British Comedy Guide

NJ: Sexting poetry

A little too dirty methinks...I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE NUMBERS! I CAN'T MAKE THEM GO AWAY!!

JUSTINIn an attempt to show he's down with the kids, Michael Gove has recommended that young people stop sexting and instead write love poetry: advice hundreds of thousands of teenagers have gleefully taken onboard.

WAYNE
Ever since I saw you in the Croydon branch of Greggs,

I've been thinking I would like to see what's inbetween your legs.
I thought your tits were gorgeous, and so did my mate Rick,

He said he'd already done you, yeah? But he's a massive prick.
So if you come to mine tonight at about nine or there around,
I'll make it all romantic and shit and then I'll take you up the brown.
I won't tell no-one, hand on heart, but I'd like to take some photos,

Just for me and Rick and that, but it's alright, I think he's a homo.

KAYLEIGHAw, Wayne! That's well nice.

WAYNEI drew a picture of my cock as well, look.

KAYLEIGHText it to me, yeah?

WAY too dirty for newsjack and I think homo can be seen as quite offensive and if the mate is gay why did he say he'd slept with the girl?

Quote: blahblah @ September 26 2013, 8:09 PM BST

WAY too dirty for newsjack and I think homo can be seen as quite offensive and if the mate is gay why did he say he'd slept with the girl?

Yeah thought so. The guy isn't gay, I was just mimicking the way yoof are meant to talk nowadays. Might just show how out of touch I am :D

Yes

Well I laughed, but only because I do not expect such filth to come from your mouth Sarah! I am impressed.

Quote: Jennie @ September 26 2013, 10:42 PM BST

Well I laughed, but only because I do not expect such filth to come from your mouth Sarah! I am impressed.

Haha! That's my lesson not to write at the last minute. This is a pretty good illustration of what I'm like on a Monday morning at the best of times:D

sglen is...

GRAMS: Horror film-style scream, maybe some chordal stabs...

a laydeee...!!! :O

faints back onto chaise, all Victorian like...

Quote: Fred C Dobbs @ September 26 2013, 10:49 PM BST

sglen is...

GRAMS: Horror film-style scream, maybe some chordal stabs...

a laydeee...!!! :O

faints back onto chaise, all Victorian like...

It's when people say that to me after knowing me face to face for a few weeks that it really hurts...;-)

What's this 'Newsjack'?

Quote: T.W. @ September 27 2013, 12:04 AM BST

What's this 'Newsjack'?

Link

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/28560/

I thought the premise and the opening two lines were great

As for the rest of it, if you usually think like that on a Monday morning you must have a pretty wild weekend :)

I thought it was very funny and daring. Shame they'd never run it.

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