Few one lines I'm playing with...

Hey all, hope you are keeping well.

Currently putting together my first ever 10 min stand up routineg (mostly observational stuff,with a bit of topical thrown in as well)

As I love one liner comedians, I wanted to write a few and pepper my 10 minutes with a one liner here and there to squeeze a few laughs/groans!

I would like some feedback on how the wording, and/or set up of the following could be improved, and just some feedback on their quality. Should I bin one or two - thanks guys:

1. My wife hit me with a cordless drill last week, Bosch!

2. I wanted to surprise my nan for her 80th birthday, I popped over with a KFC Family Feast but she kicked the bucket.

3. Bumped into an old friend on the tube last week and he farted on my leg. Well that was a blast from the past.

4. Should we be getting involved with President Assad's bombs - chemical weapons are Syrias business!

5. I'm quite handy around the house, last night I unblocked the food disposal in under 30 seconds. Piece of cake.

6. Messing up your brothers toy cars when he has aspergers syndrome is out of order.

Number 1 is good. For me, the others are either a little too convoluted to work, or decent, but well-trodden paths (Syria's/serious, for example).

Thanks for the honesty gappy, I agree - the first one is the only one that would make me chuckle if I heard it as it's nice and unexpected.

I suppose a good rule of thumb is - if it doesn't make me laugh, why tell it!

Quote: Daniel Turner @ October 7 2013, 11:46 AM BST

Hey all, hope you are keeping well.

Currently putting together my first ever 10 min stand up routineg (mostly observational stuff,with a bit of topical thrown in as well)

As I love one liner comedians, I wanted to write a few and pepper my 10 minutes with a one liner here and there to squeeze a few laughs/groans!

I would like some feedback on how the wording, and/or set up of the following could be improved, and just some feedback on their quality. Should I bin one or two - thanks guys:

1. My wife hit me with a cordless drill last week, Bosch!

My wife hit me with a cordless drill
Bosch!
No it was a Black and Decker
What ever colour it was you shouldn't hit her!

2. I wanted to surprise my nan for her 80th birthday, I popped over with a KFC Family Feast but she kicked the bucket.

Why's Gazza banned from KFC?
He's likely to kick the bucket

3. Bumped into an old friend on the tube last week and he farted on my leg. Well that was a blast from the past.

Did you hear about the suicide bombers school reunion?
It was a blast from the past.

4. Should we be getting involved with President Assad's bombs - chemical weapons are Syrias business!

Syria's chemical weapons, are A sad state of affairs.

5. I'm quite handy around the house, last night I unblocked the food disposal in under 30 seconds. Piece of cake.

6. Messing up your brothers toy cars when he has aspergers syndrome is out of order.

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I reworded some of them, you want to avoid just finding a pun or word play. But work it into a sort of mini story so it takes the audience by surpise.

Thought the first one was excellent. I also like the idea of 5 & 6 but felt they didn't quite work. Not sure how to improve them though, not much good at one liners.

What about just saying 1,2,4,3,5.... Sorry that was out of order. ??

1, and number five with a pregnant pause before the punch.

Quote: Marc P @ October 7 2013, 3:31 PM BST

1, and number five with a pregnant pause before the punch.

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What Mark said.
Don't bother with Syria/serious, as said before it's well trodden. I know of two standuos who are using something similar.

Have you done any word reduction exercises? I used to write a joke, count the words and then reduce the word count by a third. It can be hard work but tends to make a big difference for one liners.

Also, very brave jumping in with a 10. I started on a 5 and even then spend weeks and weeks writing it.

I would love to write stand up, but I don't have the bottle to perform it.

And unfortunately there aren't that many brand new acts looking to have things written, either. You can still just write it for the fun and hide it in a secret drawer somewhere.

My secret draws already full of .....................

No offence to you Daniel but you've written 6 jokes which may, or may not, work in front of an audience (personally I have my own views on which will work and which need serious tweaking), now go away and write 94 more, then take those 100 jokes to gigs, try them out and whittle them down to the funniest 20 (about 3-5 minutes of material).

Then repeat this as many times as possible.

Quote: Mattytheswan @ October 7 2013, 3:24 PM BST

1,2,4,3,5.... Sorry that was out of order. ??

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Or, "BAGN...That's bang out of order!"

2 and 5 are usable. And Tony gives goood advice.

Always listen to Tony, for he is king of one liners.

Quote: Natalie Of Wicks @ October 7 2013, 3:44 PM BST

And unfortunately there aren't that many brand new acts looking to have things written, either. You can still just write it for the fun and hide it in a secret drawer somewhere.

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Or alternatively, post them on your blog.

Subtle that, wasn't it...?