Gags for my final Peterborough FM radio show...

...for now.

The Pleasuredome Pick'n'Mix is a two hour radio show on www.peterborough.fm. As I've decided to take a break for a while I thought we'd have one last BCG Jokefest before I go off air. This broadcast will take place between 8:00pm and 10:00pm on Saturday the 12th October.

Over the last few months we've done jokefests on Travel, Time, School/Education, Moving House and Animals. This time I'm after material based on the subject of...

FOOD & DRINK / PARTIES

I'm looking only for emailed gags and one-liners (no recordings) simply because it makes it easier to edit. The deadline for submissions is by 10.00pm next Wednesday (9th) and should be sent to pleasuredome-pfm@hotmail.co.uk or PMd to me here on BCG.

I'm afraid I can't offer payment but it is at least a chance to have your material read out on air - you will of course be name checked in the show itself. Please tell me if you want to be credited with your actual or forum name.

I want to give everyone a chance so my aim is to include at least one joke per BCGer. I can't promise to include everyone but I shall do my best. I occasionally take a liberty or two with material with minor rewrites but I'd rather get agreement between me and the writer before doing that. For that reason the sooner you can get your entries in the better.

If you have any questions then just ask away...

I went to David Bowies birthday party, but it was a God awful small affair.

Quote: sootyj @ October 2 2013, 9:56 AM BST

I went to David Bowies birthday party, but it was a God awful small affair.

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badum tisssh!

Asda have been reprimanded for selling a fake meat cleaver. Ideal for cutting through their fake meat lasagnes.

What's the best cheese to use to entice a bear out of his cave? Camembert.

I went to the launch party for the new Alton Towers rollercoaster. It had its highs and lows.

The last party I went to, I had to leave my car keys in a bowl when I went in. Try explaining that to the police and your insurance company.

My Polish girlfriend likes to buy Italian bread. Focaccia? Yes, but she usually shares it with me.

Last time she went to the shops, she got the wrong type of bread. Ciabatta? No, but I will if she does it again.

12th October Shurely

How do you raise the bid when playing 80s synth pop poker with a yokel?
Erasure

I went to one of Hester Blumenthal's party's once.He is so weird with food - all he gave us to eat were hard boiled eggs. I was going to leave but then I remembered the tube of superglue I had in my jacket pocket and decided to stay. I thought 'Well,if you can't beat them...'

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ October 2 2013, 1:45 PM BST

12th October Shurely

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Move along. Nothing to see here...(because I've corrected it!)

Can you PM the gags to me please rather than post in the thread - gotta keep an element of surprise.

Quote: Neillg @ October 2 2013, 2:21 PM BST

I went to one of Hester Blumenthal's party's once.He is so weird with food - all he gave us to eat were hard boiled eggs. I was going to leave but then I remembered the tube of superglue I had in my jacket pocket and decided to stay. I thought 'Well,if you can't beat them...'

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Nice could have a little less exposition

Sad you're going off air for a bit. Gordon Ramsay has a new kitchen-based gameshow, 'If you can't stand the heat, f**k off'. I'm looking forward to another Jokefest.

Hey hope you're back on air soon Tuumble - meantime I'll rack the brain cell for a gag or two and send on the results..

Apparently Heston's managed to grow an Indian curry plant

It's Heston's Blooming Thal

Thanks for all your responses everyone. I've not had chance to reply to everyone yet but I will in the next day or so - some great stuff so far.

Ah the deadlines looming
I must send you some tomorrow

A total of 127 gags in my in box! I need to cull by a factor of six at least but I'll get you all in somehow.

I always put one in too so I'll have to get my thinking cap on...