Britain Used To Have Talent
Talent Show. Four judges. One Stage.
Simon Drowell
Oh, Misty. I don't know what to say. That wasn't good..... That was Amazing. It's four yes's from us. Congratulations and we'll see in the bootcamp.
Audience Cheers. Simon calls over a producer.
Simon Drowell
She's in my group ok? Yeah the bootcamp is at my house...
Presenter
There we have it. Misty goes through and we see her and her stripper pole in the next round. Up next is an Irish fellow who say's his talent is wit. We'll see how that plays next.
We see the presenter talking to someone quite tall, dressed well. The presenter pushes this man onto the stage. The audience claps but this dies out soon.
Amanda Colden
And what's your name?
Oscar
My name is Oscar Wilde. You may be familiar with some of my work?
Amanda Colden
I haven't the foggiest who you are. Do any of you?
The judges look blankly at each other.
SIMON DROWELL
Ok back to reality. Oscar, how old are you?
OSCAR
I am not young enough to know everything...
SIMON DROWELL
What?
Oscar
One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that would tell one anything.
SIMON DROWELL
Can you stop that? What is your talent.
OSCAR
That is my talent. Unless you want me to borrow someone elses?
SIMON DROWELL
So let me get this straight. You've come her to talk?
OSCAR
Not to talk sir but to dazzle.
SIMON DROWELL
I'm sorry this competition isnt for people who just talk. Do you have anything else?
Oscar goes offstage and two men dressed characters from Importance of being Earnest
ALGERNON
Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?
LANE
I didn't think it polite to listen, sir.
ALGERNON
I'm sorry for that.
SIMON DROWELL
Stop! Oscar come out here.
OSCAR
I know. The world is a stage and the play is badly cast..
SIMON DROWELL
No its not the cast! This is about your talent, not there's.
OSCAR
But I wrote this.
SIMON DROWELL
Oh Oscar, anyone can write something. Anyone with a pen and paper can write. Actually scratch that, anyone with fingers and a mobile phone can write these days.
OSCAR
Sorry, A mobile what?!
SIMON DROWELL
Stop living your life through these actors. Be yourself, everyone else is taken.
OSCAR
That's one of mine that is.
SIMON DROWELL
It's four no's. Get off.
Oscar leaves the stage.
PRESENTER
So will you learn from this experience?
OSCAR
Experience is simply the name we give to our mistakes.
Oscar leaves and we hear the audience clap again.
SIMON DROWELL
That was amazing. I never thought I'd hear the national anthem done so beautifully. You're through.
PRESENTER
And there goes little Johnny. His farting rendition of the national anthem has proved to be a big hit. If you want to download his rendition simply go to our website.
Loved it!, very clever , just wonder if general public can appreciate the depth of wit that Oscar Wilde employs?.... do keep submitting---and very good luck.
