A little honest feedback would be appreciated regarding the below.
SCENE FROM A PARK - A GAME OF SOCCER IS BEING PLAYED. SOME OF THE SPECTATORS ARE WONDERING HOW THEIR NEW GOALKEEPER WILL FARE.
MURPH: 'Pat in goal looks like a fine big fella Gav, ey?'
GAV: 'Yeah, he does but he seems a little nervous'.
A CROSS COMES IN FROM THE WING AND PAT GOES OUT TO CATCH THE BALL BUT GRABS AT THIN AIR.
MURPH: 'He was suspect there. He didn't get near that one. I think he has nerves alright mate'.
GAV: 'I honestly don't think he could catch a few zzzzz's if he was hit over the head with a sledgehammer after overdosing on sleeping medication, Murph'!
MURPH CHUCKLES. ANOTHER CROSS COMES IN AND PAT TRIES TO PUNCH IT AWAY BUT CATCHES THE OPPOSITION'S STRIKER ON THE SIDE OF THE HEAD AND GIVES AWAY A PENALTY. THE TWO LADS ARE DISGUSTED.
MURPH (shouting): 'Hey Pat, ya bleedin' dope. You're playing a game of football not topping the bill in Las Vegas'!
A NUMBER OF THE LADS ON THE SIDELINE HEAR MURPH AND CRACK UP LAUGHING.
