Hi again, I'm thinking of filming this in the next few weeks, would love to hear your thoughts.
This is a small excerpt from a fake documentary about a struggling musician living in London. It doesn't really have a plot as such (it's a slow building one at least) it's more following the everyday life of an idiot.
This scene is kind of out of context but I'm interested in wether it's a funny scene or not rather than how it might fit within the story.
Thanks.
INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
KEVIN SITS ON THE SOFABED THRAPPING A ROLL UP, HIS LEG TWITCHES RAPIDLY.
NARRATOR
Kevin is waiting for the arrival of his old school friend Danny. They haven't seen each other in nine years.
INTERVIEWER (O.S)
When was the last time you saw Danny?
KEVIN (Welsh)
I don't know? It must be about eight years maybe. We were reet tight back then me and Danny. Like two fleas on a dog.
INTERVIEWER (O.S)
You mean two peas in a pod.
KEVIN
No, fleas on a dog. We used to infest parties and make people itchy with all the breeding.
(beat)
Not with each other like.
INTERVIEWER (O.S)
A lot of girls back then were there?
KEVIN
Loads. Not so many for me like, it were mainly him. In fact it was always him.
(beat)
I just used to watch.
THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR. KEVIN EXITS TO ANSWER THE DOOR.
THEY GREET EACH OTHER WARMLY.
KEVIN (O.S)
So how's it dangling dude?
DANNY (O.S) (Scouse)
It do dangle down dude, dangle down it do.
KEVIN
Are you down here for good then or...?
DANNY
Yeah man, I've already got a place sorted and everything.
KEVIN
That's great.
DANNY
I know. Check this out right, It's only an 'ouse full of bloody birds innit. I'm gonna have my own little harem man.
KEVIN (O.S)
Yeah?
DANNY (O.S)
Yeah man! Here, let me just go and take a piss and I'll tell you all about it. Is this the bog.
KEVIN (O.S)
Yep.
KEVIN ENTERS AND SITS DOWN, SMILES TOWARDS THE CAMERA AND WAITS.
A FLUSH. DANNY ENTERS AND SITS.
KEVIN
So what's this "Harem" business?
DANNY
Yeah man! Three of 'em. It's Dirty Mary and all her mates.
KEVIN
Nice.
DANNY
(finger snap)
"Danny and the dirty thirties" mate. I'm gonna have to start writing into Razzle.
KEVIN
I'll have to renew my subscription.
DANNY
(exited)
Oh, and get this right, it's only the house where they filmed the f**king "Good Life".
KEVIN
F**k off!
DANNY
I swear down mate. I'm the new Richard Briers.
KEVIN
Ha! What, living with pigs?
DANNY
Nailing collies to planks of wood.
KEVIN
Planting your seed in their bushy garden.
DANNY
Yes eye Rastafari. It's gonna be a poon overload. I'm gonna need a Viagra drip and a lollypop stick splint for me Rupert man. Ya dig?
KEVIN
Hold on though, Richard Briers never shagged all his housemates.
DANNY
You wha'? Are you telling me that Richard Briers wasn't at it all the time with that Felicity 'filthy' Kendal and that Miss "I love it up my tight arse" Margo bird? That place was a right old shag fest mate I'm telling ya.
KEVIN
You reckon?
DANNY
Definitely! All of them off there heads on herbal tea and mushrooms while Jerry was taking Polaroid's and wanking.
DANNY STOPS FOR A MOMENT AND LOOKS AT KEVIN.
DANNY (CONT'D)
Ha! That could be you. Wanking Jerry the Polaroid pervert.
KEVIN LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.
DANNY (CONT'D)
Nah, nah, it's gonna be f**king great la' I'm telling ya.
FADE OUT: