British Comedy Guide

Things that piss you off Page 1,382

I would just like card that doesn't have a HMP postmark on it :(

The tablets I'm on make my wee wee smell like bacon

Sexi

Quote: sootyj @ 13th February 2014, 6:39 PM GMT

Aw shucks I'll send you a valentines card RCP.

Lovey

Though ease up on the envelope glue this year, I could barely open the last card.

Quote: Nil Putters @ 13th February 2014, 6:49 PM GMT

*cancels flowers*

*cancels blowjob for Nil*

Quote: lofthouse @ 13th February 2014, 9:07 PM GMT

The tablets I'm on make my wee wee smell like bacon

With brown sauce?

No...

Possibly mustard

Gas?

Quote: Nogget @ 13th February 2014, 6:48 PM GMT

Who else here harbours something between indifference and hated for Valentines Day? I've yet to meet a man who likes it.

Yeah, I quite like it. Always a good excuse for nice food and drink.

Quote: Ben @ 13th February 2014, 10:04 PM GMT

Yeah, I quite like it. Always a good excuse for nice food and drink.

If you have some to go with . . .

:(

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 13th February 2014, 9:16 PM GMT

Lovey

Though ease up on the envelope glue this year, I could barely open the last card.

That was spunk.

not mine, I buy it from Danish zoos.

They're always shooting their giraffes bolts.

Quote: Ben @ 13th February 2014, 10:04 PM GMT

Yeah, I quite like it. Always a good excuse for nice food and drink.

That.

Don't buy into the merchandise, just do what you two find fun. Sex, drinking or not talking to each other. Go nuts.

People who put up a picture of Earth taken by the Mars Rover or the Hubble Telescope with the tagline 'Look at this and tell me you don't feel insignificant'.

I suppose it's meant to be all humbling and awe inspiring and shit and meant to take the wind out of our pompous, arrogant, human lives but the fact is, the reason we can see those pictures was because pompous, arrogant humans built a f**king robot and threw it at Mars.

Plus being all philosophical and pondering the patheticness of your fragile existence ain't gonna pay the gas bill. So until aliens show up offering free central heating, we're the number one species in the universe, suck it ET.

Quote: Jennie @ 13th February 2014, 8:59 PM GMT

I would just like card that doesn't have a HMP postmark on it :(

Hey mine came from a Ugandan hospital for the psychiatrically incurable.

Women eh.

Don't even read the post mark.

Do you have any idea how long it took to make that finger painting.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 13th February 2014, 10:55 PM GMT

People who put up a picture of Earth taken by the Mars Rover or the Hubble Telescope with the tagline 'Look at this and tell me you don't feel insignificant'.

I suppose it's meant to be all humbling and awe inspiring and shit and meant to take the wind out of our pompous, arrogant, human lives but the fact is, the reason we can see those pictures was because pompous, arrogant humans built a f**king robot and threw it at Mars.

Plus being all philosophical and pondering the patheticness of your fragile existence ain't gonna pay the gas bill. So until aliens show up offering free central heating, we're the number one species in the universe, suck it ET.

I wish they would coordinate it so I could flick the vees at serenity.

Dear Facebook, I'm really unsure about the existence of God and whether homosexuals are normal people. Could all my friends please copy and paste articles about the subject every single day? And when I say every single day, I bloody mean, every single frikkin' day, until the messages lose all meaning and just becomes a listless background of white noise, akin to someone throwing beige paint in your eyes.

Also, I'm a little undecided if the Tories are doing a good job, again if you could copy and paste articles about their lack of political prowess every day, and I do mean every sodding day, then that would be super duper. If you do have the annoying urge to write something original and entertaining, please try to suppress it for as long as possible.

Stereotypes just don't invent themselves, they need you to perpetuate them.

But isn't most every day life banal.

I mean aren't most conversations predictable, repetative and based on what other smarter people have said.
RCP you're not expecting Facebook to be better than life are you.

nb you should try twitter, snappier and lets you ambush wallies.

Let's switch things around, just for one post R.C. What are some good things you like and have found positive about Facebook?

Quote: sootyj @ 14th February 2014, 6:06 PM GMT

I mean aren't most conversations predictable, repetative and based on what other smarter people have said.
RCP you're not expecting Facebook to be better than life are you.

If half of my friends on Facebook put up Status Updates that homosexuals were evil and that God was better then science, then there might be an actual point to this endless grandstanding. As it is, I have no idea who they are talking to, it's preaching to the choir and utterly ineffectual.

And Twitter is for people who like receiving death threats and going to jail for cracking a joke - based on an independent risk assessment, I would last about three tweets before being banned.

Quote: Lee @ 14th February 2014, 6:12 PM GMT

Let's switch things around, just for one post R.C. What are some good things you like and have found positive about Facebook?

I've gone to more parties, linked up with old friends and I never have to buy greetings cards.

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