British Comedy Guide

I read the news today oh boy! Page 1,406

Quote: zooo @ 14th January 2014, 2:29 PM GMT

But I wonder, if you and your husband get shot at the cinema, do they at any point reimburse you for the tickets? And the rest of the people in the audience.

It being America, they will all sue the cinema chain for 'emotional distress' and walk away with $100,000 grand each.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 14th January 2014, 2:25 PM GMT

Me neither and the odds I quoted I just done made up in my brains.

Laughing out loud Laughing out loud

Most of what you write is at odds.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 14th January 2014, 1:31 PM GMT

Just had a conversation about this on Facebook. My conclusion: The argument was descending into a physical encounter. In one corner, you had a father of a three year old, in the other an elderly man. In a fist fight, the younger man could easily kill the 71 year old. Someone was going down and the retired cop made sure he would be walking out of there alive.

Lots of punch-ups result in fatalities, especially when pensioners are hit by younger people.

Hrumpf, I'm a retired 73 year old.. A 71 year old is not particularly edlerly nowadays.

A retired policeman (which I am not) would be quite able to defend himself from any blows until he is about 86. Getting killed in fist fights is far less likely than getting killed in gun fights.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 14th January 2014, 1:36 PM GMT

I look at it the other way: If the cop had been in violent situations before, he would know when things were about to get deadly and reacted first to save his own life.

Very unlikely, It seems far more likely that he just lost his temper.

~~~~

If in a pub with RC do not throw popcorn at him, he seems to think that this is an indicator for a violent fist fight about to erupt and may retaliate with lethal force.

Huh?

Quote: billwill @ 14th January 2014, 3:01 PM GMT

If in a pub with RC do not throw popcorn at him, he seems to think that this is an indicator for a violent fist fight about to erupt and may retaliate with lethal force.

This.

I almost died when I last threw popcorn at RCP

he bursts into tears and phoned the UN to say I was trying to occupy him

almost died of embarassment more like.

Quote: billwill @ 14th January 2014, 3:01 PM GMT

Hrumpf, I'm a retired 7300,000,000 year old.. A 71 year old is not particularly edlerly nowadays.

It wasn't David who killed Goliath, he pinched my hat, so I rolled up my shirt sleeves and gave him a thrashing.

And why are the dinosaurs extinct, they missed with me.

They don't call me Kill Bill Will for nowt, now who spilled my pint.

Bill Will you is.....a very nice chap.

Quote: sootyj @ 14th January 2014, 1:44 PM GMT

I have to be honest if I had a shooter, I'd probably shoot in order

People who text when they walk
People who listen to music on public transport
People who push in, in queues
People who breed zebras
zebras
Kids who ride on scooters
Families who ride on scooters on buses
People who eat fried chicken other than a hermetically sealed box
People who say ya get me
People who listen to music on public transport

Thats a big list so I'd probably need a machine gun or something.

And people who use emoticons???

And ... giraffes?

Theyre next

Zebras first

Parrallel lined prat ponys.

Quote: sootyj @ 14th January 2014, 6:24 PM GMT

he bursts into tears and phoned the UN to say I was trying to occupy him

Just like Coronation Street's Bill Roache. Teary

http://www.upworthy.com/its-truly-shocking-that-these-words-were-coming-out-of-your-television-last-year?c=ufb1

actually on the subject of the above joke, what do you think of this?

I'm inclined to say I think they're all good jokes on a bad subject, butthat's a good thing because it opens a discussion.

They're not showing the jokes in context so we can't tell if they're funny or not.
So evidently they're offended by the mere mention of rape, rather than that they are bad or distasteful jokes.

Of course hearing mention of rape is going to upset a person who has experienced it. But so would someone mentioning it on the news, or a documentary. So...

Been a good day for the entertainment business all in all . .

William Roche on trial
Dave Lee Travis on trial
Rolf Harris bailed to trial in April
Freddie Starr re -arrested.

Quote: Oldrocker @ 14th January 2014, 8:55 PM GMT

Dave Lee Travis on trial

Interesting that the alleged offences involve "unwanted contact by this defendant on much younger women". There seems to be an implication that the offence was worse because the victims were 'much younger', but why should this be?

I watched the Professionals the other day and there was a jokey scene where Bodey and Doyle were chatting up a school girl, who was I think 14.

It's wrong but some how it was another era.

Quote: sootyj @ 14th January 2014, 8:24 PM GMT

http://www.upworthy.com/its-truly-shocking-that-these-words-were-coming-out-of-your-television-last-year?c=ufb1

actually on the subject of the above joke, what do you think of this?

Come on, you know rape jokes are only funny if it's men raping men, particularly in a prison environment. Same with genital mutilation or tragic damage to sexual organs.

Here's a quick and easy guide to humour -

Man anally raped in prison until he bleeds and wants to kill himself = hilarious! Woman groped on public transport = you monster!

Man gets penis cut off in violent attack = hilarious! Woman gets clitoris cut off by Muslims = you monster!

Man has testicles unwillingly removed = hilarious! Woman gets breasts unwillingly removed = you monster!

If my boyfriend cheats on me, I'm cutting off his dick = hilarious! If my girlfriend cheats on me, I'm shoving a white hot poker so far up her vagina it penetrates her womb so she can't have children = you monster!

Now that we all know the rules, let's have a bit of equality - one way or the other.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 14th January 2014, 9:37 PM GMT

Come on, you know rape jokes are only funny if it's men raping men, particularly in a prison environment. Same with genital mutilation or tragic damage to sexual organs.

Here's a quick and easy guide to humour -

Man anally raped in prison until he bleeds and wants to kill himself = hilarious! Woman groped on public transport = you monster!

Man gets penis cut off in violent attack = hilarious! Woman gets clitoris cut off by Muslims = you monster!

Man has testicles unwillingly removed = hilarious! Woman gets breasts unwillingly removed = you monster!

Now that we all know the rules, let's have a bit of equality - one way or the other.

It'd be funny if any of that were true... :S

I can't think of anyone making jokes about male rape, let alone it being a common thing!

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