The Light Bus Page 3

Or as I would put it

'Don't write for writers'

I think it depends on the writers really. If you're writing for people trying to find their feet - i.e. everyone on here - then it's not a great idea. If you're writing for the script editor of 2525, then it's a slightly better idea.

I mean the millions of viewers and listeners are mostly none writers

You're right they like planer fare

Quote: Ben @ September 11 2013, 9:40 PM BST

One of my problems with the Critique forum is - and I've seen it countless times on here - is that a slightly surreal or innuendo laden idea will get the thumbs up when it's actually detrimental to the sketch. It's completely subjective, of course, but given the content of sketches you see on telly or hear on the radio, then I would say producers aren't keen on it.

I didn't find the kebab bit very clear, but assumed it was some sexual reference as they discuss sharing a kebab at the end. Anyway, you didn't send it in, so I think you made the right decision.

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Thanks for your honest opinions Ben.
Firstly I have no expectation of getting my sketches accepted for 2525. So I consider this to be a learning exercise. And this thread has so far been very illuminating in both the pro and con comments.

Secondly it is very apparent that 'funny' is in the eye of the beholder. You ultimately have to hope that the reader with her/his finger poised over the delete email button has something akin to your sense of humour.

Thanks

No worries, Playfull. I was worried I was coming across rather condescending, but you seem to have taken it in the manner I intended.

It also doesn't hurt to gamble, Newsjack seem to go with a few completely out there idea each run. And ultimately funnys funny, so maybe don't send innunendo or surrealism for all 5 versions. But gamble with 1 or 2 if you genuinely think they're funny. That's certainly the ratio I go with. I sent one in that was definitely smart arsey scifi heavy, but I thought well it's good maybe they'll take a chance.

Sounds like sound advice sooty. Have you already sent in to Newsjack?
Not tried topical stuff before and I am finding it difficult. Was going to wait until Sunday night and hope last minute panic might help.

Quote: sootyj @ September 11 2013, 9:53 PM BST

I mean the millions of viewers and listeners are mostly none writers

You're right they like planer fare

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Neil from The Young Ones, for example?

For what it's worth, I liked the sketch, and I understood that the driver was trying to get off home early, I thought that was funny. Didn't like the kebab joke, really - thought it was fine for a surreal SF gag at the start, but didn't go for the call backs.

Calls back.

Call-backs.

If in doubt, hyphenate.

There is a very good skit in there that can be both clever bollocks and approachable.
I think the girl kebab inunedo gag is risque, but could be beaten by maker her more feirce and having more lines.

The kebab bit doesn't work for me.
It might be a quite funny line in isolation, but where you have it the audience might expect that to be the premise of the sketch.
But the direction changes and the kebab part though referred to is never explained, resolved or put into context. ,

How about, to make the size/shape more logical, and to avoid any allegations of sexism:

-You can't bring your kebab on board.

-That's not a kebab, it's my Venusian chinchilla. [SFX: Shrill yap]. The sign says, "Dogs must be carried".

-Yeah, but not in a pitta bread.

-That's not a pitta bread, it's a Venusian hound satchel, a traditional canine transportation pouch woven by -

-Yes, yes, yes. Anyway...

Neat.

I think a mouthy, kebab martian girlfriend could be awesome.

Quote: sootyj @ September 12 2013, 10:35 AM BST

Neat.

I think a mouthy, kebab martian girlfriend could be awesome.

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I definitely agree, but I think it would have to be the main thrust of the sketch, and not a weird aside as it is here.

Also true,

Quote: sootyj @ September 12 2013, 9:38 AM BST

I think the girl kebab inunedo gag is risque, but could be beaten by maker her more feirce and having more lines.

View original

The thing is in a short sketch, trying to divide the lines between three is hard and unless it's important for the story of the sketch to work I think the only way is to have a very minor character, male or female, pop in to say something and then pop back out again.
Maybe the kebab has taken on more significance as 'she' runs through the sketch when in fact she was just meant to be a little throwaway (pardon!) surreal idea.