Thats too complex and distracting but its got me thinking of another sketch
Quote: sglen @ 27th November 2013, 10:25 PM GMTActually, I thought that too...might be good to play on that. He could be appalled and says he's not a paedophile when first offered? Then reveal that it's to protect him against paedophiles.
I think it was mostly commas lacking. But sorry to bring it up if dyspraxia affects that.
No problem are they better in the second draft.
I appreciate helpful advice, I've had it used to beat me over the head by lesser writers.