Immigration Cheques

Just a topical sketch I've this minute tossed off. Aware that Spain is in the EU but don't care.

SCENE: IMMIGRATION OFFICE. AN INTERVIEWER SITS BEHIND A DESK SHUFFLING AN IMMIGRANT’S DOCUMENTS.

INTERVIEWER
Now, you realise that to stay here in the UK you will have to pass a series of gruelling tests, each one more fiendish than the last.

MANUEL
Que?

REACTION FROM INTERVIEWER

INTERVIEWER
We’ll start off simple: what’s your name?

NO ANSWER. MANUEL TAKES OUT A PACKET OF PEANUTS AND BEGINS EATING THEM.

INTERVIEWER
(LOOKING AT DOCUMENTS) No, it’s alright, it’s written here. Question two: what skills can you offer? Just in case there’s an opening for a semi-literate Dago moron.

MANUEL
Manuel.

INTERVIEWER
No, we’ve covered that.

MANUEL
Labour.

INTERVIEWER
Well, jolly good for you, but to vote you have to be a UK citizen. (BEAT) And know how to use a pen.

MANUEL
No, is my skill. Manual labour. (HOLDS ARM OUT AND FLEXES MUSCLES)

INTERVIEWER
That’s not really a skill, is it? Having arms. More a useful thing to have if you plan on throwing anything.

MANUEL
I also write poems. I come here to write famous book. (FISHES OUT PAPER, HANDS IT OVER)

INTERVIEWER
Let’s have a look then. I could do with a laugh. (READS. WIPES AWAY A TEAR) That was beautiful. (WRITES ON OFFICIAL PAPERS) You can start on Thursday.

MANUEL
Que?

INTERVIEWER
I’ve got a wall that needs putting up. Be there by 5am.

ENDS

This is kind of 3 skits in 1, so it's a little confusing to read.

i Immigrant answers all questions write with one word that sounds like English
ii immigrant actually brilliant author confounding our expectations.
iii immigration worker passes him through, because she's corrupt.

They work, but they slow the understanding of the sketch.

Quote: James Williams @ February 20, 2008, 11:59 PM

Just a topical sketch I've this minute tossed off. Aware that Spain is in the EU but don't care.

View original

There are some bits I don't get, I'm afraid, but this is the biggest. Are you saying you know the sketch set-up is totally flawed? In which case, come back when it isn't!

Quote: Badge @ February 21, 2008, 12:06 AM

There are some bits I don't get, I'm afraid, but this is the biggest. Are you saying you know the sketch set-up is totally flawed? In which case, come back when it isn't!

View original

Well, when I say I don't care, what I mean is, I anticipate someone will say "ah, but Spain is in the EU" to which I would reply "But some Spanish-speaking countries are not in the EU", to which the response would be "But the interviewer calls him a Dago", to which my response would be "I'm thinking of changing that, but the word Dago is funny and the interviewer is an ignorant arse anyway. I am thinking about changing it though".

It really boils down to me not caring that much though because it's in hand and I was just pointing that out.

Ah, I see. I think. So in a way, you care too much, by anticipating things that might not have happened otherwise, at least to the degree that has happened?

Predicting stuff is shit innit.

I liked this.

I'd been trying to do a sketch on the same topic tonight without any inspiration, but this works well. I think the second half needs to be sharpened up a bit though.

The problem about the non-EU thing can surely largely be overcome by not directing the audience to it at the beginning, just cut out "as a non-EU immigrant".

Well like a Siamese twin, there's two good skits, 3 even, but they're imperiled if not separated in my opinion. Not that I'd trust the opinion of a guy who jsut posted a skit on Jillian McKeith looking at GWBs jobbies,

Quote: John Kelly @ February 21, 2008, 12:17 AM

The problem about the non-EU thing can surely largely be overcome by not directing the audience to it at the beginning, just cut out "as a non-EU immigrant".

View original

Yes, it was needlessly expository anyway. Thanks. It's gone, as if by magic.

Okay, I get it now without the preamble. I quite liked it. If I'm picky, maybe some more direction would help in places. And in this line I sense a problem:

INTERVIEWER
Let’s have a look then. I could do with a laugh. (READS. WIPES AWAY A TEAR) That was beautiful. (WRITES ON OFFICIAL PAPERS) You can start on Thursday.
[/quote]

I'm just a bit worried that nothing is happening while the interviewer is reading. Can they read aloud? Or can the immigrant help them, or even correct them? I dunno - your call. I just felt if this is TV or radio, there needs to be something happening during the period "READS", cos it can't be a 1 second job given what follows.

Quote: Badge @ February 21, 2008, 12:45 AM

Okay, I get it now without the preamble. I quite liked it. If I'm picky, maybe some more direction would help in places. And in this line I sense a problem:

INTERVIEWER
Let’s have a look then. I could do with a laugh. (READS. WIPES AWAY A TEAR) That was beautiful. (WRITES ON OFFICIAL PAPERS) You can start on Thursday.

I'm just a bit worried that nothing is happening while the interviewer is reading. Can they read aloud? Or can the immigrant help them, or even correct them? I dunno - your call. I just felt if this is TV or radio, there needs to be something happening during the period "READS", cos it can't be a 1 second job given what follows.

View original

Yeah, I think I'm often guilty of putting in too little direction assuming people will "get" it - that's the director and actor in me, I suppose. I had the same thought about that section. I think as it is it gives the actor great scope to get some laughs. I'm imagining the actor (think John Cleese) reading it silently and pulling some funny faces, looking up. (I see it as a sketch for the stage.) Just a few seconds' job. I think this works but I'll have a think. Maybe as it is it needs some explanatory direction too.

Hey, this is alright. Lose all the 'que's at the beginning and change the last line to something more convincing such as; 'the perimeter wall needs extending behind taxi bay nine.'

The line about having arms is good as is the casual brutality of the official ('I could do with a laugh'). The poetry development is unexpected and classy.

Sorry James, I forgot. Like Godot I also thought the final line a bit of a let-down for the sketch as a whole. Thanks for the reminder Godot! Not sure your suggestion is in keeping with the tone of the sketch, but I'm sure James will consider all options given the huge amount of material he will be needing for his new topical comedy venture!

And the direction needed - I'm sure you aren't far off. I just feel it needs SOME, not MUCH.

Thanks guys. I've trimmed the excessive "Que"s down to one, which I might also cut if it gives me a nasty look in the morning. Hmm, lots of options for redraft. I did like the "Que?" after "fiendish questions", but maybe the joke needed to be reinforced with the interviewer saying something like "this is going to be a long night." I'll chew it over anyway. I was struggling a bit for a punchline. I'll think about that too.

I liked it James, but in a simpler 'laughing at Manuel from Fawlty Towers' xenophobic kind of way rather than for any deeper meaning it might have had.

But still, a laugh's a laugh!

Yeah, definitely much better and tighter.

Really like it now, except the punch-line is still a bit of a let-down.