Is this one too silly? Does it work at all? Would love to hear any comments.
INTRO. Here in the future almost anything is possible. Take this for example, we are about to join those wonderful scientist types at the Wayne Rooney institute of advanced cleverness just as they are about to make a momentous announcement.
Dr SCIENTIST. Hello my name is Dr Scientist and as project leader I would like to thank you all for coming today. We...
JOURNALIST. Sorry did you say your name was Dr Scientist?
Dr SCIENTIST. Yes. We...
JOURNALIST. That's a bit unusual isn't it?
Dr SCIENTIST. No not at all. Do you mind if I carry on, I am sure no one is interested in my name.
JOURNALIST. I've already got 50 replies on my live blogcast, all asking about your name.
JOURNALIST 2. And my insta twit account has gone crazy. You are trendying well above Lady ga ga ga. And she has just accepted another lifetime achievement award wearing someone else's skin.
Dr SCIENTIST. Can I continue?
BOTH JOURNALISTS. (Infantile and insistent) Name, name, name, name...
Dr SCIENTIST. Alright! When my parents ordered me from the clinic they accidently put Scientist in the name box instead of the chosen profession bo...
JOURNALIST. Boring!
JOURNALIST 2. All my twits are leaving me for 'incomming asteroid hash tag' hang on, they are back! Quick say something interesting!
JOURNALIST. And not about you, everyone is commenting 'get over yourself'!
Dr SCIENTIST. Er, right well we have called this press conference to announce a major breakthrough in inter-species communication! After 3 years of intensive research my team and I have developed...
JOURNALIST 2. We know, the robot did it!
Dr SCIENTIST. What?
JOURNALIST 2. The new robot you got last week, he did it.
JOURNALIST. He told us at his press conference this morning. He said he would have been quicker if you hadn't taken five days to remember to plug him in.
Dr SCIENTIST. Brilliant! Did he show you how it works?
JOURNALIST, No he didn't have time, had to go and get fitted for his Nobel Prize. Very cool dude, and he didn't go on about himself all the time like some people.
Dr SCIENTIST. Right over here on this desk you can see our nano scale emf audio translator.
JOURNALIST. I can't see anything?
Dr SCIENTIST. Well you won't will you, its Nano scale, you will just have to believe me, it is there, just above the Petri Dish. This has been designed to read the tiny fluctuations in the faint emf field that every living thing emits, and using a complex algorithm it then converts this information into words.
JOURNALIST 2. Wow!
Dr SCIENTIST. I know!
JOURNALIST 2. What does it do?
Dr SCIENTIST. I just told you.
JOURNALIST 2. Oh.
Dr SCIENTIST. For the first time ever we have the ability to communicate with the very smallest creatures on earth.
JOURNALIST. Dwarves?
Dr SCIENTIST. No not dwarves! Microbes!
JOURNALIST. Cos I am sure I have heard dwarves speaking or singing...
Dr SCIENTIST. It's not dwarves it's a virus! We have a virus in the petri dish! Does it look like we could get a dwarf into the petri dish?
JOURNALIST. Well...
Dr SCIENTIST. It's not a dwarf, it's a virus. Ok I am switching the translator on.
MICROSOFT WINDOWS OPENING JINGLE
VIRUS. What's that, who is there?
Dr SCIENTIST. Hello on behalf of the human race...
VIRUS. Just a minute please.
Dr SCIENTIST. After millions of years of living in...
VIRUS. Hang on a sec would you.
Dr SCIENTIST. This is one small word for man but one giant sentence for m...
VIRUS. There we go, sorry about that, I was just tweeting Lady ga ga ga, you were saying?
