JUSTIN:
TV detector vans are like daleks; in that they're intimidating, mobile and yet ultimately fictitious.
Or at least that was the impression conveyed by a recently leaked BBC memo.
So, does this mean we can all relax and 'forget' to pay up? Or are we witnessing a rather sinister mind game?
GRAMS: MENACING ADVERT MUSIC
GREG:
Hi, I'm Greg and I'm not an actor. Now, in the old days, I used to assume that TV detector vans were a myth... much like AIDS or Bigfoot.
But then one day I changed my tune. Why? Because I was run over and left for dead... by a TV detector van!
Boy; did I have egg on my face!
SUE:
Hi, I'm Sue and that's not a pseudonym. I used to think that TV detector vans were a work of fiction... mainly on the grounds of common sense.
But that was before I began being stalked... by a TV detector van!
It sat outside my home for over two years, and only left once I threw my telly out of a first floor window!
DAN:
Hi, I'm Dan and I drive a TV detector van.
My hobbies include eye gouging and disembowelling, and I'm quite prepared to practice them on you.
But what if you're a spoilsport; and you wanna deprive me of such blissful pleasures?
Well then, all you have to do is pick up the phone and stop being a scrounging little bastard.
Oh, and don't forget... you can now pay by direct debit!
END