncer he said Look pal, you can leave that lying there. I turned to him and said YOU SHOULD MORE WORRIED ABOUT HOW MUCH HAD TO DRINK MATE.... That's not a lion, is f**king geraffe. Stupid doorman! Eh?

That's fantastic a great example of a groaner pun, made much funnier and more surprising by hiding it in an story.

Quote: sootyj @ 7th May 2014, 5:21 PM BST

So I have current customer writing about his experience as coming out as gay in San Fransico in the 1970s. He wants to write it as a campy, funny bildungsroman I believe is the term. Except he can't do funny, so he's hired me to add humour and campness to his memoirs.
I feel the need to share a short extract from my sweding of his early adventures in a gay bath house, in this case a discussion with a friend on why he thinks his skininess makes him unattractive.

""What if you can't overcome these feelings? You'll be reduced to dressing as a tranny when the fleets in town and hoping you get a sailor, drunk and horny enough to think he's scoring with Karen Carpenter"

"Oh God, I have to."

"Jesus you want to be f**ked dressed like Karen Carpenter? Karen only likes that if it's Richard banging her drum... I mean you need to do something about this"

View original

He was the most popular guy in the gay pole dancing bar they went too one night.
Yes, only because when I stood next to the dancefloor in my shinny tight body suit,and everybody kept mistaking me for a dancing pole.
So what, popular is popular.

This requires a bit of set up. I work outside all day. So one of the things I get tired of hearing about is the weather, because I'm already out there all day and I don't need anyone's input.

Coworker: Wow, it's going to be in the high 70's today. You should be so happy to work outside today.

Me: You should be a meteorologist so that I can just change the channel when I don't want to hear you.

It wasn't until now I realised just what 'Jake the Peg's' third leg really was

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Cash.

Cash who?

No thanks, but I would like a peanut instead!

dr dr I was singing disney songs and now I've got a frozen shoulder

let it go