British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 33

A rabbi, a priest and an Imam walk into a cafe.

The owner says, "What is this, a wonderful example of religious diversity?"

Inquiry to turn the energy market upside down. Will now be known as "the Big 9".

Owen Patterson approves cat cull to prevent TB spread.

Cats begin loosening goalposts in preparation.

Quote: AndyGilder @ 27th March 2014, 8:15 PM GMT

A rabbi, a priest and an Imam walk into a cafe.

The owner says, "What is this, a wonderful example of religious diversity?"

what a wonderful example of plagarism says John Thompson

If people are going to post jokes about Rabbis, Priests and Imams, I'll be watching this thread religiously.

Three comedians walk into a bar. Nicholas Clegg, George Osborne and David Cameron.

Quote: sootyj @ 28th March 2014, 11:03 AM GMT

what a wonderful example of plagarism says John Thompson

Try that in the Middle Ages and see how many laughs you get!

Quote: sootyj @ 28th March 2014, 11:03 AM GMT

what a wonderful example of plagarism says John Thompson

If you're looking for originality, you're in the wrong place. As Elvis said.

I was out at the pub quiz with my nieces and nephews the other night, and the final round was all about Matt Damon films. We got absolutely trounced.

Kids today don't know their Bourne.

nice

I'm addicted to cunnilingus

my Freudian psycoannalyst blamed my mum

turns out I've got an eaty puss syndrome

Happy Mother's Day to the sexiest widow in Athens

Love, Oedipus

xxx

A couple of spare gags from a recent routine I wrote for someone

1 Since retiring my friend Judith has taken up painting.
I said man those are some beautiful clouds you're quite the artists.
She burst into tears;
"It's the New York skyline I've got cataracts."

2 My friend Colin really got into hunting.
But his real concern was his irritable bowel syndrome, he'd heard the smell of human poop scares of Bears.
Sounds ridiculous, not if you know Colin.
So he decided he'd climb up a tree and poop from there. It's still going to hit the ground, Colin's not the brightest guy, but he maybe the luckiest.
Because a grizzly had been tracking him and he hit Yogi bang between the eyes. I think that big old bear died part from the impact, part from surprise and a big part from embarrassment.
All I'll say is if you meet Colin and he shows you the grizzly head in his den.
Don't ask him to show you the cannon he took it down with,

Two flies are enjoying a tramp's sick.

Fly 1: We're having one of them staycations this year, what about you.

Fly 2: I think we'll stick to the incontinent.

Nice

Cheers Sootyj.

I did Google it to make sure it wasn't already out there already.

For sale, £10 note

£5 o.n.o.

Contact Vince Cable MP, Palace of Westminster

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