The Sitcom Trials 2013 Page 16

Here are my reviews. Reading all of these scripts really makes you think about your own work

2 dimwits in a lift. I didn't really buy that Malcolm was fine until Jamie mentioned it wasn't exciting. And lines like "how many more times" and "not this again" threw me because they've only been in the lift 40 seconds, unless they have preexisting relationship of course but there's no mention of it. I like the 3 quid bet joke. No real plot. NO

2 to 1. Loved the image of someone smoking and eating cheese - a bad breath triumph. I like the role reversal of the employee caring and the manager not, but it could be more apparent. There was a hint of a story - the shop being in trouble - but then it got lost. NO

ARTHOUSE. Not much difference between the characters, except the Bob Sharp character. They is a hint of a story at the beginning but it's not used to it's full potential and all seems a bit low stakes. I like the hugging joke. NO

BACKSTAGE - GUN. The problem s introduced very quickly which is good. But it's low stakes and solved very quickly. Decent characterization, but seems light on jokes. YES

BAXTER. Seems like a late night Jeremy Kyle so it's not really a premise for me. Also doesn't the baby have to be born for a DNA test? Other than the story of the guests, there is no story to keep it going. NO

BEING SOCIAL. Some characterization. I think the anal/rule obsessed character would be a good thing for the OCD character to be around, so maybe it would be better to put the OCD character in with a complete slob who would offset his traits rather than appease them with the safety of rules? There isn't really a story. NO

BELOW THE LINE. Story isn't introduced until quite late and even then it's not high risk. Even if she sees her ex is that a big deal? And if it is couldn't she just wear her monsters head and hide that way? Some decent jokes. NO

BOOKMOBILE. Good characterization. I feel the story is a new employee starting, but that would be a better story later in the series when the status quo has been set so the new employee threatens to upend their world just by showing up. As it is it's another character we don't know so it doesn't really work. Some decent jokes and characters. YES

BUCK KNIGHTLY. I like the idea of a lazy superhero. I thought the story was going to be Buck reluctantly saving the hostages but then it kind of disappeared. NO

CASSIE. Not much distinction between characters. I think you could have condensed the first 10 pages of exposition into a few lines in Cassies head like "how could she do this to me" which would have freed you up to explore a more action filled story. NO

CHODE charity. The layout was difficult to follow - doesn't effect my vote but worth noting. Jokes fall flat and some of Debbies lines seem to be meant for someone else. NO

CULT OF STAN. I think it would give you more scope for stories if you started at a point when the group was established that way you wouldn't have to do the introduction type lines and you could get the characters across by how they interact. As it stands the only story comes in act 2. NO

DAISY DAISY. There's a very high risk story introduced pretty quickly, can't get any higher risk than losing a child, but it kind of fades in and out. MAYBE

DEMEDDLERS. Good characters. Strange thing to say about a script that involves time travel, but they didn't have much story. MAYBE

DONNIE EPISODE 1. Not much difference between characters and no real story. Also the cliffhanger doesn't make me want to know what happens to Donnie. In fact I want him to get sacked. NO

CARAVAN SCRIPT. I thought it was going to be about the trials and tribulations of going green but that disappeared fairly quickly. Nice characters and decent jokes. MAYBE

FLICK OF THE WRIST. The characters all felt the same to me and the jokes fell flat. Especially the time dedicated to fart noises. NO

HENCH. I like the premise and there is some characterization. But I feel it would have been advantageous to have introduced the premise along side a story rather than just the premise. I do like Pip most out of all the characters. Ill give it a MAYBE

HMS Bagworth. Hard to tell the difference between characters. Jokes fall for flat for me. I did like the fact it took place in a submarine, but it was slow to get going. NO

HONEST. Rounded characters are introduced within first couple of lines which is great. The Michelle character is very rounded and annoying, in a good way. But there's not much of story. MAYBE

KATE AND MIKKA. There is a clear story but it feels a bit low risk. The jokes also fall flat. Because Kate and Mika are very similar it was hard to tell the difference and envisage conflict NO

LES HAPPY. There is a hint of characterization with Gemma, but it gets lost. Jokes fell flat. NO

ME, MYSELF & I. Lot of over expositional lines at the start. Jokes fell flat especially the reference to IT crowd (switch it on/off) NO

MEN AT SEA. I was reluctant to start reading it when I saw it said page 1 of 21! I liked the Christmas joke. Slow to get going. NO

MR EGO . Not much of a story and the jokes fell flat for me. Also thought the coach and lead were too similar NO

NOBODY & HIS CAT. Not much of a story. There's kind of a story when the wrong crowd show up but it's introduced too late. The jokes fell flat. NO

NOT BOOK SMART. Jokes a bit flat and a lot of just two people talking with nothing happening. Also the layout was hard to follow, which had no affect on my vote but just mentioning it NO

OLD BOY BAND. Alan, Jim and Steven all seem very similar. On the long side and not much of a story. NO

ON MESSAGE. Strong premise. Didn't really like that a character was called Freddy Kruger but that's personal taste and others will like it. YES

RED OR DEAD. Intriguing premise, but light on jokes. The story of the missing husband should be introduced sooner. I don't really like the place names for character names but others will. MAYBE

SHHUUUSH. The story, as I saw it was, Oscar wanting peace to finish reading his book but it was very low risk. Maybe if he was reading an important memo from head office or something, but as it stands I'm not rooting for him or anyone. NO

