Where I work we have a system of informing colleagues on the staff list where we are by having the subject line 'Where's [person's name]?'.
While looking for something else I came across a couple of my old ones that amused me so I did a bit of a trawl and found some others. It's reminded me of a series of forgotten illnesses and run-ins with local transport operators. 
WHERE'S JEREMY?
I have a hospital appointment tomorrow so I will be out of action while they slash me about the head with a meat cleaver.
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I was supposed to be on a training course in London today but this was cancelled due to adverse weather conditions - the third floor of the training centre has seen dust drifts of up to 0.002mm apparently.
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Been at the bus stop for half an hour and still no sign of one. Oh, here's three now...
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Appointment with a dental miracle worker first thing this morning - taking the day off as anesthetic will probably cause excessive slurring and dribblige.
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Annual leave - back on Monday. Contactable via mobile should Western civilisation collapse.
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Stagecoah have excelled themselves in their incompetence today. Not only do drivers have to have a personality bypass, the lack of any common sense is seen as an absolute boon! I must however apologise to the old lady waiting at the stop on the other side of the road for the rather choice words (and volume) I used to express my feelings towards this public (non)transportation company.
As a result of this farce I shall be in the office about 9.40-9.45
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In case anyone hasn't noticed I'm on annual leave and not in the office today. As I sit at the computer now Charlie has just said to me: "Dad, would you rather wrestle with the Queen or play Wii Sports?"
I have no idea what goes on in that boy's head sometimes.
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I am taking a day annual leave to be financially bled dry. Back on Monday with a slim wallet.
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This is about a potential delay rather than one that is actually happening. At 8:15am we're having a gas inspection. Please note that this has nothing whatsoever to do with Hollie's latest methane emission.
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I was going to be in a little late but earlier than the later that others in the S&M team were coming in (if that makes sense).
No.
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Working from home. I'm planning to come into the office later if only to guarantee a non-child environment.
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The rest of the family are in a tag match with the downstairs cloakroom at the moment. Whatever the situation I will be working from home and contactable via all the usual means. A further medical bulletin will be issued in due course...
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Running late - I can't find my wallet. There is only one suspect and she drives the car and wears the trousers.
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Missed two buses together by moments then waited 30 minutes for the next one when two again arrived at the same time. This is what is laughably called by Stagecoach a 10 minute service. Now delayed further because the driver who was driving a bit recklessly to make up time hit a car carrying kids outside a school.
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Another visit to the hospital with Charlie's foot...though I think I should take the rest of him too for identification purposes.
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From today I will be on safari in equatorial Prestatyn as we search for the lost tribe of the Leekydafodil. If unsuccessful we'll be in the nearest Lladudno amusement arcade.
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With my GP for a check up so will be a little L8. In the office PDQ unless it's RIP.
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Due to some foolhardy team selection I've been picked for the company
5-a-side team at Wembley this afternoon. I'll be leaving the office just before 11 but will be contactable by phone/email for the rest of the day (should Sky Sports News be looking for an interview).
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Interesting start to the day. Charlie trips and hurts his ankle and bangs his head and a vase of daffs has been knocked over and smashed. Currently in a convoy of three buses on my way into town.
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Next week I will probably be a bit like a juggler with his balls in the air - I will let you know if I catch them.
