British Comedy Guide

Uxbridge English Dictionary Page 7

Nunchuck

A northern person answering a female in the negative

Decorate: T'Pau's performance fee.

I've a whole page of them on my website that I add to from time to time. Apologies in advance if anyone else has thought of the same words.

Animator - former Eurythmics singer is thinking of going on the road again

Dismantle - speak badly of, and generally run down the ornamental facing around a fireplace

Candid - the mind's instinctive unconscious energies.......now available in a handy-sized tin!

Benefactor - TV talent show where the judges searched for vocalists who can emulate the American soul singer famous for 'Stand by Me'

Metaphor - bumped into someone who, one a scale of 1 to 10, wasn't very good looking

Justice - merely some frozen water

Intestate - munched on a sandwich during an exam

Flatulent - the set of rooms for living in that are part of a larger building that you let a friend use whilst you were away

Brandish - something you should try to have every morning in order to 'keep you regular'

Melancholy - a tiny sculpture of a sheepdog carved out of a large, sweet flavoured breakfast fruit

Infantile - one of many flat pieces of wood used as a floor covering in a child's nursery

Metronome - garden ornament that spends a lot of it's time and money on shopping for its appearance

Rebellion - a large animal of the cat family that could be king of the jungle if only it didn't insist on rejecting convention

Flagellation - the happiness and excitement I experience when seeing a piece of cloth attached to a pole as a patriotic emblem

Highlights - just another name for lampposts

Carbuncle - what we call my mum's brother due to his obsession with the Atkins diet

Bantered - forbid people from passing solids into your toilet

Culottes - spend a lot of your life patiently standing in line

Extraditions - maypole dancing, bear baiting, cock fighting, that sort of stuff

Plaintiff - a rather boring argument between two lovers

Decorator - punch a normally skilful public speaker in the face after they go on for a bit too long and start to annoy you

Chagrin - you 'pulled' someone at a nightclub and were on a promise, but when they saw your face under the streetlights they scarpered

Brunette - another name for a tea strainer, particularly popular up North

Solitude - how the Jewish man at my table in the restaurant last night ate his food

Chastise - what Camilla calls Prince Charles secret stash of novelty neckwear

Forensic - the vomit of a person from another country

Vagrant - an excitable but absent-minded, not at all clear verbal outburst

Seersucker - Bye, loser!

Incandescent - modern twist on the age old practice of going over a waterfall in a barrel

Fertile - flooring material from the middle ages that never really caught on

Potent - what a red Teletubby sleeps in outdoors

Milkshake - Arab chief who made his fortune out of cows rather than oil

Fervent - an ermine lined heating duct

Continue - the nasty side of a person of northern origin

Meander - lazy form of 'My wife & I'

Transcribe - gentleman writer who likes dressing up as a lady

Barbecue - line of people waiting to have their hair cut

Alcove - someone who's said to be 'a very splendid fellow indeed' when drunk

Probiotic - In favour of the six million dollar man

Frankincense - the permanent state of mind of The late Mike Reid's EastEnders character

Sycophancy - term applied to women who take a shine to, write to and sometimes marry mass murderers etc.

Inarticulate - Someone who drives a lorry for a living

Legislate - Heather Mills worst nightmare when ordering a new prosthetic limb from a firm that guaranteed next day delivery

Mutiny - a can of Australian cat food

Improper - in folklore, a person employed to lasso mischievous small creatures possessing magical powers

Carnation - what we've become despite people banging on about environmental footprints and global warming etc.

Dogmatic - a twitch brought on by stating your opinion forcefully or arrogantly

Incumbent - money earned is dodgy

Radical - A tiny radish

Vibrant - a tirade of vitriol directed specifically towards a percussion instrument in the mallet sub-family

Frequent - the mad/irritating person who has been pissing you off all evening just left the building

Adventure - Yuletide calendar featuring 25 tiny images of former Ultravox front man and LiveAid good egg Midge

Pungent - A posh comedian who uses words to exploit double meanings. Tim Vine for instance

Focussed - When someone says something particularly nasty about an enemy of theirs

Oblige - the Irish branch of Mary J's family

Rucksack - a bag that's always looking for a fight

Medic - slang for one's penis

Harbinger - a coastal dweller who drinks to excess whenever there is a sea mist coming in off the North Sea

Callousness - particularly cruel monster that lives in a Scottish lake, allegedly

Crackdown - the hair found between your butt cheeks

Coypu - a rather shy turd

Acupuncture - someone who randomly hits people whilst they are patiently waiting in an orderly line

Culmination - what some seals call Canada

Pending - the sound an instrument for writing with ink makes when you tap it against a glass

Penitent - where 1p coins sleep when they go on a camping holiday

Midriff - halfway through a short repeated rock melody

Protuberant - in favour of the nutters that I always sit next to by mistake being able to shout inanely on underground trains