SINCE YOU'VE BEEN GONE. Nice premise, but the jokes and the story fell flat for me. I think we should see them living together from page one get straight into the conflict. NO

SMOOTH CRIMINALS. Slow to get going and jokes fell flat, specifically the gloves and porridge jokes NO

SOCKS - PUB. I like the idea of the cast of socks, but the jokes fell flat not much of a story either. NO

THE GREAT ESCAPE. Ed's first line is way too expositional. You could have just had the report of a convict reported on the radio or something. Slow to get going. NO

THE MAGIC MAN. This is my entry and of course I'm going with YES

THE SOCIAL COMMITTEE I really liked the first day dream, really made it stand out from the others. But after that they was no story and overly crude. I think the re-assembling should have happened before page 9. NO

THE HOLE. The characters are somewhat distinct. Some of Teddys lines are pretty misogynistic (saying all women want babies) and I think this type of character only works if Katy points out how wrong he is, but she doesn't so her silence kind of validates what he says. Also the jokes fall flat. It's a NO

TICKING OVER. The first page was different from anything else in the contest, so that's a positive. There is a story present, but feels low risk. I mean fixing a car behind someones back is fairly easy to do. MAYBE

TURBULENCE. Hard to tell the difference between characters. Would Roger sink to Jimmys level after such a short space of time. For instance if I met someone I wouldn't be mentioning his STI's within 30 seconds. The jokes fell flat NO

URGAN BOHEMIA. Loved the characters name, but the characters were very similar and I couldn't tell difference between Lilly and Xander. The jokes did not work for me. NO

Quote: blahblah @ October 23 2013, 1:16 AM BST

BAXTER. Seems like a late night Jeremy Kyle so it's not really a premise for me. Also doesn't the baby have to be born for a DNA test?

View original

No. Prenatal paternity test.

Can only comment on three so far - and a yes for all! Hopefully I will et back to this in time...

Arthouse - A smart and interesting premise for a sitcom, and certainly up my alley. I liked the eccentric characters. Jokes didn't always fire on the page but I'd be interested in seeing this develop and think it would be great in performance. YES.

Kate and Mika - Full disclosure - a friend wrote this. I think it is great opportunity for two young comic actresses to do a big, silly comedy, and there's not much like that. Non-traditional jokes in the form of amusing banter were entertaining. YES.

Urban Bohemia - Mine. YES.

Well I've read them all and here's my tuppence worth. Feel free to disagree with me. I'm new to this, so what do I know? Good luck to everyone!

"2 Dimwits in a Lift"
I found some of the exchanges in the lift funny, but this felt more suited to a once-off sketch than a sitcom, in which case it was too drawn out. NO.

 
"2-to-1"
This had some funny lines in it. I think the bookies has potential for plenty of quirky characters and funny events. Not sure the author angle brought much to it. MAYBE.

 
"Arthouse"
I thought the sitcom based in an art gallery was a good concept. I felt most of the characters were good but the Bob Sharpe character referring to himself in the third person all the time was a bit over the top and grated a little. Found this quite funny though. YES.

 
"Backstage - Gun"
Interesting idea, seeing the chaos that goes on backstage. At times I found it difficult to differentiate between some of the characters, but there were plenty of laughs. MAYBE.

 
"Baxter"
I know this was intended to mock shows like Jeremy Kyle, but it wasn't a lot different from the show itself. Didn't really get any of the jokes. NO.

 
"Being Social"
I really like the idea of a sitcom based in a social services office. I expect people in this situation to be a touch on the crazy side, resulting in a lot of laughs. My problem with this one was that the characters were just too crazy, leading to chaos and confusion rather than laughs. MAYBE.

"Below the Line"
There was some funny dialogue in this one but there wasn't much of a story other than polly trying to hide from her ex and the ending fell a bit flat for me. NO.

 
"Bookmobile"
I enjoyed this one. Plenty of laughs and the characters are very well thought out and quite different. I can see potential for plenty more stories as people visit the library. YES.

 
"Buck Knightly - Reluctant Superhero"
I like the concept of a reluctant superhero, but this one didn't really work for me. I think there's more potential in him dealing with actual crime, than talking himself into trouble and then trying to talk himself out of it. NO.

"Cassie - Friends Like These"
I like the idea of Cassie talking to the audience in this, but there was a bit too much talking and not enough action. I didn't really find much of it that funny. NO.

 
"CHODE Charity"
I think a comedy based on a children's charity could work, with plenty of comedic opportunities in the characters they meet and setbacks they encounter. Unfortunately, I don't think this episode worked particularly well. The CEO and TV presenter characters lacked depth and the jokes felt a bit forced. NO.

 
"Cult of Stan"
I quite enjoyed this. The characters are distinct from each other and there's some funny dialogue. What happened to the duck? YES.

 
"Daisy Daisy"
Besides the fact that Brian knows his sister is a waste of space and discovers that his mother is worse, there's not a whole lot happening in this other than conversations where they hurl abuse at him. I didn't really find it very funny. NO.

 
"Demeddlers"
Nice premise and I like how the thingamjigs are described. I liked a lot of the jokes in this, especially the paradox one. The story for this episode was a bit simple, but I suspect that was due to the 10 minute limit. With more time, there'd be room for more story. YES.

 
"Donnie Episode 1 - The Appraisal"
The Donnie character is just too unlikeable. I know that's intended, but he lacks depth and it doesn't make me care about what happens to him. The other characters just seem to be there for him to be mean to. NO.

