Secret News.

This is the first bit of a type of comedy news show, that I'm writing. Please tell me what you think.

The Secret News.

Host: Hello and welcome to tthe secret news. Where your garantied to get the news you won't get anywhere else, because I made them up. I'm this person and I have a great line-up of stories for you. It's gonna be wild, it gonna be crazy and anything can happen. A duck might give birth to a frying pan or a wresteling nun might come in do a murder investingation and then sneak off with your favourite underwear. Those were examples of things that might happen during this show, but we won't know untill we start. Allons-y!

Breaker.

Host: All right! Now the show is really starting, I can feel it in my fingers I feel it in my toes oh yes I do. So I'm just gonna set the mood for the first story. Here we go: Imagine that you fall asleep, you have a lovely dream where a smiling hippo buys you a xylophone, it winks at you, you fall in love with it and just as you're about to introduce it to your parents, you wake up and realize that your husband of nine years has turned in to a giant seacreature over night. That's exactly what happend to Alice teacup yesterday. I went to se her and here it is.

I married a lobster.

( At mr. and mrs. teacups house. )

Host: Mrs: Teacup tell me what happened yesterday morning.

Mrs. T: Oh it was the strangest thing really. I woke up because something kept pinching me, I saw the horoble red claws and thought oh dear I married a lobster/My husband has gone and turned into a lobster.
( lobster husband waving and smiling )

Host: Wow that must have been a bit of a chok for you?

Mrs. T: Well yes but I must say the biggest chok was that he'd become french aswell, he never used to be. But come to think about it he always had some lobster caracteristics, like he loved being in water, not too hot though, he would get bright red if the water was hot.

Host: Right. and Mr. Teacup how has it been for you going from being a middleaged brittish man to suddenly a french lobster? Did you see it comming or were you as surprised as your wife?

Lobster: ( in a french accent) Well now that it has happened it feels like I've always known deep down, like I've finally taken my true form. And my grandfarther was a fisherman and my grandmother a french maid so it was bound to happen eventually.

Host: Okay well that makes sense. But I know alot of people like lobster, are you afraid that someone will try to eat you at all?

Lobster: Yes there has been some hungry looks when I walked to the shop this morning. And my wife she loves lobster but hopefully she loves me more, ha ha.
Mrs. T: Ha ha your silly.

Host: Ha Ha all right thank you so much and try not to eat each other.

( back in the studio )

Host: After this Mr. Teacup the lobster tragically died in an acident with boiling water followed by delicious butter sauce. I tried phoning mrs. Teacup to hear how such a thing could happen, but Iwas told she had her mouth full at the moment.

Please tell me what you think

I like the way you say "Where your garantied to get the news you won't get anywhere else, because I made them up."

If you had a good actress, with a Danish accent, who delivered the lines exactly as you've written them, it could be very funny.

I am not going to pick on the occasional spelling mistake, because I am assuming Danish is your first language, and being funny in a second language is in itself an achievement.

There are two parts to this. The intro is very excitable, which is jarring on paper, but the performance can make it work. Are you yourself a performer?

The sketch part works okay, the premise is nicely daft and it gives the opportunity for a silly French accent. The final sentence rather labours the punch.

It is nonsense which is my favourite type of comedy I liked it, good imagination and a good silly story to go with it. I don't think you need the host at the end just in case you wanted to use the characters again for another story.

I like the madness in the opening paragphs, but I think it would have more power delivered straight to camera, serious news anchor style:

"Our top stories tonight:" bam, bam, bam. They're really good wacky concepts, and I think they get a bit lost amongst "imagine something that might be a little like..." or what have you.

Not so convinced about the sketch part. It's a pleasingly loopy situation, but once you've started all you can do is plod to the end, there's not enough to make this a meaningful scene for me (although accents and costume could definitely help). Perhaps a description of the story then a cut to a few quotes fomr the wife, dabbing her chin with a napkin?

I also love, "all the news you won't heard anywhere else", I think that coudl be the sign off for the whole piece.

Good start, anyway, you're good at coming up with insane ideas; you shodul hook up with our very own Otterfox.

I'm a big fan of surrealism and silliness but this didn't quite work for me. I think it might partly be that the news-anchor setting raises expectations of a parody - which you don't get. To get away from this, I would consider not setting it in Britain, but in the tiny island of Farkinso, or something, to transport us to an 'imaginary land' straight away.

I'd also suggest that you push the wackiness further. The idea of waking up next to a lobster is fine, but it feels a bit surrealism-by-numbers to me (sorry if that sounds harsh! - I just mean the formula of 'put something unexpected somewhere', and I think you need to go further than that and carry the joke to more extreme places).

I didn't quite get a feel of whether the husband has turned into a lobster or always been a lobster. I think always been a lobster would be better, but instead of little clues like his skin turning red in the bath, it might be better to have pictures of him disguised as a human, while being obviously a lobster. Basically, a lobster in a tux and stick-on mustache in wedding pictures (or ideally something better!) so that the joke becomes about the fact the woman never noticed (presumably the husband knows he's a lobster?)

Alternatively, if the husband had no idea he was a lobster, focus on him rather than the wife, and come up with some wacky way that his true nature was hidden from him.

I think the idea has legs, though, and I thought the character of the anchor came across well. Definitely a good sketch in there!

Thank you so much for your response. I am going to perform myself. I've had a hard time finding actors so I may end up playing all the characters myself.

If you do manage to film it and are stuck for somebody to edit the footage, let me know and I will be glad to help out.

There is a lot of great ideas that I will think about. And who is this Otterfox? sounds cool. I would like to work with others.

Thanks Carlos that sounds great