Quote: Lee @ September 17 2013, 4:42 PM BSTHow about you buy another woman flowers to signify a fresh start?
Funny you should say that - I flirted outrageously with the girl behind the counter at the bus station ticket office today. I don't rule out that line of enquiry being looked into further in the future. 
Quote: Jennie @ September 17 2013, 4:57 PM BSTI saw someone I went to school with a few months ago. She used to give me such a hard time for being a geek - made my life a misery for a year or two.
She still lives in Nottingham and is a single mother to five kids.
Nothing wrong with that, but at school she valued money and social status above all else. I was below her on both counts - not anymore.
She seemed to think we'd been best friends, my recollection is very very different. She said she "wished she'd worked a bit harder, like you". But to be honest, I didn't have any time to talk to her. My life is very different now.
This is my main concern I think. There's a guy who lives on my parents' street who was talking to them about me. He apparently gave me a glowing report, which is nice, considering he bullied me fairly consistently for a year or two, including threatening to have older girls beat me up on a semi-regular basis. Classy. I don't want those people to know I even still exist, let alone try to bask in any small-scale reflective glory. The bastards.
Quote: Tuumble @ September 17 2013, 5:00 PM BSTFunny you should say that - I flirted outrageously with the girl behind the counter at the bus station ticket office today. I don't rule out that line of enquiry being looked into further in the future.
That's the spirit! Once the dust settles with you, you never know but you could find dating quite fun.
So I'm applying to write short, quirky kids stories.
And they asked me to write a quirky story for 5 year olds about ants.
Here's the 2 versions I came up with, are either any good?
Advice welcome, hilarious reedits welcome, preoperative transexuals also welcome.
I'm not prejudiced.
1
Once there was a boy called Anthony who loved ants.
He loved how they all worked together and how they were so strong.
But most of all he loved to kill the; with boiling water and magnifying glasses.
Until one day a friend cooled him Ant.
He'd been an Ant all along.
2
Don't take food into your room, always use a plate, clean up your messes.
Or you'll get ants in the house and they'll take over said Billy's mom.
So Billy watched the ants; they worked all day carrying heavy weights and living in the earth.
Billy cleared up his mess.
What about...
Billy liked ants
Billy liked ants a lot
Billy liked ants so much he liked to keep them warm.
BY FRYING THE FUCKERS WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS AND THEN STAMPING THEM INTO TINY LITTLE FUCKING PIECES.
Billy liked ants.
Its just you and Dylan Thomas isn't it?
Quote: sootyj @ September 17 2013, 8:15 PM BSTIts just you and Dylan Thomas isn't it?
He's here right now wearing a fetching stetson and purple cape. Meanwhile I have to feed my Slow Loris which I've called Mr Cacatoo.
Will Cam was moved sideways at work about 7 months ago in to a very dry role that he had never been involved in before and had been organisationally neglected. It has taken him that long to get his head around what he is going and was starting to make headway when he was informed yesterday that he would have to change roles again because one of his peers, who had been been almost set up to fail, had to be moved to a role where he couldn't do any damage. Will Cam now has an even shittier role to look forward to in two weeks. Oh, there was some good news......oh, no, ....there wasn't.
Well it won't let me change my avatar pic for some reason... I blame Chip!
Quote: Will Cam @ September 17 2013, 11:26 PM BSTWill Cam was moved sideways at work about 7 months ago in to a very dry role that he had never been involved in before and had been organisationally neglected. It has taken him that long to get his head around what he is going and was starting to make headway when he was informed yesterday that he would have to change roles again because one of his peers, who had been been almost set up to fail, had to be moved to a role where he couldn't do any damage. Will Cam now has an even shittier role to look forward to in two weeks. Oh, there was some good news......oh, no, ....there wasn't.
That's rubbish. Is there any way you can stay in old role?
Quote: Marc P @ September 18 2013, 8:44 AM BSTWell it won't let me change my avatar pic for some reason...
Yeah, yeah. 
5am start for my trip to Norwich Crown Court today.
There are 10 cases on the list, two are offences of incest.
I'm trying not to judge.
Quote: Jennie @ September 18 2013, 9:15 AM BSTThat's rubbish. Is there any way you can stay in old role?
no, it's a done deal!
Quote: Jennie @ September 18 2013, 9:15 AM BSTI'm trying not to judge.
I like Marc's new ladyboy...I mean lady friend.
LOL
Quote: Will Cam @ September 17 2013, 11:26 PM BSTWill Cam was moved sideways at work about 7 months ago in to a very dry role that he had never been involved in before and had been organisationally neglected. It has taken him that long to get his head around what he is going and was starting to make headway when he was informed yesterday that he would have to change roles again because one of his peers, who had been been almost set up to fail, had to be moved to a role where he couldn't do any damage. Will Cam now has an even shittier role to look forward to in two weeks. Oh, there was some good news......oh, no, ....there wasn't.
WILL CAM IS SITTING IN T'PARLOUR HE IS COVERED IN DIRT AND HAS AN ESPECIALLY BIG PILE ON TOP OF HIS FLAT CAP.
OOV (MRS OUR WILL CAM)
Ow's the new day in yon new job down t'BBC shite comedy mine?
OUR WILL CAM
Bloody awful, I gave it up.
MRS OUR WILL CAM
Our Will Cam you bloody disgrace! There's only 2 jobs going in the whole bloody North East. One's being Peter Kay, the other's polishing his arse at the BBC.
OUR WILL CAM
My dad was a shiftless, idle northerner, my granddad was a shiftless idle northerner, and my great, great grandad used to wank off t'pit pony whilst Queen Victoria watched. We don't talk about him much.
MRS OUR WILL CAM
But what was so terrible about it?
OUR WILL CAM
You know I said it were dead men's shoes job.
MRS OUR WILL CAM
Yes
OUR WILL CAM
It literally were, they buried me alive on first day. I just ruddy dug my way out. Good thing Sootyj my faithful whippet took my place.
OOV A MUFFLED SOOTYJ BARKS
Turned out shite again!