The bones of an idea

I'm extremely busy and don't have much time to develop ideas so if anyone thinks they can do something with it, go right ahead.
A swanky office, a well-dressed sharp criminal mastermind (CM) sits behind a desk. A nervous man (NM) sits in front of him on a small chair, dressed in a shabby rain coat and clutching a folder bursting with documents.
CMIs that the file?
NMYes
CMlet me have it
NMNo, this file is the only thing keeping me alive, when the money is in my account then you can have the file and I can disappear.
CM(picks up the phone on the desk) You may transfer the money now. (Puts the phone down)
CM(holding out his hand to NM) you have your money, now give me the file.
NMNot until I know the funds have reached my account.
CM(unimpressed, picks up the phone again and hands it to NM, NM, dials a number and puts the phone to his ear, it rings a few times)
NMYeah, hi I'd like to check my balance please (waits a few seconds) Telecode? I don't have a telecode. I just want to check my balance. (pause) Security questions? No, I haven't set up any security questions.......no, wait..... (looks at CM) I'm really sorry about this, she's putting me onto her supervisor. Shouldn't be too long now. (speaking into the phone again) yes, hi, I just wanted to check my account balance please (waits), telecode? I don't have a telecode, I just told the other woman that! OK, I 'll hold (to CM) she's putting me through to another department........

That's all I've got.

Feasible concept, but perhaps you coudl make it funnier with him saying odd things that are clearly the response to weird security questions:

"Balham...Delia Smith...a 3rd nipple...puce....Davidson....no, that IS my mother's maiden name...well, I should know...She's putting me through to her manager"

I think the comedy woudl come from the embarrassed looks between the 2 people, so it would have to be well performed.

That's a very neat idea, a scary criminal mafia situation, suddenly pace changing to modern angst about remembering passcodes.

I do think you can paint the intro picture a little more, about the setting to give more of a twist when you bring in the reveal.

Also Gappys' right you can have much more fun with the code.

Stuff

What's my mothers birthday, I don't know

I won't do business with someone who forgets their mothers birthday, you son of a bitch

Quote: sootyj @ 19th April 2014, 12:11 PM BST

a scary criminal mafia situation, suddenly pace changing to modern angst.

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Sooty's put it better than me, that's what I was getting at. Soprt of reminds me of a POlice Squad bit (was it??) where tough gamblers are playing poker nia smoky room, and end up arguing about whether a straight beats a flush, or something, just as normal people do every time they play poker.

I wonder whether there's any value in having it as an outomated phoneline, with the guy trying to repeat his security answers to a machine that won't register: "Malone...no, Malone...MALone...MalOOOONE...M'lone...Her maiden name was f**king Malone...No, no, just Malone". Perhaps the other guy could have a go, or a queue of heavies could all take a try?