British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 36

Who has the biggest stamp collection in all Ireland?
Michael Philately.

nice one

According to US network sources, there was a real scrabble to replace Letterman

Surly Letterman will be replace by eMailwoman?

I wanted to work in a sperm bank but I didn't think it would look good on a resume.

I'm not saying she's broody, but she's overdrawn at the sperm bank

Sperm banks are a swizz, they won't let you make a withdrawal

When I crunch my breakfast, I keep thinking that I'm becoming a cereal killer.

We are so poor that my wife takes a razor-blade to her feet each morning and shaves bits off her bunions and other feet aberrations into a bowl for our breakfast.

I hate cornflakes.

I didn't want to be an accountant. I wanted to be a political analyst specialising in the Far East.

Still, one Korea's the same as another.

Me and a few friends have just invented the Oscar Pistorius drinking game whilst watching the trial.

Anytime someone goes to the toilet, you have four quick shots.

What do you call a racehorse that lives in your attic?

Anne Frankel.

Quote: Nick81 @ 14th April 2014, 4:23 PM BST

Me and a few friends have just invented the Oscar Pistorius drinking game whilst watching the trial.

Anytime someone goes to the toilet, you have four quick shots.

It sounds like your friends are trying to get you legless!

All I keep hearing during the trial is "yes m'lady."

Who's in the dock, Oscar Pistorius or Parker from thunderbirds?

I was very impressed by the minutes silence in Liverpool earlier for the hillsborough victims.

I was certain they couldn't go that long without mentioning it.

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