 
"Eden Meadows"("Caravan script")
I quite liked the first half of this. There were plenty of funny lines and a lot of information was conveyed with just the two characters. It seemed to lose its flow in the second half though and I feel it could have been wrapped up quicker at the end. MAYBE.

 
"Flick Of The Wrist"
This had some funny dialogue at times but the characters didn't really stand out and it felt like not much happened until he lost his job and not much happened for him to get it back. NO.
 

"Hench"
I really liked the premise of this one. Normal guy working for an evil villain. I found it funny throughout, but felt the ending trailed off a bit. Still, it was very funny. YES.

 
"HMS Bagworth"
I liked the idea of the hapless crew on an under equipped submarine, but I struggled to distinguish between some of the caracters. There were some good jokes in there but the confusion over the intercom only stretches so far. NO.

"Honest"
The obvious comparison is going to be with Friends, but the characters are sufficiently different to make this work. There was some good, funny dialogue and I'm sure plenty of potential. YES.

 
"Kate and Mika"
This seemed a bit drawn out. They fancy a guy who is clearly gay, but there's not much more to it than that. Possibly suitable for a sketch, but would need to be seriously cut back. NO.

 
"Les Happy"
This seemed to be an attempt to create a female odd couple but it was too forced. The pair are just too differet for it to be believable. Didn't really find it that funny. NO.

 
"Me, Myself & I"
I think this one would work more as a sketch than a sitcom. The characters aren't really clear and there is a limit to how far this idea can go. There didn't seem to be many jokes, or at least I didn't get them. NO.

 
"Men At Sea"
 Unique idea for a story and I found some of it funny at times, but it dragged on a bit and seemed to lose steam near the end. MAYBE.

"Mr Ego"
There wasn't really much of a story to this one and I didn't find it particulary funny. I can see the idea of playing against an old lady being funny, but it's more of an idea for a sketch, than for a sitcom. NO.

"Nobody & His Cat"
For a sitcom about a comedy group, I didn't find this very funny. There wasn't much happening, just a lot of dialogue that I didn't find particulary funny. NO.

 
"Not Book Smart - The Date"
This one didn't really work for me. The characters were all distinguishable, but there wasn't much happening. There was a lot of talk about KY jelly but it still felt tough around the edges. NO.

 
"Old Boy Band"
There wasn't a lot happening in this one. A few friends hanging around and taking the piss out of each other, but not much of a story. Colin auditioning to be in the band isn't enough to carry it. NO.

 
"On Message"
A nice idea, trying to get this guy elected because of his grandfather. I felt this could have gone further than him getting into trouble for accidenntally kissing an old lady. I didn't like the Freddie Kruger thing, and I didn't think that character brought much to the story, but there were some funny bits. MAYBE.

"Red Or Dead"
I think the idea of a private detective on Mars is good, but I didn't find myself laughing much. The story of the missing husband seemed to be hinting at more, as did the weirdness at the end, but I think more needed to be revealed earlier on to grab attention. MAYBE.

 
"Shhuuush!"
The Oscar character seemed believable to me and it was funny how he resented people disturbing him, but the Keith character was just too mental and I think any jokes involving him would get old fast. There wasn't a whole lot going on. I suspect the interaction between Edie and Oscar would be interesting in future episodes, but this one felt like it had too much set up and not enough jokes. MAYBE.

"Since You've Been Gone"
This seemed to be trying to create a situation where a lot of very different people are forced to live together but it was a bit of a stretch. They don't really have to live together and in reality they wouldn't. There was too much set up for me and not enough funny. NO.

 
"Smooth Criminals"
I can see how the idea of dumb criminals messing up a job could be funny, but this one didn't really work for me. They were all too stupid and I didn't really find the jokes particularly funny. Maybe this would work better if some of them actually knew what they were doing and the others messed things up. The plot would need to be a lot more complex for it to keep people interested though. NO.

 
"Socks - Pub"
I can see this being similar to the muppets with some funny jokes interspersed between video sequences and musical numbers. I guess you'd either love it or hate it. MAYBE.

 
"The Great Escape"
There was a lot of dialogue in this one but not much story. I don't believe they'd go to such lengths to catch a dangerous convict. It moved too slowly for me and not enough jokes. NO.

 
"The Magic Man"
This was an intersting idea. The washed up and talentless magicians trying to save the old theatre. The characters were well thought out and distinct. There were some funny bits, but I wasn't keen on the way it all resolved so conveniently in the end. MAYBE.

 
"The Social Committee"
I found this one to be quite slow moving and crude. I know some people will find that funny, but it's not my sort of thing.  NO. 

 
"The Hole"
The characters in this one were all clearly different, but I'd say too different. I couldn't really believe that a young privately educated heir to a large family fortune would be living in a flat with a bricklaying drug dealing perv. NO.

 
"Ticking Over"
This is mine, so...YES

 
"Turbulence"
I wasn't sure about the caracters in this one. They all seemed to be stereotypical airline workers (gay steward, womanising pilot, etc.). There was a lot of sexual innuendo but not much more in the line of humour. NO.

 
"Urban Bohemia"
I didn't really get this one at all. The characters are quite quirky, but they're all quirky in the same way, so it was hard to distinguish between them. I didn't really get many jokes I'm afraid. NO.

