Bath Night

Woman typing replies on a computer

SCREEN
So how old is she?

WOMAN
She's five

SCREEN
And you say it's her bath night?

WOMAN
Yes

SCREEN
Have you got a web cam you could use?

WOMAN
Yes

SCREEN
Can I watch you bathe her?

WOMAN
She might get frightened

SCREEN
She won't know she's being watched will she?

WOMAN
I'm not sure; I'd feel weird doing it

SCREEN
Ok I'll slow it down just get back to me when she's bathed and perhaps I can watch you drying her and then combing her hair on the webcam would that be ok?

WOMAN
Yes I'd feel better about that.

SCREEN
Ok we'll do that

WOMAN
I'm sorry about the fuss, it's just that I've never done anything like this before and I'm very nervous for me and for her.

SCREEN
Relax, I've done this loads of times

WOMAN
I must say up until I saw your website I had no idea there was such a thing as on line dog grooming!

Wow - I got really uncomfortable reading that - so well pulled off.

Thank you but I doubt saying Well pulled off is a good idea.

You had me!

oo er

Nicely done Teddy, didn't see that coming at all.

You mislead very cleverly, but it still makes for an uncomfortable sketch.

I agree with Tursiops. I think you can still go down the grooming route without it being quite as uncomfortable. It's a nice little twist but I think the first part is dark enough that a lot of people wouldn't give you long enough to hear it.

I think it has to be creepy to work to be honest, the nastiness of it hides the punch and that' the name of the game.
That said my last sketch was slated over the fictitious ACME Cartoon companies fluctuating sales policies toward the Road Runner, so I need to find balance and thanks for the feedback folks.

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ October 7 2013, 5:19 PM BST

I think it has to be creepy to work

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I think you're right.
Probably a bit rich for all but the most dark of shows ( Frankie Boyle would have done it).
Can't help thinking, on the day, you might want to cut to a visual of the woman grooming the dog rather than spelling it out...

Lazzard I'll give you one thing, you really know your lay outs and that was spot on.

Yes I agree toned down a little it would make a good sketch, and easy to film, and yes a revealing shot of the dog at the end would be perfect.

Quote: Carlos Manwelly @ October 7 2013, 5:35 PM BST

Yes I agree toned down a little it would make a good sketch,

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Not sure how you could tone it down, it's all alluded to rather than anything really graphic, it either works or it doesn't...I say it doesn't as I saw the end a mile off, and for the fact that it's too 'real' and has no character to give it the funny, and that's putting aside any reservations about the actual subject matter.

I say bring the magician back Teddy

Ok

Quote: Shandonbelle @ October 8 2013, 6:59 PM BST

Not sure how you could tone it down, it's all alluded to rather than anything really graphic, it either works or it doesn't...I say it doesn't as I saw the end a mile off, and for the fact that it's too 'real' and has no character to give it the funny, and that's putting aside any reservations about the actual subject matter.

I say bring the magician back Teddy

View original

With a bit of imagination and creativity anything is possible, toning it down would be easy, first make it shorter, set the scene with the both of them talking on a webcam to give the character aspect from the start, different shots of each one of them chatting away change a few of the words, and then reveal it with a really cute looking dog, so people say Ahh instead of Ughh.

I got to be honest I did not see it coming, and I was cringing as I was reading it, not knowing what was going to happen.