Bukkake - deride and shout disapproval at a hard wearing dull yellowish brown fabric generally used to make military uniforms

Diabetes - pass away having spent a lifetime making fun of/annoying the insects that make wax and honey

Oxymoron - a rather dim person who looks like a bull

Manifest - musical extravaganza to celebrate the work of Primal Scream's bass player

Alter ego - a particularly big headed man of the cloth

Rind - word meaning circle shaped or spherical in Northern Ireland

Medallion - this large animal of the cat family is very good at what it does and wears a disc shaped metallic ornament on a chain around its neck to prove it

Informant - a small insect that lives in highly organised colonies and is currently at the top of its game

Porcupine - a vegetarian who fondly remembers all the chops and sausages they used to enjoy and suddenly develops a great yearning for them

Indices - where you'll find a lot of Caribbean holidaymakers frolicking

Mullet - what some people do with wine, particularly at Christmas

Excited - former partner is summoned to appear in a court of law

Vaseline - the ring like mark an ornamental jar full of flowers can sometimes make on wood if you don't put it on a coaster

Lassitude - what the canine star of the big screen did before her teeth fell out

Halloween - how a Scottish person might greet a small child

Rapidity - an extremely fast poem or song

Kindred - a very pleasant, easy going Communist

Feculent - person of Irish origin who borrowed a tenner off you and as never seen again

Artefacts - interesting info about the art world e.g. Picasso was born in Malaga, The Mona Lisa's in The Louvre, Tracey Emins is rubbish

Machinations - identical twins from the Far East

Bouffant - shout disapproval and make booing noises when you see a horrible typeface

Consolidate - prisoner who finished his hunger strike

Cellulite - what electricity companies pretty much do

Unicorn - bad, cheesy jokes delivered by a castrated man

Abattoir - that time in France when only Benny, Bjorn and Agnetha turned up for the gig

Furious - before paper became popular, signed documents (IOUs) acknowledging debt were often made of the soft hair of mammals

Hirsute - ladies outfit, worn mostly for business purposes

Hermits - a lovely pair of ladies gloves

Dandelion - large animal of the cat family that is overly concerned to the point of obsession about its appearance

Obesity - large town where only recipients of the Order of the British Empire are allowed to live

Electrical - what you get at the polling station when the turn out is quite low

co-habit - applies to someone who is addicted to starting up new business i.e. 'he's got a bad co-habit'

Bigamist - heavy Italian fog

Effluent - Someone who uses the F word a lot in everyday conversation

Feckless - An Irish person without a sexual partner

Confound - Escaped prisoner recaptured

Condense - Fool a thick person

Evacuee - someone who signed up for several social networks before deciding to give the digital world a miss

Judgmental - term of derision used for court official when sentence is grossly unfair i.e. hit & run driver given 6 months, suspended

Converse - An old lag trying to get in touch with the feminine/creative side whilst banged up in chokey by writing poetry

Module - Christmas celebration, particularly popular in the 1960s with a youth subculture that originated in London and spawned The Who.

Embalm - Lip Salve said to be favoured by The head of MI6 and Bond's superior in Ian Fleming's James Bond series

Feckless - what Irish couples do when they get married and kids come along

Disestablishment - Declare rather loudly 'this place is a bit of a shithole' whilst in a restaurant or bar

Fundamental - Give money/arms to an insane despot

Foccacia - what Bob Geldof might say if asked to give money to Asia whilst he's reading out a phone number for LiveAid

Troglodyte - Member of the 60s pop rock combo who was vehemently opposed to changes in industrial methods

Innate - had a pub lunch

Hammock - to make fun of a pig

Aromatic - a self-loading bow

Rummage - time of life when senility can start to set in.

Palmistry - an enigmatic friend who you never quite know enough about

Aerobic - a chocolate biro

Dialysis - to call a female sibling using an old fashioned telephone

Aggrandize - the sad moment your mum or dad's mum passes away

Jojoba - what Santa might say if he was a sheep

Polyunsaturated - a parrot that manages to remain dry throughout the rainy season

Bandicoot - small black water bird that walks like John Wayne

Detergent

Rape alarm

Control - A fake demon.

Inhabit

A fully dressed nun

Quote: lofthouse @ September 30 2013, 8:26 PM BST

Inhabit

A fully dressed nun

:D

Diabolical: having poor testicles.

Intervenes - Where doctor's stick needles

Quote: Nil Putters @ October 2 2013, 11:36 PM BST

Intervenes - Where doctor's stick needles

Laughing out loud (where Scottish doctors stick needles would top it off)

Needless: many needles

Bountiful : Eaten too many coconut chocolate bars.

Persevere : The location of Percy.

rebuff

concerning a good body

Concern: pretend to have found the Higgs bosun ages ago

Pretending: closure of posh sandwich shop

Priceless:
Possible title of Alex Reid's Autobiography

Worthless:
Probable value of Alex Reid's Autobiography.

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