Newsjack Post Mortem

Hi all,

As many of you know another series of Newsjack has been and as none of my jokes got in I thought I would post a few of my one-liners in to see if anyone could make any suggestions as to how I could improve my comedy brew. Any tips more than welcome!

So a brief summary these are 'one-liners' that would be read by Justin Edwards on the show based on news topic of that week:
1)

JUSTIN: Tesco has revealed that nearly 30,000 tonnes of food got wasted this year. Guess that's what happens when you sell cheap booze.

2)

JUSTIN: Facebook is allowing videos of decapitation to be posted on its website amidst cries of disgust from concerned parents. Although why they are worried is unclear as you never get a clear image with choppy videos.

3)

JUSTIN: Allegations have been made that the Hillsborough TV footage was edited by the police. Our own analysis can confirm that coverage was...

POLICEMAN:....NOT IN ANY WAY AT ALL...

JUSTIN:....modified by the police.

I'll let someone else do the Newsjack analysis thing, having gone 0/6 myself this series.

What I will say is that the second and third ones are maybe a bit wordy?

Funny ideas though, just need a polish maybe.

Quote: Mike Yeoman @ October 28 2013, 7:31 PM GMT

Hi all,

As many of you know another series of Newsjack has been and as none of my jokes got in I thought I would post a few of my one-liners in to see if anyone could make any suggestions as to how I could improve my comedy brew. Any tips more than welcome!

So a brief summary these are 'one-liners' that would be read by Justin Edwards on the show based on news topic of that week:
1)

JUSTIN: Tesco has revealed that nearly 30,000 tonnes of food got wasted this year. Guess that's what happens when you sell cheap booze.

2)

JUSTIN: Facebook is allowing videos of decapitation to be posted on its website amidst cries of disgust from concerned parents. Although why they are worried is unclear as you never get a clear image with choppy videos.

3)

JUSTIN: Allegations have been made that the Hillsborough TV footage was edited by the police. Our own analysis can confirm that coverage was...

POLICEMAN:....NOT IN ANY WAY AT ALL...

JUSTIN:....modified by the police.

View original

I don't get number one is the joke its customers are too drunk too cook

2 Too wordy and too explained, jokes need to be fasty nippy and surprising this one lumbers towards a rather obvious punch. That and its a pun the BBC don't seem to like them,

3 Over explained and again an over wordy over obvious joke

Basically they get a few hundred jokes to choose from a week, so unless youre good and original youre going nowhere. I'd practice your joke writing, remember short, surprising and an original angle.

I think the joke in number one is that the food is drinking the cheap booze, and therefore "getting wasted". Nice play on words.

Oh now I see not bad, but a bit torturous to get there

Thanks for taking the time to give feedback guys. Definitely agree about the word count/getting to the joke quicker. I'm relatively new to this (and already had one success in Series 8 ) so going to keep refining my jokes until they are sharp, quick and lethal.

@Sootyj - I'll take your word on it that the BBC doesn't like puns but the Newsjack one-liners always seems to have one or two (and they're not always the ones that get the groans)

Cheers again!

Hi Mike,

Yes, don't be put off sending puns as Newsjack seem to like them.

No. 1 requires the audience to make a bit too much of a mental leap, though there is surely a good "wasted" gag to be made from that story.

No. 2 is too wordy, though again there is potential with "choppy videos".

No. 3 doesn't quite fit the format with a second voice coming in, and it isn't clear enough how listeners would know it was a policeman.

But you're clearly doing something right having had stuff used previously. My biggest tips are to choose the words carefully (e.g. no. 2 has clear and unclear in the same sentence, which is a bit clumsy here), cut out irrelevant words, and position the gag at or near the end. Also, and this is a big one, consider whether they work best as Justin gags. Would they work better as character-based vents/jack apps or as corrections? Use the best format for your gag.

Thanks badge - that's all really helpful! Feel like a bit of an idiot because I've been so focused on getting one-liners in I never thought of finding the right voice/home for a gag., ie via jack app, one-linersor corrections.

Thats a change then, they never used to like them much.

Albeit I think a double entendre is ok.

The two biggies I'd say is your jokes could be a lot neater, generally most of the processing should go on in the targets head not on the page. Secondly be original, if you think of an idea for a joke, usually ditch it and go with the second or third idea.

Because the first one tends to be the obvious one everyone else had thought of.