Yes I agree, I should have and nearly did ( I don't know what stopped me) pursue the bit about the toxicology report and maybe an autopsy and a court hearing, witness statements etc.
I was rambling on and I knew it as I was writing it.
The goldfish from the fair Page 2
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Woman: If I were a goldfish serial killer I would hardly bring it back here to show you, I would have just killed it and buried it in my garden.
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This is where the police could turn up and arrest her. This might make a good ending or you could have another few scenes for the interview trial , toxicology report etc.
PS I like the bit about the goldfish being the manager but that might complicate it too much and could be a separate sketch.
Or the police turn up and arrest the stall holder yet again.
But yes it goes on to long I got carried away with it.
I don't think it is too long, the famous "This Parrot is Dead" sketch is much longer.
Quote: billwill @ September 7 2013, 7:41 PM BSTI don't think it is too long, the famous "This Parrot is Dead" sketch is much longer.
Well the length (just about) suits the Dead Parrot sketch. This sketch could be shorter as there's too much filler. That's what I was getting at and not that every sketch has to be 90 seconds tops, Bill.
You missed the point Ben, The first draft of the Dead Parrot, might well have been thought too long and too many filler bits, but later drafts improved.
Quote: billwill @ September 7 2013, 8:07 PM BSTYou missed the point Ben, The first draft of the Dead Parrot, might well have been thought too long and too many filler bits, but later drafts improved.
And that's what my original critique was, Bill: too long, but potential.
I was going off in all sorts of tangents I was just messing around with words. I initially ended it abruptly but then added more because of the critique.
For me it is not so much as kill your babies because I don't see them as my babies, I just sort of foster them for a short while at the time I love them and get very involved, but once they are gone I don't think too much about them.
I particularly liked the switch of expectation from him being dodgy to him being aghast at the suggestion of dodginess, great idea Carlos. I too would like to see more about the legal process that occurs when these things happen, previously completely unbeknownst to her. The court (or autopsy) procedures could be 'the scales of justice'...
Why did the goldfish paint himself; white, black and orange before his date?
He was being koi.