I like that one.
Only 2 weeks after it closed did I think of this stinker.
My office use to be stuffy, then I bought a load of advent calendars.
ADD VENT, get it? Sod you lot.
UKTV Gold Christmas Cracker Joke Competition Page 6
Quote: Tony Cowards @ 11th December 2013, 1:30 PM GMTWas sworn to secrecy but can now reveal, yes, mine was the Advent Calendar one which came 8th.
8th!? Pah! That's like 7th best loser!
(congrats, btw)
Dan
A cracker joke from pub- 'Enjoyed opening my advent calender; 1 Dec an Christmas tree appeared , on the 2 Dec a Reindeer , on the 3 Dec Tom Daley came out!'
Sorry.
I tried to open windows 7 and 8 on my advent calendar, but it just froze...
Congratulations to the winners!
Quote: sootyj @ 10th December 2013, 9:46 AM GMTWhat a rubbish joke and unoriginal.
Yup, I'd like to see what came last. Actually I wouldn't. That 'pulled a cracker' is ever so slightly not 'original' either...
It wasn't rubbish or unoriginal
But maybe a twerk in progress
This is the biggest joke of all:
"Boxes of six Gold Christmas crackers, featuring some of the jokes from the competition, can be ordered at Pedlars.co.uk for £15."
For fifteen quid I'll get you 30 Chinese-made crackers with jokes by Sooty or whoever else you fancy.
Fifteen quid for six crackers? Ho, ho. I assume Harrods still peddles the best crackers.
Can't go wrong with the old "What time did the Chinaman visit the dentist?" joke, which was a staple of crackers not so long ago.
I have opened a box of crackers up and replaced the jokes with my own jokes, something different for Christmas dinner.
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ 13th December 2013, 10:53 PM GMTIt wasn't rubbish or unoriginal
But maybe a twerk in progress
now that's funny,
which is also the title of the new comedy song compilation album
Quote: Carlos Manwelly @ 14th December 2013, 11:22 AM GMTI have opened a box of crackers up and replaced the jokes with my penis, something different for Christmas dinner. My mums going to pull a cracker
Carlos Mentally Unwelly sounds more like.
Quote: sootyj @ 14th December 2013, 11:25 AM GMTI have opened a box of crackers up and replaced the jokes with my penis
I'm sure I have seen something like this in what was either a daft porn film or just a lame smutty film.
Quote: Carlos Manwelly @ 14th December 2013, 11:22 AM GMTI have opened a box of crackers up and replaced the jokes with my own jokes, something different for Christmas dinner.
Yes, I'd be keen on doing this. Keep it a secret, get the jokes professionally printed, and make sure they're tailored to insult or offend certain guests.
Carlos Mentally Unwelly, I like that that and it is not the first time I have heard something similar. Carlos Not Welly is another one I have been called.
I am hoping when they pull the crackers they won't be to harsh with their critique.
If you are not kidding - how do you get them out and back in?
Quote: Carlos Manwelly @ 14th December 2013, 12:48 PM GMTCarlos Mentally Unwelly, I like that that and it is not the first time I have heard something similar. Carlos Not Welly is another one I have been called.
I am hoping when they pull the crackers they won't be to harsh with their critique.
Just dicking around, which I only do with those I enormously respect
Sainsburys have a Christmas cracker compo at the momo
Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 14th December 2013, 8:53 PM GMTIf you are not kidding - how do you get them out and back in?
Carefully.
When I did it a couple of years ago (for a character stand up set) the crackers I had (from pound land or similar) were tied with that metallic ribbon you get for wrapping presents. It was a bit fiddly, but relatively easy to untie and open one end, carefully swap the joke and then re-tie.
Quote: sootyj @ 14th December 2013, 8:56 PM GMTSainsburys have a Christmas cracker compo at the momo
Looks like it's closed now.