Here are my reviews - please don't hate me - also, my reviews are lot shorter than the others, I just didn't have much time I'm afraid, so just one liner reviews. Also, I noticed that a lot of the sitcoms didn't seem to follow the brief, and seemed to be a lot longer than the time specified. But maybe SITCOM TRIALS are quite relaxed about that (this is my first time entering it).

2 Dimwits in a Lift
NO
Not enough happens and the dialogue goes on for too long before anything new occurs.

2-to-1
NO
Personally I couldn't see the humour in this, although other people might find the characters and situation funny.

Arthouse
MAYBE
The character of Bob Sharp is very funny. There seems to be at least seven characters which I think is too much.

Backstage - Gun
MAYBE
I felt it went on a bit but I did like the ending.

Baxter
YES
Fast paced and interesting cliff hanger.

Being Social
MAYBE
Quite punchy and interesting characters.

Below the Line
MAYBE
Quite like the characters but not much happpened and the ending needed something more.

Bookmobile
YES
This was my favourite. Characters worked well together and dealt with crisis as a team.

Buck Knightly
NO
This wasn't my cup of tea, but perhaps others will enjoy it.

Cassie
YES
I like this one a lot; because it's mine.

CHODE Charity
NO
I felt this was too wordy.

Cult of Stan
MAYBE
Flowed well but would have liked more action.

Daisy Daisy by
NO
This wasn't for me, but others might enjoy it.

Demeddlers by
MAYBE
Quite like the characters.

Donnie
NO
This wasn't for me, but others might enjoy it.

Eden Meadows

Flick Of The Wrist
NO
This wasn't for me, but others might enjoy it.

Hench
NO
This wasn't for me, but others might enjoy it.

HMS Bagworth
NO
This wasn't for me but others might like the humour.

Honest
MAYBE
First scene was funny.

Kate and Mika
NO
This wasn't for me, I wasn't sure who 'Amy' was.

Les Happy
MAYBE
Characters quite interesting.

Me, Myself & I
NO
This wasn't my cup of tea, but perhaps others will enjoy it.

Men At Sea
MAYBE
Quite like the characters, quite funny

Mr Ego
NO
The first bit was promising, but not enough to keep interest

Nobody & His Cat
NO
Started well, but then I found it hard going

Not Book Smart
NO
I felt this was too wordy.

Old Boy Band
NO
This wasn't for me, but others might enjoy it.

On Message
MAYBE
Quite pacey, characters quite interesting.

Red Or Dead
MAYBE
This started well but didn't keep up the initial promise.

Shhuuush!
NO
This wasn't for me, but others might enjoy it.

Since You've Been Gone
NO
This wasn't for me, but others might enjoy it.

Smooth Criminals
NO
This wasn't for me, but others might enjoy it.

Socks - Pub
MAYBE
Original, but not sure I'd watch it.

The Great Escape
NO
The banter went on too long and I didn't warm to the characters.

The Hole
NO
This wasn't for me, but others might enjoy it.

The Magic Man
NO
This wasn't for me, but others might enjoy it.

The Social Committee
NO
This wasn't for me, but others might enjoy it.

Ticking Over
NO
This started well but was less interesting as it progressed.

Turbulence
NO
This wasn't my cup of tea, but perhaps others will enjoy it.

Urban Bohemia
NO
This wasn't for me, but others might enjoy it.

Review of 'TURBULENCE'

YES

Great comedy, based on a budget airline, with the drama of a woman giving birth, a motley crew of flight staff and passengers there to witness it. The characters are great from the sex-obsessed pilots to the gay air steward and 'false' doctor. Lots of sexual innuendos and the jokes build up until the great punchline at the end involving the placenta. A nice little play which would work well on radio or TV.

Keep those reviews/votes coming and thanks to everyone who's voted so far.

Just to clarify, though; votes/reviews of just one script won't be counted, in the interest of fairness: it does look a bit like tactical voting, which is, of course, to be discouraged. A handful of reviews/votes is fine, though obviously the more the better - special thanks to those who tackle all forty odd scripts.

Quote: Mr Ashdown @ October 26 2013, 3:35 AM BST

Keep those reviews/votes coming and thanks to everyone who's voted so far.

Just to clarify, though; votes/reviews of just one script won't be counted, in the interest of fairness: it does look a bit like tactical voting, which is, of course, to be discouraged. A handful of reviews/votes is fine, though obviously the more the better - special thanks to those who tackle all forty odd scripts.

View original

Shame on you Mr Ashdown. We all love comedy round here and Wez has, in the very competition you run, found a piece of work so funny that he was inspired to break his (possibly) decades long silence on the subject of comedy and bare his critic's soul. And you see fit to crush his new-found enthusiasm for the genre. Oh the humanity.

He loves this piece - and what's not to love? Gay stewards (it's funny because its true); sexual innuendo (it's funny because it's blue) all set in a shining silver tube suspended against the laws of nature in the sky (its funny because it flew).

To satisfy your neo-liberal craving for 'honesty' and 'fairness' (has all George Osborne's work been in vain?) Wez will now have to wade through several sitcoms containing none of these elements (to my shame, mine included) and experience bitter, soul-crushing disappointment at the absence of those things he found to love in Turbulence - causing him to vote 'no' to all these pale immitations.

I hope you're proud of yourself.

I would never do that kind of voting, although I will point out how much I do for charity. A bit. I do a bit.

