Darling!

SCENE: BROWN AND DARLING IN A MEETING IN A SCENE REMINISCENT OF “BLACKADDER GOES FORTH.” DARLING SHOULD HAVE VERY WHITE HAIR AND VERY LARGE VERY BLACK EYEBROWS.

BROWN
Darling!

DARLING
Yes Prime Minister?

BROWN
Bah! Stand to attention when you address me you slack-jawed young lout.

BROWN SLAPS DARLING. DARLING STANDS TO ATTENTION.

DARLING
What is it Sir?

BROWN
It’s all over the country, Darling.

DARLING
What is, sir?

BROWN
Smeared all over the papers like cum on Kleenex. You. You are, Darling! Dead man walking, that’s the headline! Bah! I’ve never seen a dead man walk. Have you?

DARLING
No, I’ve only really ever seen them rot, Prime Minister sir.

BROWN
You’re a sick and twisted individual Darling. That’s why you’re in this government and I stand by my decision. Explain this Northern cock fiasco to me.

DARLING
Northern Rock, sir.

BROWN
I don’t want to hear about Oasis, I want to hear about this cock nonsense.

DARLING HANDS BROWN A PINK STICK OF ROCK

DARLING
No, I just came back from Scarborough beach.

BROWN
I’m waiting, Darling.

BROWN BEGINS TO SUCK ON THE ROCK

DARLING
Northern Rock - it’s a bank sir. We’ve had to buy it out with public money.

BROWN
Thank God for that, I thought for a minute you’d been caught with your pants down like that Mark Oaten chap. We need a plan Darling.

DARLING
Yes Prime Minister?

BROWN
Something so damnably sophisticated even Tory-boy Cameron won’t see it coming. Bah! They might say I’m madder than a bin-bag full of madmen, but I believe I’ve come up with something!

DARLING
Yes sir?

BROWN DRAWS OUT A GUN AND SHOOTS DARLING

ENDS

Well it's quite good, but weak punch, and Brown and Darling are way out of character, so hard to identify with.

That said cock, and Oasis gag are good, as is the sex bit. Infact if you finished it there it would work well.

Quote: sootyj @ February 21, 2008, 7:09 PM

Well it's quite good, but weak punch, and Brown and Darling are way out of character, so hard to identify with.

That said cock, and Oasis gag are good, as is the sex bit. Infact if you finished it there it would work well.

View original

It might work better if it ends on the stick of rock gag. Or if I can think of a better punchline. But it's not meant to be them in character - it's a straight lift from Blackadder. I mean, Treason do a recurring Cameron-as-Leslie-Phillips monologue and I don't see how this idea is different.

I think the thing is the GP don't really have a good idea of the "characters" of many politicians so gross exaggeration or transposing, as in here or the Leslie Phillips thing, is required.

How about if instead of firing him he shoots him?

DARLING
Yes Prime Minister?

BROWN
Something so damnably sophisticated even Tory-boy Cameron won’t see it coming. Bah! They might say I’m madder than a bin-bag full of madmen, but I believe I’ve come up with something!

DARLING
Yes sir?

BROWN DRAWS OUT A GUN AND SHOOTS DARLING

ENDS

Quote: James Williams @ February 21, 2008, 7:05 PM

DARLING SHOULD HAVE VERY WHITE HAIR AND VERY LARGE VERY BLACK EYEBROWS.

View original

He does!!

This is OK James but it's not very punchy. I think you could probably rewrite it though and tighten it up by trimming it a bit shorter. There is potential though with the idea IMO. Not dying about the Alan Sugar line to finish it.

Or rips his eye brows off?

I've got to say I hate the Cameron as Leslie Philips character.

Personally with punch's I find the best ones are a complete pace change, or change of circumstances.

Some times something really stupid like Darling brings out a telescope, a pogo stick, and a butterfly net.

For spotting rainbows, pogo stick for getting to the end of the rainbow in time, and the net, for snatching it's pot of gold.

Rip his eyebrows off! It could be like Scooby Doo. He pulls off the eyebrows to reveal Tony Blair foiling Brown's every move.

I think I'm quite happy with the shooting finish though. Simple and punchy. Firing was a little lame.

You know you're right he does look like he's in disguise all the time.