Nice one, soots. Maybe we should just hire you to leave comments on the forum registration page, knock em down before they even sign up?
New Animated Show - Looking for any thoughts Page 3
C'mon Lee I've had worse.
If you like sexist, homophobic macho banter without wit or originality, it's for you!
I watched the title sequence and I thought, this is going to be good.
But the script was not tight enough and the swearing for comic effect became wearisome.
And as others haver said, making derogatory jokes about minorities, even in character, is uncool. Or at least requires much more context to make it acceptable (see South Park) than is the case here.
Quote: Tursiops @ August 23 2013, 11:21 AM BST(see South Park)
Don't mention the 'South Park'. I did once but I think I got away with it....
Quote: sootyj @ August 21 2013, 10:51 PM BSTAlso a winner isn't the guy who stays on his feet, he's the guy who gets back up when knocked down.
Well, hello there. It's been a while. The last time I was here I bought with me a couple of animated pieces that were almost received completely negatively, not just here but in other places as well, and it made me go away and re-evaluate what 'show' was meant to be and what it had become, and after re-writing and re-recording, it is now something I am much happier with and closer to my original concept.
95% of the swearing has gone, and most of the offensive and darker material has been watered down to hopefully give it a wider audience in the long term. There was too much of an aggressive overtone that was admittedly a tad overbearing beforehand, and the humour is focussed a lot more on silliness this time around.
I don't consider the original videos to have been a waste of time as I learned a lot more about animation, and anyone that saw them will hopefully notice the improvements that have been made. And as hard as it was to listen to before, I want to thank the people who posted in this topic before for helping me re-define the show.
Honestly, though, I don't expect to find much love on this forum. If people want to shoot my stuff down, then that's fine. I feel WAY stronger about my work now than I did before, and anything from here on out will be an evolution rather than a revolution. But it would be nice to know if I've managed to convert at least a couple of people 
Part I: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3Ci3uwj3mQ
Part II: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKlwyDQenlk
More to follow soon.
Well its a lot more enjoyable with better developed jokes and dialogue.
Pretty good even, I do still advise put the script up before the animation. But this is more fun, lighter, quicker I'd just watch out for swopping swearing for bloody.
Anyway nice to see you're back.
Quote: HangmanSi @ 29th October 2013, 12:09 AM GMTHonestly, though, I don't expect to find much love on this forum.
This comes across as unnecessarily uppity. Critique, when it is meant well (as mine certainly was) means that people have give their valuable time to help you become a better writer. I cannot think of anything more "loving" than that.
I am glad you are at a happier place with your project.
This is much better without the swearing and the jokes are stronger. I still think the script needs tightening up though - there is quite a lot of superfluous dialogue in there. But it is definitely a lot better.
Hi Simon
Firstly congratulations on what you've achieved so far with the animation/website and all that. Clearly a lot of effort has gone into it and it is looking good.
I didn't see the first episodes you posted and gather they have been removed but I would say many of the comments made still apply to these episodes. There is no plot or real character definition just 3 men gently taking the piss out of each other, which I found quite dull. The only thing that made me smile was when his trousers fell down. At the end of the second episode there was nothing that made me want to see the next one.
As Sooty has suggested, perhaps you should put your scripts up on Critique first. At the moment it seems a bit of a waste to put all that effort in animating it when the script isn't that funny.
Sorry ifthat's all a bit negative. I genuinely do wish you well with it. I think this could be a good little production once you've got the right script.
I wouldn't call it a waste. Regardless of the content, the animation improves with every new video, and that makes them worth it to me.
And It wasn't supposed to be uppity. But previously, for every person offering genuine advice there was a handful just having a go at it.
Anyway, Part III http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsT1Vbxo9MY