BCG Fantasy Premier League 2013/14 Page 68

Horseradish is definitely Paul Morley.

Quote: A Horseradish @ 29th December 2013, 10:54 PM GMT

Silva is a good player but his shirt should be yellow to match the cards he collects. He is a very strange phenomenon. A Ravel and Raheem in John Major clothing.

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I rest my case.

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ 29th December 2013, 9:49 PM GMT

Monthly form tables updated

August:

1 Real Ale Madrid Rob H 205
2 DON IN 60 SECONDS DONALD RUSHMORE 186
3 YOURCODENAMEIS:TEAM Mr Splodge 179
4 The Teke Over Gerry McDonnell 177

September:

1 Effsee FC Daniel Shakir 187
2 Preston Forfend Stephen Sunshine 186
3 Real Ale Madrid Rob H 172
4 DON IN 60 SECONDS DONALD RUSHMORE 168

October:

1 Yossarian United Ross Salvage 207
2 Ricketts United FC Ben Ricketts 195
3 YOURCODENAMEIS:TEAM Mr Splodge 187
4 Horseradish Rovers Raphanus L'Escargot 185

November:

1 Preston Forfend Stephen Sunshine 318
2 Yossarian United Ross Salvage 274
3 YOURCODENAMEIS:TEAM Mr Splodge 264
4 Horseradish Rovers Raphanus L'Escargot 235

December:

1 Moyes Abatement Soc. Godot Taxis 367
2 Ricketts United FC Ben Ricketts 357
3 Preston Forfend Stephen Sunshine 350
4 YOURCODENAMEIS:TEAM Mr Splodge 346

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My 5 second analysis reveals that Splodge is the most consistent player, based on the above, being in a Champs L. spot for 4/5 months.

"Consistency", one of Wenger's dreaded buzz words. The new buzz word for pundits/managers seems to be "guile" - I credit Tim Sherwood. Hoddle seems to be running with it too - cue "he never used to run much as a player" type jokes.

Despite buying players he's never seen play and never having heard of Ron Vlaar, Steve continues to shit points at the top of the league. Who would have thought it.

Bit of an unlucky week all round with Hazard getting a plumb lay off from Sakho's leg and Walcott getting an assist from a free kick that should never have been given.

Just as I've stemmed the points leak from Coleman I've got to buy another couple of players I don't want. Thank God the winter wildcard arrives for this Saturday's games.

Quote: Godot Taxis @ 27th December 2013, 1:29 PM GMT

He only played because Pellegrini was bricking it against Liverpool attack. He was limping at one point. Won't play this weekend.

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I doubted this advice and got rid of Boyata but you were spot on. The first time he had been played, I think, since 2011. Well done for claiming top spot in the December charts. The only thing I have managed is the twelfth green arrow in a row and a leap of around 500,000 places. Things can only get better in 2014.

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ 30th December 2013, 12:06 PM GMT

Would you care to elaborate?

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I edited out all of the three paragraphs on Flanagan to keep it nice and succinct.
Shame really. There were some great references to "Underneath the Arches" etc.

Not a great week for me, but have held onto 4th place. I have FOUR doubtfuls for the next set of games. Could really do with my wildcard, but it's not available until after this gameweek.

Wouldn't you know it?! I've drawn a Gooner in the next round of the Cup.

Quote: George Kaplan @ 30th December 2013, 4:57 PM GMT

Wouldn't you know it?! I've drawn a Gooner in the next round of the Cup.

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Cheam Gandalf is sure earning his money this Yuletide, ain't he!!

A slight rally this week no thanks to Rooney 'the delicate flower'. Trying to stop the slide as I watch Sunshine disappear over the horizon. Could somebody recommend a midfielder who actually does something please because all I seem to buy are wasters.

Quote: roscoff @ 30th December 2013, 5:22 PM GMT

Could somebody recommend a midfielder who actually does something please because all I seem to buy are wasters.

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Fellaini

Hazard?

Quote: roscoff @ 30th December 2013, 5:22 PM GMT

Could somebody recommend a midfielder who actually does something please because all I seem to buy are wasters.

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I'd suggest buying someone with both guile and consistency. Ideally, consistently guileful, rather than guilefully consistent. But not with intensity, as that is so yesterday.

Hope that helps.

Oh yeah, and before I forget, Ross, here's another pearl of wisdom I've picked up recently from one of those smart pundit types. Probably either Robbie Savage, or Danny Mills, but I don't think it was Shearer. The most important thing in a player is confidence, apparently.

When a player plays with confidence, it's a good thing, and raises his game.

Conversely, when he's lacking in confidence, it's a bad thing.

So pick players who look confident.

Quote: George Kaplan @ 30th December 2013, 8:20 PM GMT

I'd suggest buying someone with both guile and consistency. Ideally, consistently guileful, rather than guilefully consistent. But not with intensity, as that is so yesterday.

Hope that helps.

Oh yeah, and before I forget, Ross, here's another pearl of wisdom I've picked up recently from one of those smart pundit types. Probably either Robbie Savage, or Danny Mills, but I don't think it was Shearer. The most important thing in a player is confidence, apparently.

When a player plays with confidence, it's a good thing, and raises his game.

Conversely, when he's lacking in confidence, it's a bad thing.

So pick players who look confident.

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It's Jack Wilshere, isn't it.

What a lad!

Quote: George Kaplan @ 30th December 2013, 8:20 PM GMT

So pick players who look confident.

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What about this guy? He looks confident and he's putting his hand up!

Quote: George Kaplan @ 30th December 2013, 7:55 PM GMT

I'd suggest buying someone with both guile and consistency. Ideally, consistently guileful, rather than guilefully consistent. But not with intensity, as that is so yesterday.

Hope that helps.

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I don't think genius is too strong a word here.

Quote: roscoff @ 30th December 2013, 5:22 PM GMT

Could somebody recommend a midfielder who actually does something please because all I seem to buy are wasters.

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Walcott
Fast but no footballing brain. Likes to shoot directly at the keeper. Luckily in a team who will capitalise on anything he produces.

Hazard
Chelsea's best playing player. Has eight goals but some were against relegation teams or were fortuitous. Brilliant when he's on form but sometimes doesn't turn up. Hates ball boys.

Yaya Touré
Hard working but cannot look good on the ball. Great right foot and best value City mid.

David Silva
Fantastic player but cannot tackle and easily gets pushed off the ball. Picks up a lot of cards.

Ramsay
Arsenal's best player. Still breaking news to a lot of people. Crocked and now less good as a fantasy asset since Wenger moved him to centre right to accommodate Walcott.

Nasri
Shit.

Nolan
Bottle has broken.

Ben Arfa
Crazily talented but Pardue doesn't know how to manage him.

Jon Walters/Tom Cleverly
Comic relief.

Phillipe Couthino
Fantastically creative and fast-thinking but finishing poor this season.

Ravel Morrison
Good player but attitude problems and in a shit team.

Gareth Barry
0.5 second concentration span, aggressive, one-footed.

Steven Pienaar
Looks like a slower but equally shit Aaron Lennon.

JonJo Shelvey
Quick but inaccurate. Best bald player in the league.

Christian Erikson
Great skills, on his way to becoming a top player, but plays for Tottenham so may well never make it.

Others please feel free to carry on.

A thorough rundown there Godot. So cheers for that. Eriksen might well be the joker in the pack or the ace in the hole. May well bring him into the fold though don't tell Sunshine