Sherlock Holmes sketch

I'd be surprised if something like this hasn't been done, but...There are some follow-up sketches that continue the alternative Sherlock story, but they need more work.

DR WATSON and MRS HUDSON walk into a dishevelled room. They are only seen from the waist up.

DR WATSON
Sherlock, this is the new housekeeper, Mrs Hudson.

SHERLOCK HOLMES whirls around and gives MRS HUDSON a piercing stare.

SHERLOCK
You own three cats, two of which are homosexual. You bought haddock at a fish market earlier today, but you won't eat it because you think it looks like your Great Uncle Frederick. At the age of 15 you owned a red bicycle, which was stolen by a rascal with black hair and a tattoo of Bette Midler. Your bed is cold.

SHERLOCK whirls back around and starts throwing items around the room.

SHERLOCK (Cont)
Where is it?!

MRS HUDSON
Why, Dr Watson, that's incredible! Everything he said was completely...wrong...

DR WATSON
Fascinating, isn't it? He's been saying my leg's psychosomatic for years.

Reveal Dr Watson's leg is amputated from the knee and he leans on a crutch.

SHERLOCK uncovers a violin.

SHERLOCK
Aha!

SHERLOCK wrenches the bow tunelessly over the strings and sings nonsense.

Brave move doing Sherlock Holmes, about as classic a subject as man walks into a shop.

Not a bad idea at all, and the idea of Holmes as an idiot or nutcase again a classic.

Dialogue good, pacing good. But it's just way to short and there's no twist in it. I mean Watson having one leg is good, but no way is it built up enough.

Quote: sootyj @ 2nd December 2013, 2:59 PM GMT

Brave move doing Sherlock Holmes, about as classic a subject as man walks into a shop.

Not a bad idea at all, and the idea of Holmes as an idiot or nutcase again a classic.

Dialogue good, pacing good. But it's just way to short and there's no twist in it. I mean Watson having one leg is good, but no way is it built up enough.

View original

Thanks, and yeah I've put off writing this idea because it's so overdone! My original idea (written but not good enough yet) goes on for three more scenes, but it goes from jokey to kind of miserable...

I'll put them up below so you can see, but do you think it's better to expand on the one scene instead?

BEDROOM

MRS HUDSON struggles to help SHERLOCK put on a shirt. SHERLOCK wriggles away from her.

MRS HUDSON
Come on now, Sherlock, just the buttons left.

SHERLOCK fumbles with his buttons then gives up.

SHERLOCK
Buttons are boring!

SHERLOCK rips off the shirt and throws it across the room.

CUT TO:

DARKENED HOSPITAL CORRIDOR
SHERLOCK is wheeled by DR WATSON on a gurney to a set of double doors. He is strapped to the bed and he tries to wriggle free.

SHERLOCK
I know what you're doing! I know who you are! You live in a ground-floor apartment just outside Luton and you're allergic to pencils!

The double doors open. Nurses are waiting inside the room beyond with an ECT machine. The machine's manufacturer is emblazoned across its front: "Moriarty"

SHERLOCK (Cont)
(whispered)
Moriarty...

THE NURSES take hold of the gurney and pull SHERLOCK inside the room. The double doors swing back closed.

DR WATSON freezes as the echoing footsteps of men's formal shoes approaches.
A long shadow is cast across the wall.

DR WATSON slowly turns to face MYCROFT HOLMES.

DR WATSON
Mr Holmes...

MYCROFT
And how is my little brother today?

Behind the double doors, SHERLOCK screams and electric sparks fly.

DR WATSON
...fine...

MYCROFT
Have you got it?

DR WATSON fumbles in his inside pocket and brings out a small notebook.
He hands it to MYCROFT, who takes it and gives DR WATSON a wad of cash.

CUT TO:

A VICTORIAN-STYLE LIVING ROOM - HIGH CEILINGS AND BAY WINDOWS
An OLD WOMAN sits on the windowsill, staring out. She fumbles with the bottom of her blouse.

A door closes outside the room.

OLD WOMAN
Mycroft? Is that you, dear?

MYCROFT enters holding DR WATSON's notebook.

OLD WOMAN (Cont)
Mycroft. Any news on, Sherlock?

MYCROFT
I'm afraid he's working on a case of extreme importance and has not the time to meet with me. I saw his...colleague....Dr Watson. He has updated his journals.

MYCROFT hands the OLD WOMAN the notebook.

OLD WOMAN
I always said my little baby would go far. Didn't I, Mycroft?

MYCROFT
Yes, mother.

OLD WOMAN
He's a genius. That's what it is.

FADE OUT

nb here's my last 2 Holmes skits, one is very similar

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/9727#P286360

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/25248#P906189

I think in each of them good dialogue, pacing etc but you're missing out the most important thing.

What's the central joke, what are you actually trying to say.

I mean Viz had a surprisingly good story with "Sherlock Homo" where all his shenanigans, and investigations were actually a plot to have sex with dock workers. Crude yes, but it drove the whole thing along with vim and energy. Where as well written as yours are they're not going anywhere so to speak.