Think I'll re-read some of the scripts after some scripts I thought were not very good - no offence inteded - have been getting some mixed reviews. Might be a good exercise to try to see what they saw in those scripts

It's all a bit unpleasant passing comment on other people's hard work but personally I'm finding it very useful to see everyone's thoughts.
Anyway bonsoir, and here are the votes from the Motherwell jury:

"2 Dimwits in a Lift"
NO
Not enough plot progression, just two guys in a lift talking and the dialogue wasn't great.

"2-to-1"
MAYBE
The characters showed promise but the jokes could have been better.

"Arthouse"
YES
Good characters and plot with some very funny dialogue.

"Backstage - Gun"
NO
Nice premise but the plot didn't engage me and there weren't enough laughs.

"Baxter"
NO
This felt like a long sketch. I Would have liked more of a plot.

"Being Social"
NO
Lots of banter but nothing really happens until the very end.

"Below the Line"
MAYBE
Likeable but not really a full episode, only a first act.

"Bookmobile"
YES
Clear characters, original premise and pretty funny.

"Buck Knightly
YES
Mine.

"Cassie
YES
Really enjoyed this. Good characters and a nice approach.

"CHODE Charity"
MAYBE
Quite good in parts but the dialogue was overly long.

"Cult of Stan"
NO
This felt like a sketch to me rather than a sitcom. Not sure where it goes. Good idea though.

"Daisy Daisy"
NO
Overly long dialogue in parts and just not my cup of tea, sorry.

"Demeddlers" by
MAYBE
Heavy on the exposition, characters felt a bit thin but liked the premise.

"Donnie"
YES
Donnie is a fun character and script was quite enjoyable.

"Eden Meadows"
NO
This felt like character based stand up, not a sitcom. Fun in parts though.

"Flick Of The Wrist"
YES
Mine.

"Hench"
YES
Fun idea with some good gags.

"HMS Bagworth"
YES
Very enjoyable read. Cabin Pressure beneath the waves.

"Honest"
YES
Interesting characters and some very good gags.

"Kate and Mika"
MAYBE
More of a sketch than a sitcom. Some good lines though.

"Les Happy"
YES
Mismatched flatmates. Idea not original but I still liked it.

"Me, Myself & I"
NO
Could possibly be a good sketch if shortened but I'm not sure that it's a sitcom.

"Men At Sea"
YES
"Mr Friend" - love it! Original idea with some excellent gags.

"Mr Ego"
MAYBE
Very funny but doesn't go anywhere. Disappointing end too.

"Nobody & His Cat"
NO
Didn't feel much happened and not many good laughs, sorry.

"Not Book Smart"
NO
Two Pints type comedy doesn't work for me I'm afraid. Sorry.

"Old Boy Band"
NO
Overly long scenes with no action, just some guys having banter.

"On Message"
MAYBE
Liked concept, script was ok but could have packed more in.

"Red Or Dead"
NO
Really slow to get going, nothing happens, not particularly funny. Sorry.

"Shhuuush!"
MAYBE
Started well but lost its way. Good characters, love the title.

"Since You've Been Gone
NO
Really just one long setup scene with chat only, little action.

"Smooth Criminals"
NO
More a sketch than a sitcom and, sorry, I didn't find it to be very funny.

"Socks - Pub"
YESAmbitious in terms of staging but very funny with some excllent gags.

"The Great Escape"
MAYBE
Fun sketch, well written but didn't feel that it was a sitcom. I also felt it needed a stronger finish.

"The Magic Man"
NO
A few nice gags but lots of dialogue and not enough action.

"The Social Committee"
NO
Sorry but I struggled to read this to the end, crude without the justification of accompanying laughs.

"The Hole"
NO
The characters weren't very interesting and the dialogue didn't engage me.

"Ticking Over"
YES
Some cracking gags and dialogue here. Could have done with more jeopardy perhaps?

"Turbulence"
NO
Some good jokes but not enough to save it from its slightly flat characters.

"Urban Bohemia"
NO
I didn't really like the characters and I struggled to engage with the plot.

(Sorry to break the flow of the voting, but thought you'd like to see this).

At last it's here, the video of the Sitcom Trials So You Think You Write Funny final from the Edinburgh Fringe, highlights thereof. Enjoy.

Filmed by MB Productions, to the highest quality we've had yet, this is just a taste of the 5 sitcoms in the final on the night, with appearances from our MC Mark Dolan and the boss of the Gilded Balloon Karen Koren. As for whether there'll be a Sitcom Trials SYTYWF competition in 2014, stay tuned.

I have read all of the scripts and put a fairly short comment about all of them.
It is obviously just my personal taste so when I say I didn't find it funny it is just that. Just my opinion. I know that effort will have gone into them but I probably just prefer one type of script over another. So enough of all that, here goes.

Daisy Daisy I really only found the mum character funny and I would have preferred to have read more of her. No.

2 dimwits in a lift Unsure if it would be able to carry on as a sitcom after they were out of the lift. But a lot of good lines in this one. Yes.

2-1Thought this was okay. Quite promising. Maybe.

Arthouse Liked the characters and setup of this.Quite good. Yes.

Backstage- Gun Didn't really find it funny No.

Baxter The characters seemed sleazy enough for this sort of show but I didn't think it was funny. No.

Being Social Thought this showed promise. Maybe.

Below the line. Didn't think it was funny. No.

Bookmobile Thought it was quite funny and a promising setup. Yes.

