The law of diminishing returns in action?
Newsjack one liner thread - series 10 Page 4
A few weeks worth of one-liners:
BREAKING NEWS:
* Police force damaged by scandals but certainly not broken, says Lego.
* Phil Collins to star in 'Noah' sequel: 'The Book of Genesis'
* BBC Comedy imposes speed limit on running gags.
* After Rocky the Musical, Stallone teams up with Disney for 'Stop! Or My Muppets Will Shoot - On Ice'
* After an attack on the A66, Middlesbrough Panto Society announce - we're 220 miles from London but still no sign of Dick.
COMING UP:
* Ex-President Jimmy Carter on hand-writing letters; warning: this interview may contain nuts.
* William & Kate's 'Not So Secret New Zealand Diary', reviewed by Adrian Mole.
* The Fan or Foe Debate - Justin's Beliebers versus Justin's Boobies.
* On World Sparrow Day, 70s band Middle of the Road play us out with 'Chirpy, Chirpy, Cheep, Cheep'
LISTINGS:
* Robert Webb presents 'Great TV Typos' on Channel Phwoar at sex o'cock.
* Monday at 9 on Sky Atlantic - Helen Mirren's crowned 'Dame of Thrones'
* Wednesday on Channel 4 - historians scoop the poop in 'Dead Famous Doodoo'
* Tomorrow on BBC1 - puppets raise cash for charity in 'Hand Relief'
* Later on CBeebies, George Michael narrates a Flowerpot Men Special - 'Bill & Ben and the search for a Little Weed'
Quote: groovydude89 @ 6th March 2014, 7:18 PM GMT2."We ask whether tumours give you cancer."
Umm, don't mean to rock the boat, but I heard this one recorded on last week's show - any chance you resubmitted Groovydude?
Quote: DeathbyMonkey @ 7th April 2014, 6:32 PM BSTUmm, don't mean to rock the boat, but I heard this one recorded on last week's show - any chance you resubmitted Groovydude?
That's strange, as I didn't resubmit it, nor have I received any 'recorded but cut emails' this series.
I suppose there's three possibilities:
1. Someone in the Newsjack office has a good memory (I sent it six weeks ago).
2. Someone's arrived at the same idea independently.
3. Someone's pinched the joke after viewing this thread.
breaking news :
1. as Oscar pastorius defence case collapses , his defence team admit he now doesn't have a leg to stand on..
2. another bbc employee arrested over claims he molested a Mexican - we investigate these latest pedro-phile allegations..
3. after navy ship hears 'pings' in the indian ocean ,monty python team admit its where they dumped a machine from a certain hospital sketch..
coming up :
1. after allegations of noise pollution by blasting out walking on the moon, the police launch a police sting operation against the polices sting..
2. after a van load of condiments go missing , a police 'sauce' says the thieves 'mustard' done this kind of thing before , but they are very 'h.p' that they will 'ketchup' with the criminals..
3. schrodingers cat escapes from his box , but is then ran over by a truck..
listings ;
1. scmeichel , cook and sissions found frozen in freezer - see their tragic story on blue peters..
2. we look at antique whips and cats o nine tails , at 9pm on flog it..
3.
and we finish off with everybodys favourite stoner scientists in ' big bong theory' ...
Quote: groovydude89 @ 7th April 2014, 6:55 PM BSTThat's strange, as I didn't resubmit it, nor have I received any 'recorded but cut emails' this series.
I suppose there's three possibilities:
1. Someone in the Newsjack office has a good memory (I sent it six weeks ago).
2. Someone's arrived at the same idea independently.
3. Someone's pinched the joke after viewing this thread.
Number 3 happened to me a couple of series' back. I can't remember what the actual oneliner was now, but when it got rejected one week, I put it on my website. Two weeks later, it was on the show.
Sure, people have similar ideas all the time, but this was word for word.
However, I didn't bother pursuing it as I had no proof I'd thought of it first, but you will have a timestamp on this thread as proof.
There's only so many jokes in the world and only so many joke forms.
Repetition like death and Micheal Macintyre is inevitable.
Quote: groovydude89 @ 7th April 2014, 6:55 PM BSTThat's strange, as I didn't resubmit it, nor have I received any 'recorded but cut emails' this series.
I suppose there's three possibilities:
1. Someone in the Newsjack office has a good memory (I sent it six weeks ago).
2. Someone's arrived at the same idea independently.
3. Someone's pinched the joke after viewing this thread.
It was word for word the same, I can't garuantee which week it was but I'm almost certain it was last week rather than week 2 (which is the other week I went). And I am certain it was recorded because when I read this thread for the first time yesterday I thought - that was recorded, it got a decent laugh. I know it was recorded because I remember at the time thinking it was a funny joke.
