Topical joke, needs editing!

Hi guy's

this isn't a stand alone joke, it would be added into my stand up to make it more topical, however I not sure if it gets the point across, or if I over tell it.

Is it funny? can it be made better?

the joke:

Wow, Andy Murray, the most boring person on earth won Sports personality of the year! Not, best sports person, after winning Wimbledon I'd understand that, but personality of the year!
However it's true that by winning he will inspire others.
I'm now thinking maybe I could win Miss Black America!

I would say that anyone watching would have made the same comment - I did. 'personality' geez. But then again I am prone to calling any boring fart I meet 'Mr personality'

The reference to miss black America I don't get.

I agree. They'll be a lot of "That's like BLANK winning BLANK" jokes

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 16th December 2013, 10:12 AM GMT

The reference to miss black America I don't get.

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As in: I'm not Black, not female, and not American but on the logic he won why couldn't I?

and I'm trying to get one done before everyone else starts churning them out so at least I don't get accused of copying others jokes!

Didn't he even make fun of him self being boring during his speech ?.... At least I think he did.. not sure because I fell asleep.

Too late, I noticed it's all over twitter already

If its just for your own amusement then fine but if you were planning on sending it off somewhere I'd avoid jokes that you have to get in first on to not be accused of ripping people off. Most common advice for joke writing, I think, is disregard your first thought on a subject because that's probably everyone elses first thought

good points, maybe I'll give up trying to be topical!
thanks for the help and advice

Quote: blahblah @ 16th December 2013, 10:31 AM GMT

Most common advice for joke writing, I think, is disregard your first thought on a subject because that's probably everyone elses first thought

View original

Alan Coren's advice was also disregard your second thought.

I am sorry Funy HaHA but you seem to be struggling with the absolute basics of gag writing; this is an obvious idea poorly executed.

Go away, write 20 gags and post them in a single thread, and I promise I will comment on them constructively, but starting a new thread every time you come up with a simple one liner is not what Critique is for.

I'm at a loss, not at why you're posting a bad version of a ridiculously cliched joke.

But why you're getting feedback.

Why not add this to a joke about him being British when he wins but Scottish when he loses?

Quote: sootyj @ 16th December 2013, 12:11 PM GMT

I'm at a loss, not at why you're posting a bad version of a ridiculously cliched joke.

But why you're getting feedback.

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This. Isn't there a joke thread somewhere anyway where single jokes can go?

TBH Funny, I never know whether you are just taking the piss or are seriously trying to make a go of writing, hard to tell really from your manner of posting.

I say, I say isn't it amazing Andy Murray won sports personality of the year?

Yes the BBC has a cross gender sporting award reflecting, effort and not belittling female sports. And Andy won it after blossoming late in his career showing true fortitude.

Quote: sootyj @ 16th December 2013, 1:38 PM GMT

I say, I say isn't it amazing Andy Murray won sports personality of the year?

Yes the BBC has a cross gender sporting award reflecting, effort and not belittling female sports. And Andy won it after blossoming late in his career showing true fortitude.

View original

that joke just reminded me of a character I wrote years ago called the reasonable comic, basically a comedian who is (wait for it) reasonable. "Footballers pay is stupid. I mean it's so high. Although the job is fairly high pressured so they do earn it"

Quote: blahblah @ 16th December 2013, 1:44 PM GMT

that joke just reminded me of a character I wrote years ago called the reasonable comic, basically a comedian who is (wait for it) reasonable. "Footballers pay is stupid. I mean it's so high. Although the job is fairly high pressured so they do earn it"

View original

Reminds me of John Thomson as compère Bernard Righton. Tricky to make it funny.