Roses are red...
Bacon is red...
Poems are hard....
Bacon.
Poetry
What is this? I'm moving it to the General Discussion forums and if you want feedback, I'll move it to Critique and if you want to discuss poetry from a writer's perspective I'll move it back to Writer's Discussion and if there's a sitcom called Poetry... ah, you get the idea.
Moved.
Mmmmm bacon ...
Pig poetry here:
The Japenese
Love English Cheese
With pan-fried Fleas
And chips and peas
But never ever
If you please
Give them salt
It makes them sneeze.........Arrrrghh-shooo!
Like a Night Club in the morning, you're the bitter end.
Like a recently disinfected shit-house, you're clean round the bend.
You give me the horrors
too bad to be true
All of my tomorrow's
are lousy coz of you.
You put the Shat in Shatter
Put the Pain in Spain
Your germs are splattered about
Your face is just a stain
You're certainly no raver, commonly known as a drag.
Do us all a favour, here... wear this polythene bag.
You're like a dose of scabies,
I've got you under my skin.
You make life a fairy tale... Grimm!
People mention murder, the moment you arrive.
I'd consider killing you if I thought you were alive.
You've got this slippery quality,
it makes me think of phlegm,
and a dual personality
I hate both of them.
Your bad breath, vamps disease, destruction, and decay.
Please, please, please, please, take yourself away.
Like a death a birthday party,
you ruin all the fun.
Like a sucked and spat our smartie,
you're no use to anyone.
Like the shadow of the guillotine
on a dead consumptive's face.
Speaking as an outsider,
what do you think of the human race
You went to a progressive psychiatrist.
He recommended suicide...
before scratching your bad name off his list,
and pointing the way outside.
You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart.
You're heading for a breakdown,
better pull yourself apart.
Your dirty name gets passed about when something goes amiss.
Your attitudes are platitudes,
just make me wanna piss.
What kind of creature bore you
Was is some kind of bat
They can't find a good word for you,
but I can...
TWAT.
Just read this online.
It was doing the round as a Pam Ayres poem but it was actually by a chap called John Summers. Made me laugh.
50 Shades of Grey (From a Husband's point of view)
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
T'was "fifty shades of grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominator !!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one"!!
Well readers, I can't tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.
Booyah!
'The Ashtray' by Anthony.
Steel rods of reason through my head.
Salmon jumping, where jump I?
Camels on fire, and spotted clouds.
Striped horses prance the meadow wild,
And rush on to drink at life's fountains deep.
Life is Cream. I am puce.
Ching. Chang. Cholla.
Cos you were mean to me
I've left
The BCG
David Smith
Was just a myth
They took the pith
He left forthwith
Quote: shaggy292 @ 17th November 2013, 1:36 PM GMTDavid Smith
Was just a myth
They took the pith
He left forthwith
What is this poem called? "Smithogyny"?
Quote: shaggy292 @ 17th November 2013, 1:36 PM GMTDavid Smith
Was just a myth
They took the pith
He left forthwith
Quote: Horseradish @ 17th November 2013, 10:44 AM GMT'The Ashtray' by Anthony.
Steel rods of reason through my head.
Salmon jumping, where jump I?
Camels on fire, and spotted clouds.
Striped horses prance the meadow wild,
And rush on to drink at life's fountains deep.
Life is Cream. I am puce.
Ching. Chang. Cholla.
brilliant - here is the lad himself reciting it.
http://www.railwaycuttings.co.uk/sounds/mp3/poems/the_ashtray.mp3
Quote: Will Cam @ 17th November 2013, 2:40 PM GMT
brilliant - here is the lad himself reciting it.
http://www.railwaycuttings.co.uk/sounds/mp3/poems/the_ashtray.mp3
Excellent. Beats Betjeman any day. 
Ah, Gwegory.
'Limbo.' by Sidney.
Mauve world, green me,
Black him, purple her,
Yellow us, pink you...
Lead pipes, fortune made,
Six-to-four, come in second,
Green country, blue Haringey,
And White City.
Hick. Hike. Hock.