Comedy Poems/Raps. Feedback appreciated.

Hey.

I posted two of these a little while back, just generally seeking some sort of feedback.

What I have here are some YouTube videos of me performing comedy poems. I am aware that my delivery in them is a bit off- currently working on improving that for live performances. But anything else you can add would be great! I'm also interested to know if people think they work best like this (poems) or maybe some of them could have music behind them and be raps??

I dunno.. Like I said, feedback would be great. Obviously don't worry about watching them all.

1st: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbSpNsM3_b0

2nd: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lf0873F4Ptw

3rd: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPnwzYgj_qg

4th: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQwU84MgMNQ

5th: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1J6OokjAws0

6th: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIRjK-ieTZM

Thanks very much in advance.
Arron x

Hi Arron,

I liked them, they didn't make me fall about laughing, but that's not to say they wouldn't in a comedy night.

If anything, I would say it's to fast, you have cearly spent a lot of time (some would say misspent!) on these and a lot of the info is so fast its just totally missed! if you listen to comedians who do funny rap songs, they are all delivered much slower than a song, I think this is the same if you do it with a beat or just as a poem, half the seed and then half it again and I think you will have your audience eating out of your hand!

the first 3 are just excellent, but I had to listen to them about 5 times to catch it!

anyway well done.

I watched a few of them and thought that the lyrics/rhymes were very clever especially the puns. I would try out a few different styles and see how they look, maybe try going outdoors in a field or a park bench and reciting them on video and see how that looks.

I agree they are a to fast but overall I liked them.

Thanks guys/gals!

Has all been taken on board. Very good point at speed. Since reading that I've been listening to a lot of comedy songs- I'd never clocked before that comedians tend to go slower then regular songs, so you can catch the jokes!

Thanks, means a lot- both of you.

If either of you have content around the interweb do point me in its direction so I can return the favour!

Arron x

Hi Arron

I think I might have commented when you put some of this up before, but if not, read on...

Your delivery is very good, confident & full of character - yes, it's fast, but I quite like that, it feels like a gag cataract tumbling upon me. And your writing is very impressive, you can do rhythm as well as rhyme, which most comedy poets on here don't manage.

My only criticism of some good work is that it's all a bit academic. All the vids I watched were sort of 5 finger exercises for the poet, applying a single technique. I'd like to see you use these obvious skills in the service of something else - I don't know, a poem about the time your dog ate the neighbour's birthday cake, or whatever: make your technique serve the work, and not vice versa.

It's an immpressive technical arsenal you have, though.

Quote: gappy @ 1st January 2014, 9:20 PM GMT

Hi Arron

I think I might have commented when you put some of this up before, but if not, read on...

Your delivery is very good, confident & full of character - yes, it's fast, but I quite like that, it feels like a gag cataract tumbling upon me. And your writing is very impressive, you can do rhythm as well as rhyme, which most comedy poets on here don't manage.

My only criticism of some good work is that it's all a bit academic. All the vids I watched were sort of 5 finger exercises for the poet, applying a single technique. I'd like to see you use these obvious skills in the service of something else - I don't know, a poem about the time your dog ate the neighbour's birthday cake, or whatever: make your technique serve the work, and not vice versa.

It's an immpressive technical arsenal you have, though.

View original

This young man. I particularly liked the spoonerisms. Why not add one to this thread https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/post/406844/

Thanks guys!!

All really helpful, thank you

Arron

Can only echo what others have said, As far as I can see, I won't need an optometrist. But back to the point, your poetry is brilliant and the punmanship is spot on, but it is written puns that you are performing. The wordplay is much more obvious when read than when listened to. When comedians make jokes they take some time to create a 'context' from which the wordplay with it's unnexpected outcome derives humour, but your puns occur without context so quickly in real time, that (my) the mind struggles to find the punchline. I had to keep re-playing the words you said in my mind to find the puns and yes they are funny but I think with so many, you are selling yourself short when it comes to getting laughs from the average joe or joanne. Your poems sound lovely and you clearly have a poetic flow, but the puns get drowned in linguistic rapids, which is a shame because there are so many.