For A Few One-Liners More - feedback appreciated

I can't believe how radically different the new Grand Theft Auto game is from the rest of the series. That Children In Need fundraising mission is briliant.

Security is being reviewed at Buckingham Palace after guards challenged a loudmouthed, unemployed ex-serviceman found strolling through the grounds like his family owned the place.

George Osborne is right, the economy has turned a corner. Straight into a branch of Cash Converters.

Have you seen the designs for the new Olympic Stadium in Tokyo? It's the size of a pinhead but still seats 3 million people.

Thanks to the two pavement artists who gave me their shoes yesterday. Lovely pair of Skechers.

Went to a preview screening of the new Diana film. Bit of a car crash to be honest.

Dennis Nilsen's old flat is up for sale. Still full of lots of original features. A nose, a couple of ears, a penis...

All decent (didn't get the first one though), but liked the second one best - could hear that on Newsjack.

Cheers - I've posted a potential Newsjack offering in Critique as well.

I suppose you have to get what the GTA series of games has been about and the fuss it's caused to get the first one.

I will use a mark scheme to judge your jokes
My marks, N- not to my taste so can't judge
F- I'm thick and I don't get it.
FF- I don't get it and no one else will either.
D- distasteful, not to my taste so can't judge
C- good joke
B- Very good, I'm jealous
A-good enough to get on newsjack
(A disclaimer here is that I have just started my career as a critic 5 minutes ago and am not yet qualified to give grade A)

I can't believe how radically different the new Grand Theft Auto game is from the rest of the series. That Children In Need fundraising mission is briliant.
My marks, N- not to my taste so can't judge
FF

Security is being reviewed at Buckingham Palace after guards challenged a loudmouthed, unemployed ex-serviceman found strolling through the grounds like his family owned the place.
B+
George Osborne is right, the economy has turned a corner. Straight into a branch of Cash Converters.
B
Have you seen the designs for the new Olympic Stadium in Tokyo? It's the size of a pinhead but still seats 3 million people.

Thanks to the two pavement artists who gave me their shoes yesterday. Lovely pair of Skechers.
B+

Went to a preview screening of the new Diana film. Bit of a car crash to be honest.
D

Dennis Nilsen's old flat is up for sale. Still full of lots of original features. A nose, a couple of ears, a penis...
D

I liked them all but didn't understand the first one.Eee we didn't have Grand Theft Autos or even computers when I were nowt but a lad.Height of pleasure was to go t't butchers and gawp at new bacon slicer.Mind you though , she had a lovely arse , that new bacon slicer.

Quote: AndyGilder @ September 10 2013, 1:40 PM BST

Security is being reviewed at Buckingham Palace after guards challenged a loudmouthed, unemployed ex-serviceman found strolling through the grounds like his family owned the place.

Thanks to the two pavement artists who gave me their shoes yesterday. Lovely pair of Skechers.

View original

I think these two are the strongest.

But if you're thinking of sending them to Newsjack, don't put them on here before the show Andy!

You don't mean...someone might nick them.My cunning plan foiled again.

I think there's a law against nicking jokes....it's comes under Grand Theft - Oughto know better (half a credit to Andy for that one )

There all good apart from the first one, I think you have to be about 15 and into computer games to get that one!

But all very topical, which means they might be irrelevant by the time I'm writing this! but the snickers one is timeless and probably the best one.

my favourite however is the Diana joke,

I'm trying to work another line in about how the dialogue was so false and made up, but its a bit "explain", but could work in stand up maybe? smething like
.
Went to a preview screening of the new Diana film. Bit of a car crash to be honest.
There was one part where the script got so made up they actual implied the Dodi Fiade knew they were going to crash, like he was some kind of clairvoyant or something, honestly! he walked into the bar, turned to the Driver and said "I need you to come for a drive in the Limo with me and die!"

Having a big car chase at the end is such a formulaic way to finish a film too. What? Based on a true story? Oh...

Quote: Shandonbelle @ September 11 2013, 11:03 AM BST

I think these two are the strongest.

But if you're thinking of sending them to Newsjack, don't put them on here before the show Andy!

View original

I'm realistic enough to know that I'm not going to get rich and famous doing this, so if someone nicks something then I'm more likely to take it as a compliment and be pleased that they are sharing it than pursue them through the courts.

I'm Open Source to some people's Microsoft

Some are very good indeed, neat, economic if very tasteless.

Diana, Nilsen, Osbourne, Andrew.

When you're being mean you seem to find a funny voice. These are good solid puns, not just silly word play. Meaning changes completely in the punchline and that's what makes them jokes not puns.

The nicer one's are just silly word play and fail for me.

If you can't be mean to politicians, royals and serial killers then we're all doomed.

Thanks for the feedback again folks

Politicians, royals and serial killers? three words that mean the same!

My tuppence worth in caps below.

I can't believe how radically different the new Grand Theft Auto game is from the rest of the series. That Children In Need fundraising mission is briliant.
DIDN'T GET IT. SORRY.

Security is being reviewed at Buckingham Palace after guards challenged a loudmouthed, unemployed ex-serviceman found strolling through the grounds like his family owned the place.
GOOD ONE. NOT HOWLINGLY HILARIOUS BUT SOLID.

George Osborne is right, the economy has turned a corner. Straight into a branch of Cash Converters.
GOOD ONE.

Have you seen the designs for the new Olympic Stadium in Tokyo? It's the size of a pinhead but still seats 3 million people.
REALLY LIKE THE IDEA, BUT FEEL IT COULD BE EVEN FUNNIER WITH A BIT OF FINESSING.

Thanks to the two pavement artists who gave me their shoes yesterday. Lovely pair of Skechers.
VERY GOOD. NICE ECONOMIC PUN.

Went to a preview screening of the new Diana film. Bit of a car crash to be honest.
BRILLIANT. THE BEST OF THE LOT.

Dennis Nilsen's old flat is up for sale. Still full of lots of original features. A nose, a couple of ears, a penis...
EXCELLENT IDEA, BUT I RECKON THERE COULD BE MORE MILEAGE IN THIS. FOR INSTANCE, ARE THERE ANY PARTS OF THE BODY THAT ACTUALLY SOUND LIKE HOUSE FEATURES? WHAT ABOUT SOMETHING TO DO WITH DRAINS?? A PUN ON THROWING MONEY / BODY PARTS DOWN THE DRAIN??

Hi
Here's my feedback/personal opinion

I can't believe how radically different the new Grand Theft Auto game is from the rest of the series. That Children In Need fundraising mission is briliant.

This seems more of an idea for a joke rather than a finished one

Security is being reviewed at Buckingham Palace after guards challenged a loudmouthed, unemployed ex-serviceman found strolling through the grounds like his family owned the place.

This one's alright.

George Osborne is right, the economy has turned a corner. Straight into a branch of Cash Converters.

I only just get this now on second reading, it kind of works butI don't think an audience would get it without having to think about it for a sec. works better written down than said.

Have you seen the designs for the new Olympic Stadium in Tokyo? It's the size of a pinhead but still seats 3 million people.
Is this about the Japanese making things that are small? Not sure I get this one

Thanks to the two pavement artists who gave me their shoes yesterday. Lovely pair of Skechers.
I guess that skechers are a brand of shoes, perhaps not well enough known to work that well

Went to a preview screening of the new Diana film. Bit of a car crash to be honest.
maybe has something if it's reworded, but it feels a bit cheap, I'd avoid one's like these unless they are bang on funny

Dennis Nilsen's old flat is up for sale. Still full of lots of original features. A nose, a couple of ears, a penis...
Would maybe work if reworded