Buck Knightly-Reluctant Superhero Thought this was quite funny. Yes.

Caravan Didn't think it was funny No.

Cassie Felt as if I was reading a 'Miranda' script. No.

Chode Didn't think it was funny. No.

Cult of Stan. Didn't really get into this or think it was funny. No.

Demeddlers Didn't think it was funny. No.

Donnie Thought this was funny in parts and was quite promising. Maybe.

Flick of the wrist There were some funny moments in here. Maybe.

Hench Didn't find it funny. No.

HMS Bagworth. Didn't think it was funny. No.

Honest Thought it showed promise. Started well but seemed to fall away. Maybe.

Kate and Mika Thought this was okay but seemed more like a short sketch than something to keep a sitcom going. Maybe.

Les Happy Didn't find it funny. No.

Me Myself and I Certain parts were funnier than others. Would probably have preferred less of the future guys in it. Maybe.

Men at sea. The story didn't really interest me but there were some good lines in it. Maybe.

Mr. Ego Didn't find it funny. No.

Nobody and his cat Didn't find it funny. No.

Not book smart Didn't find it funny. No.

Old Boy Band. The Office meets Fawlty Towers. Maybe not but just the fact that this is my entry. Yes.

On Message. Didn't find it funny. No.

Red or Dead. Didn't find it funny. No.

Shhuuush! Liked this. Funny script. Maybe some characters too over the top like the assistant. Yes.

Since you've been gone Didn't find it funny. No.

Smooth criminals. Didn't really get into this or find it funny. No.

Socks- sock pub Thought this was quite good and there were a lot of good lines in it. Yes.

The Great Escape. Liked the idea of this. Quite different in betting on the guys appearance. Could see it more being a good sketch. Maybe.

The magic man. Didn't find it funny. No.

The Social Committee Thought this showed some good potential. Maybe.

The Hole Didn't find it funny. No.

Ticking Over. The story didn't seem to go anywhere and I didn't find it funny. No.

Turbulence Didn't find it funny. No.

Urban Bohemia Didn't find it funny. No.

Hi All, I ran out of time to enter, and apologies that I've also run out of time to review any more, but I have tried to give a little extra constructive feedback on those I have read. Best wishes

2-to-1 - MAYBE - I love that it starts with Ben "smoking and eating cheese", I love the Mexican Porn being on the TV, But, I didn't see what the cliffhanger moment was, and I didn't understand what had allowed them to steal the Greek's customers. It was funny though, my fav line was "Oh ... oh maravilloso!"

Arthouse - YES - Laugh out loud all through, with a fantastic first page that establishes distinct, original characters and the setting all in just a few lines. Loved the electrified barriers and the escalation to "quick he's on fire". Packed full of big laughs, my favourite line was "Customers are reminded to keep their eyes closed to avoid illegal after-hours enjoyment of the art." Great cliffhanger, and clever resolution, loved it.

Being Social - YES - Nicely funny start establishing where they are. Liked the # jokes. Two petty points; I didn't understand what the Mr T reference "I pity the fool" was in relation to, and I thought the stage direction of Margaret taking the valium instead of a sweet would have been better explained in dialogue only [as the audience won't see something that tiny] but all funny stuff and Colin is excellent.

Bookmobile - YES - Great characters (favourites Ken and Sharon), some lovely lines, and an engaging well-paced story. I did feel there were a few places where an extra gag might have been nice, but the characters and story more than compensated and overall this was consistently funny.

Hench - YES - I thought this was great. Really funny and original dialogue. I have two tiny minor criticisms, I thought the "My Thai" bit was a little weak and jarred with the cleverer stuff around it, and I (personally) hated the name of the supervillain (I wanted him to be called something more villain-y like Professor Bastard or Dr Murderous ...or something much funnier than those examples). But that's just me nit-picking, I thought this was brilliant.

Honest - YES - I liked this, it was well-written, though the dialogue was a little dense in places. It was sweetly funny and it reminded me of Lead Balloon BUT I don't think it's laugh out loud enough for a stage performance.

Nobody & His Cat - NO - The story didn't really appear until page 7 and it disappeared again fairly swiftly after. I wish I could be more positive but honestly, all I see is people talking about fish-finger sandwiches and insulting each other in ways where only they know the full joke, it's like overhearing a conversation rather than a story. Liked the Reboot line though.

On Message - YES - This did make me laugh, especially the Nightmare on Sesame Street stuff. I thought the characters were clear and distinct. That said, I didn't particularly like or associate with any of their qualities, meaning I didn't care about them as people so long-term I wouldn't care if I skipped an episode. That aside this was funny. I liked the Freddie Kruger stuff and the linger, kiss cheek miss stuff. Great stuff.

Red or Dead - YES - As usual the dialogue is wonderful and the odd characters are engaging and original, but I really wanted to be told whether it was reality or not at the end (...and I'm still wondering about that moon from Enter Twineman last year!) I don't like an open ending it makes me- ...Yes, see how you like it.

Turbulence - NO - There is literally no good way to use "Is the baby dead?" as a cliffhanger. Ever. A couple of funny lines here and there, but quite dated. Carry On films were wonderful in their day, but their day was 40 years ago. Female characters need to be more nuanced than simply "sexy", likewise gay characters need to be more than just "camp". I liked Guy's sarcasm about controlling the weather, that was a good line, do more of that.