And here's my 3rd one

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/28103#P999155

Quote: sootyj @ 2nd December 2013, 3:12 PM GMT

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/25248#P906189

View original

^^^That one's really good.

Quote: sootyj @ 2nd December 2013, 3:12 PM GMT

What's the central joke, what are you actually trying to say.

I mean Viz had a surprisingly good story with "Sherlock Homo" where all his shenanigans, and investigations were actually a plot to have sex with dock workers. Crude yes, but it drove the whole thing along with vim and energy. Where as well written as yours are they're not going anywhere so to speak.

View original

Good point, hadn't thought about that enough and a lot of my stuff does end up too sprawly for that very reason...cheers very much, I'm going to rework it.

The second one is good, but from the get go we know Holmes is mad.

Ok here's an idea; Holmes is a massive racist bigot. And all his deductions are based around being incredibly racist, I may write that myself.

Quote: sootyj @ 2nd December 2013, 3:16 PM GMT

The second one is good, but from the get go we know Holmes is mad.

Ok here's an idea; Holmes is a massive racist bigot. And all his deductions are based around being incredibly racist, I may write that myself.

View original

Shit that's a good idea. We should have a Holmes-off!

This made me laugh!

haha a few years ago I wrote a couple of sketches about a Holmes-esque character who had been confined to an elderly people's home, tempted to dig out my old computer and stick it up!

The first one is nicely self-contained and works as a short and all the nuances of Sherlock and Watson come across in the witty dialogue.
Are the other two scenes meant to be a continuation? If so I'd say you need decide what 'feel' you're going for as the second two have a different tone to the first, i.e, the first one has a nice sense of the ridiculous and gives the character of Sherlock a dotty madness, the second two veer off into a darker side more in keeping with the original Sherlocks.

Quote: Shandonbelle @ 2nd December 2013, 8:17 PM GMT

The first one is nicely self-contained and works as a short and all the nuances of Sherlock and Watson come across in the witty dialogue.
Are the other two scenes meant to be a continuation? If so I'd say you need decide what 'feel' you're going for as the second two have a different tone to the first, i.e, the first one has a nice sense of the ridiculous and gives the character of Sherlock a dotty madness, the second two veer off into a darker side more in keeping with the original Sherlocks.

View original

Good point, I'm undecided whether to try and do something self-contained or to keep those other bits (they were a continuation). I feel like the scenes that follow the first aren't really 'funny' as much as they are explaining the first scene (eventually getting to the idea that Watson's journals were written to fool his mother into thinking her son was doing well for himself - but that's a bit weak in and of itself).

I think the change in tone has come with that 'explaining' of it and the slightly darker side to the reason behind Dr Watson's involvement with Sherlock.

I'm not sure whether I have the wit to try it again, but I think the whole thing would work better if I could get that darker edge into the original scene in a neater way and a stronger twist on the original story would probably be better - I think I basically just said that I need to scrap most of this

I like the first one and laughed out loud at the the mad violin playing. Maybe needs to be a little longer and - as SootyJ said - have more of a theme rather than just 'Holmes is mad'. Mitchell and Webb did a 'Holmes is mad' style sketch a while back too, so that's always going to cast a long shadow on anything similar.

Quote: sglen @ 2nd December 2013, 8:26 PM GMT

I think I basically just said that I need to scrap most of this

View original

Not at all, I really like it and Sherlock Holmes never gets boring! It's a bit of a challenge though but if you find your 'niche' idea then you'll have something to make it flow together.

Quote: Ben @ 2nd December 2013, 8:32 PM GMT

Mitchell and Webb did a 'Holmes is mad' style sketch a while back too, so that's always going to cast a long shadow on anything similar.

View original

Love that sketch. Beautiful pathos at the end, as well. That's another thing lurking in my mind that's telling me to change the central concept.

Quote: Shandonbelle @ 2nd December 2013, 8:36 PM GMT

Not at all, I really like it and Sherlock Holmes never gets boring! It's a bit of a challenge though but if you find your 'niche' idea then you'll have something to make it flow together.

View original

Thanks very much I more just mean I think I need to start from the beginning again, but I'm sure the same jokes will turn up within it

Was not mean on the first sketch, partly because it uses a visual reveal, and without this even being central to the sketch. (Reveals work much better on radio, because it is not so obvious that information is being withheld.)

The second sketch was more interesting, but not really funny.

Quote: Tursiops @ 7th December 2013, 2:37 PM GMT

Reveals work much better on radio, because it is not so obvious that information is being withheld.

View original

Very neatly put. This is why I pretty much write exclusively for audio, it just seems inherently funnier. If I have visuals I kleep thinking I need to do something with them, and get worried that two people ina shop isn't visually stimulating enough. I knwo I'm wrong, but I kind of can't help but think it.

Plus, of course, writing sketches that need to be filmed means I'll never make them, wheras audio isn pretty easy.