Hi all
Sorry for the spoiler on the topic title, but if I had just put Robert people might not have been as interested. Anyway here's 'Robert and Rob' The story of a young man with a strange medical condition 'Pelvic sermo Fama' also known as Chatty Penis..
I would appreciate feedback on this, no matter how harsh or picky. I am picky and pedantic when reviewing myself, so am thick skinned.
Thanks all
Much appreciated.
Terrible pitch...Sorry
Hello Mr Custard.
My deeply uncritical view is that this is a rather entertaining small film. And, given the subject matter, actually quite moving.
Nice.
Cheers..
Much appreciated
I was lying about having thick skin. It's paper thin 
I really liked it.
Really well filmed and edited, some good laughs in there.
Not a criticism, but worth noting that with such a relentless focus on his speaking schlong, his chatty chappy, his mumbling member etc that by the end of the sketch all you could imagine was the fella's funpart. It very strongly forces you to vividly imagine that, firmly in your mind and the sketch finishes and you are still sort of meditating on it and then you realise 'wait, what am I doing? I'm just thinking about a guys cock'. Which was a little disconcerting.
Hi Tony sorry but it is a gag that could run to a small sketch for me. You know the rules edit down. I cut out at the sofa scene which is mean of me but if you are going to make it more than a sketch you have to think in terms of drama too. Think in terms of acts even if it is a minute long.
You obviously put a lot of thought into the mechanics of the condition, and you explained it very convincingly - which is to say that you answered the questions that were going round in my groin (I'm empathic). I think what it lacked in character and plot development was largely compensated by the funny/sad aspects inherent in the concept. My main criticism would be the change of heart regarding the op - I think that was crying out for some kind of dramatic epiphany, perhaps with the surgeon's scalpel poised for the first cut.
I also watched and enjoyed one of your shorter pieces about potatoes.
Cheers all for the feedback.
In my defence some of the things pointed out will be due to lack of budget (Being none) therefore lack of time with actors etc. I got let down on the night of the karaoke scene, which led to slight changes, there was also scenes that have been pulled because the lack of one person changed the entire scene.
The edit has been on my desktop for a while since I did this edit, nothing has changed yet. But I might pitch the voice of the penis up slightly, to give it a squeaky'ish voice. And try to cut down some more without loosing any drama.
I think it will be a nice piece to use as a calling card, but as it stands isn't a festival winner. It might even need someone else to take over the edit to move it along now, as I'm probably too close to it.
As for the thought of visualising a cock throughout it. I've had a similar comment before and my response was - Think of the film as an abstract painting, you see what you want to see.
Also cheers for the comment about the plight of the potato
There is no such thing as a defence Tony when it comes to comedy. It's harsh I know.
It's a good idea and nicely filmed, got a good mock doc vibe.
But its the same joke over and over and it doesn't seem to go very far, just stays at the same level.
There is. I trained for 10 years with great guru's and mystical monks, and honed my comedy defence to a fine pointy thing. Normally a boom pole?
Narrr, I was previously involved in the music industry so I've got alligator skin. You need it to move forward.
Cheers
Quote: sootyj @ 12th January 2014, 10:37 AM GMTIt's a good idea and nicely filmed, got a good mock doc vibe.
But its the same joke over and over and it doesn't seem to go very far, just stays at the same level.
I hear what your saying. After the condition explanation has finished, say after he's seen controlling Robert's body movements. I wanted to move the drama or choice forward. What will Robert do? we he have it removed etc?
Probably just needs cutting down further?
I'll have a stab at an edit if you like if you can send me a file.
What was that
Or I can rip it off you tube .
Quote: sootyj @ 12th January 2014, 10:51 AM GMTWhat was that
Don't know what happened. I was typing a reply and it all went pear shaped, then ended up editing a post etc. Weird?