I hope that I have been fair and honest and not at all mean. I tried to reserve YES for the very best and some NOs and MAYBEs were pretty close. Also, I know what it's like to get a NO.

"2 Dimwits in a Lift"
I liked some of the jokes. If you had a show about a corporate and this was the B or C story then it could be great. During an episode, you could cut back to see what's happening in the lift - Bon Jovi, Crumble, etc. But sorry I'm saying NO.

"2-to-1"
I really like the setting of the Bookies (and good title). The relationship between the characters is good and just the fact that 'regulars' are walking by gives us the sense of the despair that you need for the funnies to come naturally. Intrigued at where it would go next and a good ending but because some jokes missed and some seemed forced. I'm saying MAYBE.

"Arthouse"
A great idea, really well written. I think the characters are distinct and the situations seem real even though crazy things are happening. Maybe too many characters to keep track of but there's a lot to like - Bob Sharp, the rude announcer, Sonia in the boots, etc. Reminded me of the IT Crowd and I found it easy to read. YES.

"Backstage - Gun"
The opening is great; good pace and funny. I did lose my way in the middle and also the character names 'Penny' and 'Sheldon' were a bit off-putting. If I'm being harsh the joke that Sheldon was faking being shot went on a bit for me. But well written and would work very well on stage so YES.

"Baxter"
OK, this is mine - a bit rough and rushed as I found out late about this competition, but a character I've had for a while.
It is an exaggerated version of Kyle of course but there should be some vulnerability and insecurity there. I'm tempted to put 'maybe' for irony but of course this is a YES.

"Being Social"
Liked the characters and some really good dialogue. It does seem a bit drawn out at times but there was a story there which had a satisfying ending. As an introduction to the world and characters I thought it was good. MAYBE.

"Below the Line"
Nice! The characters are really clear, I like the little bits of direction, and the jokes are mostly good (a couple missed maybe). Not a lot more to say -an easy read and good stuff. YES.

"Bookmobile"
I liked the characters a lot and the story went along well. It was very warm and safe but there's nothing wrong with that. I actually hoped that Penny was going to introduce Wayne to books and change his life. Just shows you ... I got involved. YES.

"Buck Knightly - Reluctant Superhero"
I liked this. I appreciate the setup at the shopping centre may be needed, but it slowed the pace for me. When the TV studio came along I was glad to get back to the story. A good ending and good characters. I am so close to 'yes' but going to say MAYBE.

"Cassie - Friends Like These"
I really liked the way Cassie jumps in to the scenes. A great device - listening in to the other characters so that the plot moves on and she can react. I thought all of the dialogue was sharp and liked the simple stage directions. It's no gag-fest but feels real and the 'com' comes from the 'sit'. Right up my street. YES.

"CHODE Charity"
A nice couple of little jokes and Tony made me chuckle. But I had trouble getting into it. Other people will like I'm sure but for me, sorry, a NO.

"Cult of Stan"
Bad start with 'hovered' instead of hoovered, particularly as the jokes is 'Stan' (autocorrect I guess?). This didn't stop me enjoying the snappy and genuinely funny dialogue though. I did just keep thinking 'this is a brilliant sketch' (seriously it is and you must send it to a sketch show!) and I'm not sure how you could fill episodes. Also, because the duck is hard to do I'm saying MAYBE.

"Daisy Daisy"
This was strange. I kept thinking I didn't like it then I laughed, then I thought it was annoying, then I thought 'great joke!'. The Marmite on the list for me; I think it will get yes and no votes and I so I say MAYBE (to Marmite!).

"Demeddlers"
Some very good writing! If I'm harsh I would say it was a little slow to get going, because I desperately wanted to see how the time travel was handled. I really liked all of it but I'm not saying yes because it is so ambitious and should be a TV pilot. So the very reason I like it is why I am saying MAYBE (what a weasel!).

"Donnie Episode 1 - The Appraisal"
Some good interactions and dialogue. Although I enjoyed the jokes, I couldn't get a handle on the characters. Sorry, a NO.

"Eden Meadows"("Caravan script")
I think there's a lot of ideas here and it is smart stuff. But it needed better pace and less dialogue. Seemed like a first draft that needs sharpening up. Sorry, NO.

"Flick Of The Wrist"
Yeah, liked it. The chickens were all a setup for a cock joke but nevertheless it was well executed and the characters all worked well off each other. I did think it was bit difficult to follow at times when using 'Carter' instead of 'Patrick' and part two was a little long. So, almost a yes but I'll give it a MAYBE.

"Hench"
It's a great idea and the start was excellent. It's very well written and the layout is very good. I lost a little interest with the football match. The start was believable and I love the idea of the character working for the evil dictator but when the situations were still true to life. When the match kicked off it went a little silly. Don't get me wrong - quality writing. MAYBE.

"HMS Bagworth"
Didn't do a lot for me but I did think the writing was well done and the dialogue very good. Don't know what the problem was - I just didn't get into the story, sorry. But as it's skilfully done I'll say MAYBE.

"Honest"
I was loving the dry Max character at the start but then he turned out to be quite nice. A very good opening and some really good dialogue but I kind of forgot about Clive being ill. There's a better, longer TV version of this I'm guessing. MAYBE.

"Kate and Mika"
Nothing really wrong but I didn't get into it really. Others may enjoy it, for me it's NO.

"Les Happy"
Great title! It's actually good and seems true and is fun to read. I think it could really do with another couple of characters. A good setup for a series though. MAYBE.

