Meals on legs 2525

INTRO: It is 2727 and the locust farming industry has been devastated by an outbreak of foot and wing. In response the Government has decided to temporarily lift the ban on human cannibalism as an emergency measure. Yummy.

DOOR BELL.

MALCOM: I'll get it dear!

DOOR OPENS.

MALCOM:Hello.

KEVIN:It's Kevin.

MALCOM:Marvellous...Lunch time darling! Please come in Kevin.

KEVIN:Thanks.

DOOR SHUTS

MALCOMo you got here ok?

KEVIN:Yes the light bus was working so I didn't have to queue for the travel cannon.

SUE: Hello Kevin, so glad you are here, I'm starving.

KEVIN: Bit hungry eh?

SUE: No, actually starving. We haven't eaten for three weeks.

MALCOM: Really starving.

SUE: Shall we go straight through to the kitchen?

KEVIN: Oh, I thought we could chat a bit first.

SUE: Well it is a slow cooker so we could chat during the cooking.

KEVIN: I meant before, sorry, this is all a bit strange.

MALCOM: Of course where are our manners? Come through to the viewing gallery, we have a wonderful view of the hole where Earth used to be.

KEVIN: Er, these are for you.

MALCOM: Look Sue, a bottle of red wine and some stock cubes, how thoughtful.

SUE: Ohhh lovely. What do you weigh Kevin?

KEVIN: I don't know...Does it matter?

MALCOM: Never mind, come through to the gallery.

KEVIN: Sorry, I think I have changed my mind.

SUE:What! No!

MALCOM: Come on now lad, don't be like that.

KEVIN: I thought I could go through with it...

SUE: You have to, you agreed. You can't change your mind now.

MALCOM: What's the alternative? A long slow lingering death by starvation?

KEVIN: You are right. Let's just get it over.

MALCOM: You know it makes sense, come on into the pot.

SUEK love. I just hope we aren't going to be too stringy for you Kevin.

Hah, I like that last twist.

As a simple reversal of expectations it works, but I'm not sure it's strong enough to close the sketch. Plus it makes the "how much do you weigh" line redundant as I can't see the logic in the victim asking that. The legal cannibalism is a strong angle, though, and one that you could make work outside of 2525.

Hi Bill, glad you liked the twist. I thought this was my weakest entry with the fewest jokes.

And Ben, I knew the 'weigh' line was not strictly logical but I left it in as it assisted the misdirection. Might rewrite and submit elsewhere as suggested.

Thanks both for commenting,

If you're thinking of rewriting it, I would make sure that the reveal is a reveal and not a retcon. I think there's too many things that are established that make it hard to accept the twist: the conversation about being starving; the giving and accepting of a gift of a bottle of wine and stock cubes; Kevin's weight; the title 'meals on legs'...

Hi JaPi,

Thanks for commenting.

Yes as I mentioned the 'weigh' line is illogical with the reveal and I might change it to 'You look all skin and bone' or something like.

As to it being a retcon, I am not sure it is. The intro alludes to a food shortage caused by an insect farming catastrophe, and the consequential legalising of cannibalism. I think it reasonable to assume that both parties would be starving and that people might choose to be eaten rather than slowly starve. I think given that, the dialogue can be read to fit both ways. I never said Kevin was the food not the feeder.

I did originally have a lottery in mind where some people are chosen to eat and some be eaten but I could not fit it in the 2525 length.

It's a good but simple minded twist. But the rest is just too clunky, I think you're focussing too much on keeping the twist secret that it cuts back the rest of the humour.

It's also a bit too close to a similar idea from Douglas Adams.

usually like your stuff, not this time

Quote: playfull @ 2nd February 2014, 8:50 PM GMT

Hi JaPi,
As to it being a retcon, I am not sure it is. The intro alludes to a food shortage caused by an insect farming catastrophe, and the consequential legalising of cannibalism. I think it reasonable to assume that both parties would be starving and that people might choose to be eaten rather than slowly starve. I think given that, the dialogue can be read to fit both ways. I never said Kevin was the food not the feeder.

View original

I don't have a problem with the premise, I just don't think it does read both ways. I don't think what the characters are saying is compatible with the new information you give at the end (aka the twist). Kevin giving his food a bottle of wine & oxo cubes as a gift (which they are happy to receive) doesn't make sense to me. Likewise Kevin asking his food if it's hungry, despite the premise that they're doing this because food is scarce, and the quick death is preferable to starving to death. You could have a conversation about how they're willing to do anything to AVOID starvation, which could be understood as eating human meat or becoming human meat..., but as it is, I think it's pretty much 'locked in' as Kevin is the 'Meal on legs' of the title offering himself to be eaten, and the twist ending is less "oh, I see!" and more "but that can't be!" If you change a few lines to make it read equally well as a straight-forward tale of Kevin going to a house to eat it's inhabitants, it'd work much better IMHO.

Quote: sootyj @ 2nd February 2014, 8:59 PM GMT

It's a good but simple minded twist. But the rest is just too clunky, I think you're focussing too much on keeping the twist secret that it cuts back the rest of the humour.

It's also a bit too close to a similar idea from Douglas Adams.

usually like your stuff, not this time

View original

Fair enough. I think I like the intro more than the sketch anyway! Douglas Adams - I guess you mean the talking cow in the restaurant at the end of the universe?

Hi JaPi, understand what you are getting at, thanks for the comments.

Quote: JaPi @ 2nd February 2014, 9:43 PM GMT

Kevin is the 'Meal on legs' of the title offering himself to be eaten

View original

Of course the title would not get read out on air.

If a line is added/changed somewhere to indicate that Kevin is the grandson of the other two it all fits both themes well except perhaps these

KEVIN: Er, these are for you.

MALCOM: Look Sue, a bottle of red wine and some stock cubes, how thoughtful.

SUE: Ohhh lovely. What do you weigh Kevin?

KEVIN: I don't know...Does it matter?

MALCOM: Never mind, come through to the gallery.

change to somethin like

KEVIN: Er, I brought these for this occasion.

MALCOM: Look Sue, a bottle of red wine and some stock cubes, how thoughtful.

SUE: Ohhh lovely. What do you weigh Kevin? You do look thin, we will have to fatten you up a bit.

MALCOM: Never mind, come through to the gallery.