Sketch about a reversing van

Any good? Or tasteless?

SCENE: TRANSIT VAN REVERSING INTO TIGHT SPACE. MAN STANDING BEHIND IT SHOUTING INSTRUCTIONS.

MAN:
You're alright, you're alright, you're alright. Keep coming. Left hand down a bit. That's it. Straighten up. (PANICKING) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Christ, you were that close mate. Right, go forward a bit. That's it. Now straighten up and come back. Alright. Keep coming. Keep coming. Right hand down a bit. That's it. Keep coming. Now straighten up. Straighten up! Straighten up! Stop!!! Stone me. Right, go forward a bit and then left hand down just a touch, OK? That's it. OK, stop and come back, nice and straight. Alright, keep coming. You're alright, you're alright, you're alright. Keep coming. Left hand down a bit. Not that much. Just a touch. Not that much. Whoa! Alright, right hand down, go forward a bit, straighten up and then back, OK. Nice and slow. Alright? (VAN MANOEUVRES INEPTLY). Jesus wept.

VOICE FROM VAN:
Is that alright?

MAN:
(RESIGNED)
Yeah, fine. Just keep coming. Alright. Stop. That'll do.

VAN COMES TO A BADLY PARKED HALT. A GUIDE DOG GETS OUT OF IT FOLLOWED BY A BLIND MAN.

Heya, it's not tasteless so much as just not a sketch yet- the instructions go on for a really long time without laughs, and there's no logic as to why the blind man (or his dog) are driving the van. Work out what point you wanted to make (is it people being forced into equal opportunities? A man who makes his mates inappropriately do stuff cos he loves instructing? Is it a rogue guide dog?) and add in funny bits along the way

I found the instructions highly entertaining, you got the voice just right, and they just kept on going - but I didn't like the punchline, it didn;t seem enough to justify the buildup.

Perhaps you coudl pull back to reveal that the van is in a vast empty field or on a huge airstrip. That's pretty lame too, I admit. YOu got the build up just right, but I wanted something else to happen.

Or we see that the van is one of a pair that have parked very close either side of a car trapping it so that its doors cannot be opened. The car is in a bay marked Jeremy Clarkson.

The punchline seems obvious because of the build-up, there's no surprise there.

In a sketch about a reversing van, I was expecting more beeps

What's the joke? Am I missing something?

Quote: Marc P @ September 12 2013, 8:40 PM BST

What's the joke? Am I missing something?

View original

I think it's that someone who appears to be giving instructions because reversing into a tight space is difficult is actually giving instructions because the driver is blind. A problem with that set-up for me is that there is no joke because reversing into a tight space is difficult anyway. If the instructions are given for reversing into a really wide-open space there might be more in it because we get misdirected better - the instructor appears at first to be an arse but in the end is revealed as helpful.

Thanks for all the feedback - it's really useful. I agree the punchline is a bit - well, very - lame, but I'm not sure what to do about it just at the moment.

For some reason, I find the whole thing of people giving instructions to other people trying to reverse vans really funny in itself. You're alright, you're alright, left hand down a bit, keep coming. Whoa! All that stuff.

How would it be if at the end, the van was right in the middle of a maze or something like that?

It's funny to you but... it goes on and on and without a killer punch it ends up just wrong. Think of something different that is the essence of comedy.. you be clever so your audience doesn't have to be.

I think the directions are a little bland and the punch is a bit of a golden oldie.

I could picture it with a shepherd getting his dog to park the car.

How about once the van parks it cuts to a couple naked in the bushes and a bloke turns to the woman and says "He sounds just like you!"

or a better punchline to refer back to how sexual and bossy the vanman was sounding?

Quote: FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange @ September 13 2013, 3:49 PM BST

How about once the van parks it cuts to a couple naked in the bushes and a bloke turns to the woman and says "He sounds just like you!"

or a better punchline to refer back to how sexual and bossy the vanman was sounding?

View original

I'm just having trouble with the concept of a sexual-sounding vanman, but thanks for the suggestion.

Quote: FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange @ September 13 2013, 3:49 PM BST

How about once the van parks it cuts to a couple naked in the bushes and a bloke turns to the woman and says "He sounds just like you!"

or a better punchline to refer back to how sexual and bossy the vanman was sounding?

View original

That's a booyah

Or just a shot of the van reversing and the instructions being yelled by an unseen voice.

Then cut to the interior of the van to find three people playing Twister in the back.