HI. Please be so kind as to give me feedback on this sketch.
Kind.
YOGA OVER THE PHONE
TIME, A YOGA INSTRUCTOR, PICKS UP THE PHONE. HE HAD BEEN READING ‘ADRIAN MOLE’ WITH HIS HAND DOWN HIS TROUSERS.
TIME:
Hello, Telekarma? My names’ Tiiiime.
MAN:
Oh, Hi, I’m calling for my teleyoga experience
TIME:
Yes, I was just meditating then.
MAN:
Oh good, I’ve got me mat. Shall I lie down – I’m on speakerphone?..
TIME:
YES. OKAAAAAAAAY Go into the Katanga position = you remember from last week.
MAN LIFTS UP BOTH THUMBS.
MAN:
Ok. Thumbs aloft.
TIME:
GOOOOOD. Now, ease into the pigeon.
MAN:
I’m flapping my wings like last time.
TIME (IN THE VOICE OF A PIGEON):
Excellent. Now, pace around and assume the half Shakira, the route to hip truth.
Man:
Should I roll both hips?
Time:
Just the one, then bend into the Maccabi Haifa
Man:
Isn’t that a football team?
Time:
I mean the muladhara – the red root at the foot of the spine.
Man:
Ohh, I’ve.. I’ve put me back out.
Time:
Then go into the full mong and focus on the light.
Man:
That’s better
Time:
And look for your Japanese eye. When you see it that will conclude our session.
Man:
No, I can’t see anything, me eyes are shut.
Time:
OK, time’s up. That’ll be £10 please.
Man:
Bloody hell, that was quick.
Time:
Time waits for noone. Namaste.
Man:
But I still can’t see me Japanese eye.
Time:
Then try the full Shakira and get lobon. Bye.