"Me, Myself & I"
A very good sketch really. It could develop into something really good with the addition of some dramatic irony (sorry!). I'd read a longer version where things don't all happen at once. I think this might be liked by others but for me it's a NO.

"Men At Sea"
Good ideas and good dialogue. It seemed like a radio script and would work very well as such, I think. But not for this so NO.

"Mr Ego"
This is quite good. I was hoping it would move on from tennis to the workplace - I had Renham in my head. But you couldn't do this justice on stage, as scripted, so I have to say NO.

"Nobody & His Cat"
Good rounded characters and some good jokes but I got lost in a lot of dialogue. Maybe needs tightening up and could be good but I'm sorry to say, NO.

"Not Book Smart - The Date"
Nice characters (well not all nice!) but not my cup o' tea. I think better formatting could also help the reader. Sorry, NO.

"Old Boy Band"
A good idea, the characters seemed real and I think it could be good if acted out. But too much dialogue and, for me, too long. NO.

"On Message"
A well written, well laid out script. I found the Freddy Kruger stuff a little laboured but overall a good story. MAYBE.

"Red Or Dead"
I liked the setup but think the balance between funny and plot is tricky and maybe not quite right. MAYBE.

"Shhuuush!"
Didn't quite ring true for me but I liked the characters (including the dog). Some bits missed but some were on the nose so MAYBE.

"Since You've Been Gone"
I really like the premise but thought it could have been done better than with phone calls. Well written though and I'd read a version where they are at the will reading, at the house, etc. But for this version, sorry NO.

"Smooth Criminals"
A little too much expositional dialogue at the start for me and characters a little off. Definitely on to something with the idea though and not far away but for now I'm saying NO.

"Socks - Pub"
Some pretty good dialogue here but I don't think it'll work for this competition. I would like to see it done by the S.F.S.P.T. though. For this, NO.

"The Great Escape"
Some nice lines during the betting game but just kept thinking 'ok what's the hook?'. In the end it was a really good sketch but there's a lot of potential with a couple of additional characters and a bigger plot. Clearly can write but, for me, it's not for this competition so NO.

"The Magic Man"
Good idea to have a rubbish magician protagonist but the characters weren't really distinct for me (and he turned out to be a good magician). I did like the publicity stunt twist. There were some spelling and grammar problems and at one point 'Majestic0' became 'Magnifico'. I know it's not my place to criticise this, but it does put you off your stride when reading. I think it needs tightening up somewhat. MAYBE.

"The Social Committee"
I like that you've gone all out nasty with the characters. But I couldn't really get into it the story. I'm sure others will like it though. Sorry, NO.

"The Hole"
I can see what was being tried and it was a fair attempt. I thought the story had been done before and kept thinking of 'Ideal'. The characters and dialogue fine, maybe need a better setting. NO.

"Ticking Over"
A good little story but maybe needs a little more flesh on the bones - everything happens too quickly. But all resolves OK. MAYBE.

"Turbulence"
Cut it down and there's a good sketch in there. The dialogue was unnatural at times but there are some good one-liners. It's not my kind of thing but others may really like it. NO.

"Urban Bohemia"
I thought it started well but I kind of lost my way. Not a lot for me to empathise, that may only be me. Just found it hard to read. Sorry, NO.

My Votes: Thought the standard was excellent. I've simply voted for the ones I thought were funniest. If I've given a 'No' it's simply because it wasn't my type of humour.

Daisy Daisy - Characters were well crafted. Not too keen on the jokes. No

2 Dimwits - Quite like the idea. Characters too similar. No.

2 to 1 - Like the situation. Potential. Maybe.

Arthouse - Nice idea. Yes.

Backstage - Liked the idea. Maybe

Baxter - Couldn't warm to the character. No

Being Social - Plot was a bit vague. No.

Below the line - Potential. Maybe

Buck Knightly - Didn't quite believe the idea.

Caravan - Speeches a bit long but it made me laugh. Yes.

Cassie - Put off by the speech at the beginning. Warmed to it though. Maybe.

Chode - Didn't find the characters likable. No.

Cult of Stan - Nice idea. Yes.

Demeddlers - Not too sure about the plot. No.

Donnie - Unlikable main character (which is probably the point) Didn't find him funny. No.

Flick of the Wrist - Didn't really interest me. No.

Hench - Liked the idea. Maybe

HMS Bagworth - Liked the situation. Maybe

Honest - Didn't find the situation interesting enough. No.

Kate & Mike - Not my sense of humour. No

Les Happy - Quite liked it well written. Maybe

Me Myself & I - Liked the idea maybe.

Men at Sea - This is mine. Yes.

Mr Ego - Original situation. Didn't like the character. No

Nobody and His Cat - Not my sense of humour.No

Not Book Smart - Couldn't warm to the characters.No

Old Boy Band - Felt the situation had been done before. No

On Message - Nice set up. Maybe.

Red or Dead - Not my sense of hunour. No

Shuush - Didn't like the characters. No.

Since You've Been Gone - Nice set up. Maybe.

Smooth Criminal - Not my sense of humour. No.

The Great Escape - Not my sense of humour. No.

The Magic Man - Nice idea but didn't find the characters funny enough. No

The Hole - Reminded me too much of ideal. No.

Ticking Over - My favourite. Well written with a lovely gentle humour. Yes

Turbualnce - Not my style of humour. No.