Taking the pee.

INT. JOHN'S FRONT ROOM - NIGHT

JOHN enters carrying a jar of urine.

JOHN
There you go,Geoff,that should be
more than enough for your pee test.

GEOFF
Cheer's buddy. I'll see you tomorrow.

JOHN
Wicked.

Geoff exits.

THE FOLLOWING NIGHT

INT. JOHN'S FRONT ROOM - NIGHT

Geoff enters.

JOHN
How did it go at the doc's?

GEOFF
I failed the test.

JOHN
Did you now? that's strange.

GEOFF
I know yeah, I drank it all aswell.

Awkward silence.

THE END

A decent scene on its own from a sitcom but not really a sketch

Quote: sootyj @ 18th January 2014, 6:12 PM GMT

A decent scene on its own from a sitcom but not really a sketch

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Sorry, mate, it wasn't supposed to be any. I was just having a moment. I didn't know where else to post it without upsetting the forum waters.

Seen through a lens darkly

ha ha, that is pretty funny. I like little micro sketches like that. Would work well on radio as well, just adapt a few lines to explain weeing into a jar like " I've never wee'd in a jar before, I've wee'd in cups, bottles, and a rubber glove, but never a jar"

Quote: sootyj @ 18th January 2014, 6:23 PM GMT

Seen through a lens darkly

View original

Excuse me! Its Mr Darkly. Think, Mr Darcy, but sexier.

Nice enough joke, but don't think it's a big enough laugh for such a brief sketch.

Just have the guy drink it in the scene. On the reaction. Then a dead pan line from pee donor.

If you take Marc's suggestion then urine with a winner.

Quote: Marc P @ 19th January 2014, 11:57 AM GMT

Just have the guy drink it in the scene. On the reaction. Then a dead pan line from pee donor.

View original

It would require added exposition imo. Guy dressed in athletics dear or similar plus the line 'Here's the urine for your steroid test tomorrow. Never touch 'em so you should ace it!' The have him drink it in one. Wipe his chops, burp and say 'thanks.'

just my personal opinion, but I think actually showing the drinking of the urine is betraying the joke a bit. The humour is derived from the pair scratching their heads, trying to understand how it didn't work, the reveal is that he had gone away and drunk it instead of using it, which is the punchline, nicely at the end of the joke.

I agree that it feels like a scene in a sitcom/play so -

On screen drinking would suit such as 'House of fools' and off screen would suit such as IT crowd.

Quote: danphobic @ 19th January 2014, 1:39 PM GMT

just my personal opinion, but I think actually showing the drinking of the urine is betraying the joke a bit. The humour is derived from the pair scratching their heads, trying to understand how it didn't work, the reveal is that he had gone away and drunk it instead of using it, which is the punchline, nicely at the end of the joke.

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It's ok to be wrong dan