Chip has to do his emergency first aid training today. Part of which involves talking to an armless and legless dummy and asking if she's alright. He doesn't mind talking to dummies, just not in front of an assessor.
Quote: Marc P @ September 18 2013, 8:44 AM BSTWell it won't let me change my avatar pic for some reason... I blame Chip!
Leave it up!
Quote: Will Cam @ September 17 2013, 11:26 PM BSTWill Cam was moved sideways at work about 7 months ago in to a very dry role that he had never been involved in before and had been organisationally neglected. It has taken him that long to get his head around what he is going and was starting to make headway when he was informed yesterday that he would have to change roles again because one of his peers, who had been been almost set up to fail, had to be moved to a role where he couldn't do any damage. Will Cam now has an even shittier role to look forward to in two weeks. Oh, there was some good news......oh, no, ....there wasn't.
But sympathies these credit crunch days we all seem to be getting pushed around a little bit more.
Sootyj is despairing of persuading his employers to allow him to reduce his hours. Or move sideways into something more to his talents.
It seems to be carry on, resign or demotion.
What ever happened to flexi working?
Quote: sootyj @ September 17 2013, 7:35 PM BSTSo I'm applying to write short, quirky kids stories.
And they asked me to write a quirky story for 5 year olds about ants.
Here's the 2 versions I came up with, are either any good?
Advice welcome, hilarious reedits welcome, preoperative transexuals also welcome.
I'm not prejudiced.
1
Once there was a boy called Anthony who loved ants.
He loved how they all worked together and how they were so strong.
But most of all he loved to kill the; with boiling water and magnifying glasses.
Until one day a friend cooled him Ant.
He'd been an Ant all along.2
Don't take food into your room, always use a plate, clean up your messes.
Or you'll get ants in the house and they'll take over said Billy's mom.
So Billy watched the ants; they worked all day carrying heavy weights and living in the earth.
Billy cleared up his mess.
Quote: Jennie @ September 18 2013, 9:15 AM BST5am start for my trip to Norwich Crown Court today.
There are 10 cases on the list, two are offences of insects.
I'm trying not to judge.
There's your story.
Get thee to Norwich, my son.
Quote: Jennie @ September 18 2013, 9:15 AM BSTThat's rubbish. Is there any way you can stay in old role?
Yeah, yeah.
5am start for my trip to Norwich Crown Court today.
There are 10 cases on the list, two are offences of incest.
I'm trying not to judge.
M'lord I will be calling, the mother, sister, girlfriend and grandmother of the accused as witnesses
Won't that taken rather a long time.
They're the same person your honour.
Quote: Jennie @ September 18 2013, 9:15 AM BSTThere are 10 cases on the list, two are offences of incest.
I read that as insects. I was thinking Dung Beetle. You can never trust a Dung Beetle I say. (Probably preferable)
Ben is on the phone and on hold. The music is terrible.
Ben are you in some secret contest none of us know about for most gnomic BCG poster?
Quote: Ben @ September 18 2013, 11:28 AM BSTBen is on the phone and on hold. The music is terrible.
Yes, Modern Life Is Rubbish!
Oi that's an awesome album!
Quote: sootyj @ September 18 2013, 11:33 AM BSTOi that's an awesome album!
Don't you get all Lofty on me, soots. 
I'm just holding on for tomorrow
Quote: chipolata @ September 18 2013, 10:18 AM BSTChip has to do his emergency first aid training today. Part of which involves talking to an armless and legless dummy and asking if she's alright. He doesn't mind talking to dummies, just not in front of an assessor.
Had to do mine earlier this year. They made us wave our arms around the general area of the "body" to clear the area. I ended up been the last out of everyone to finish so felt picked on. Apparently I wasn't waving my arms about enough.
Quote: reds @ September 18 2013, 12:20 PM BSTHad to do mine earlier this year. They made us wave our arms around the general area of the "body" to clear the area. I ended up been the last out of everyone to finish so felt picked on. Apparently I wasn't waving my arms about enough.
Suddenly I appreciate being self-employed a lot more.
Have escaped the insects and incests of Norwich, only for my lovely clerks to send me an afternoon hearing in Ipswich: 'Miss, I really need you to go. I know Ipswich is on the other side of the country, but please try and get there.'
I might buy them a map for Christmas.
Are they like the House Elves in Harry Potter?
Yes. A house elf from Essex. All clerks are from Essex. They wear suits like footballers do and control my life.
