British Comedy Guide

Things that piss you off Page 1,365

Brian the confused.com robot

C*nt

You will be confused once I've smashed your head in with a fifteen pound lump hammer

Quote: lofthouse @ 26th January 2014, 2:28 PM GMT

B
C*nt

You will be confused once I've smashed your head in with a fifteen pound lump hammer

Does that chat up line ever work

But I hate Brian, Brian c**t more like

People who go to Cancun or Sharm El Sheik and say 'We're in Mexico/Egypt etc.

Reality is no your f**kin' not!!

You're simply in Benidorm in another country!

Twats.

Calor Gas running out in the middle of cooking steaks.

I am a grumpy tw*T so loads to get through......... only joking , just some that are really annoying me at the moment.

On the home front :

going into the cupboard because I just fancy a chocolate bar and grabbing an empty outer packet!!!! bloody kids , it happens to me all the time! at least put the empty packet in the bin!

Smart phones! hate them and I ban them at the table or when we go out for something to eat.Or if im in the pub and someone im with gets one out and its not to take a call I will not engage in any futher conversation with them for the rest of the night ,F**K off and facebook thingy elsewhere!! so rude !!

Kids who don't do the dishes! the cherry on the cake been catching my 18 year old daughter the other week putting cereal in a gravy boat ( I sh*t you not!) rather than wash a bowl from the sink!!? wtf!

Other :

people greeting each other (in life and on TV etc) by kissing each other once on each cheek!!??? where the hell as this come from ? I blame the French for this one! lol!

the cost of a pint in a pub! nuff said.

Herbal essences shampoo

Look

How many more adverts do we need to see where some gormless bint moans in simulated orgasm whilst using your product?

It wasn't funny the first time you did it - about ten years ago

And it still isn't

It's pathetic

Grow up and f**k off already

Yuck, yes. I hate adverts where people are simulating sex noises. They show them all day and it's just embarrassing.

I think it's just due to thick people taking the phrase 'sex sells' literally. It doesn't actually mean all ads must be accompanied by sex noises and tits.

Yes there was one recently with some woman reclining on a chaise longue eating a yoghurt

Just go the whole hog love and rub it into your breasts

You...you..yoghurt ... WHORE!

Quote: ed williams @ 27th January 2014, 6:10 PM GMT

people greeting each other (in life and on TV etc) by kissing each other once on each cheek!!??? where the hell as this come from ? I blame the French for this one! lol!

Crikey, where do you live? 1953? The kiss on each cheek when meeting a member of the opposite sex has been standard in London ever since I can remember, and I'm old.

As for men kissing each other on the cheek, now that is just plain wrong. That you can blame the French for.

So from now on, whenever I meet a Frenchman and they attempt to give me a kiss on each cheek, I'm going straight for the mouth with tongue out. If they recoil in horror, I'm just going to say: 'What's the matter Froggie, is my attempted man kiss making you feel uncomfortable? Quell Surpise garlic swallower, welcome to my world'.

Quote: lofthouse @ 27th January 2014, 6:39 PM GMT

Yes there was one recently with some woman reclining on a chaise longue eating a potnoodle

Just go the whole hog love and rub it into your wet knackers

You...you..noodle ... WHORE!

Lofty that was you in the mirror

And by mirror I mean a webcam

You dirty bitch well worth 50 pounds an hour, you are over 18 aren't you.

Laughing out loud

Twat!

Quote: ed williams @ 27th January 2014, 6:10 PM GMT

people greeting each other (in life and on TV etc) by kissing each other once on each cheek!!??? where the hell as this come from ? I blame the French for this one! lol!

the cost of a pint in a pub! nuff said.

I think it was started by sentient germs as a way to spread themselves.

:D

Quote: billwill @ 27th January 2014, 9:55 PM GMT

I think it was started by sentient germans as a way to spread themselves.

Bill Willthat's racist you scamp

Quote: sootyj @ 27th January 2014, 10:04 PM GMT

Bill Willthat's racist you scamp

How dare you, I have plenty of friends who are sentient Germans.

Cool

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