Quote: sootyj @ 8th April 2014, 6:12 PM BSTThere's only so many jokes in the world and only so many joke forms.
Repetition like death and Micheal Macintyre is inevitable.
Yes but word for word Sooty? Word for word? I know the law of large numbers means it's possible, but the probability is so small
BREAKING NEWS:
1.Honest MP found holding needle in haystack.
2.Captain America has smashed the US box office. He then went on to trash the popcorn counter and damage a number of cinema seats before redeeming himself by saving the world.
3.The Police Federation's chairman and general secretary blame women's problems as they both announce their retirements after a turbulent period.
COMING UP:
1.Energy companies. Are their record customer complaints just a load of hot air?
2.After winning The Voice last weekend, we ask Jermain Jackman how it feels to be back in obscurity.
3.We explore the mystery of why sight gags don't work so well on radio.
LISTINGS:
1.Tonight on Sky One. Fantasy figures battle over dominance of the queue to the toilet in Game Of Porcelain Thrones.
2.Following Newsjack on Radio 4 Extra, a documentary exploring the rise of street language Jafrican, which is a mixture of Jamaican and idiot.
3.Up next on BBC1, Great Mysteries Of The Eighties. This week, why has Noel Edmonds not aged since 1983, and where did George Michael bury Andrew Ridgely?
BREAKING NEWS:
* Royals rub Maori's nose after valet forgets to pack Kleenex.
* Spider-Man, caught shoplifting, blames sticky fingers.
* Supermarket expands into UK trouble spots and rebrands as ASDA ASBO.
COMING UP:
* Acid reflux.
* How to quit smoking Corrie-style with electronic 'ee bah gum' cigarettes.
* 40 years on, Abba sings 'Thank You For The Money, Money, Money'
BREAKING NEWS:
1. McDonalds have closed three restaurants in Crimea after a drawer full on anti-Russian paraphernalia was found in Ronald's desk. These include a picture of Boris Yeltsin getting sick into his pockets, footage of Yuri Gargarin eating tulips in his garden and a series of love letters between Joseph Stalin and an Alsatian.
2. A new study has found that aggression in gaming increases 900 fold when your younger brother beats you at FIFA.
3. Pistorius gives fresh testimony claiming: "The legs made me do it".
COMING UP:
1. How to vomit in French.
2. Local man tells us how to use your beard to win an argument when you opponent only has a moustache.
LISTINGS:
1. On BBC 2 at 12:00 Holmes Under the Hammer; Eamon Holmes regales us of stories from his formative years when he worked as an auctioneers platform.
2. Yet another wildlife programme begins at 7 on Discovery. In 'Living the Wildlife', Rodney Tompkins shows us how to buy a rain jacket with a hood, how to brave an element and how to convince your prey to kill itself.
BREAKING NEWS:
1.Weeping statue of Virgin Mary asks for tissue.
2.New Jersey wildfire spreads like wildfire.
3.A Spanish town has hired a detective to catch people not cleaning up properly after their pets. He says he'll focus on the poo, while his Number 2 takes care of Number 1.
COMING UP:
1.Chewbacca will tell us if the brown fur in the new Star Wars movie is still natural, or if he's dyeing it now.
2.We'll meet a rat who was poisoned, but lived to tell the tale.
3.Vladimir Putin will show Russian Londoners how to declare their very own autonomous republic.
LISTINGS:
1.We begin our Bruce Forsythe retrospective with this little-known show from the 1950s where veterans of the Great War play for fabulous prizes. Whatever you do, don't miss "The Lost Generation Game".
2.Next on Channel 5, it's off to Summer Bay where our favourite hunks and hotties continue the fight against global terror in "HomeAndAwayLand".
3.Kelsey Grammer returns as the know-it-all fusspot who loves going to the opera with his brother, almost as much as he hates the euro, in "Far-age-er".
Quote: Otterfox @ 10th April 2014, 11:12 PM BSTCOMING UP:
1. How to vomit in French.
Surely this was barmy enough to get on.
Quote: Mikey Jackson @ 13th April 2014, 5:02 PM BST
Surely this was barmy enough to get on.
It was my first attempt submitting to Newsjack is quite some time so it would have been quite cheecky if I had got something in. That said I did think vomiting in French had some sort of a chance.
It certainly tickled me. 