2525 Dirty Bots

Not used to writing sketches - so really interested to see if this floats or sinks. All help/comments most welcome.

INTRO. It's the future, all bright and shiny and new. Lots of chrome and glass and all that sort of stuff. But down below its different, underneath the gleaming hover houses and glittery 100 story shopping malls it's the 'dirty bots' that deal with all the waste and rubbish the future creates.

BOT 1. Look at this another flux capacitor and in perfect working order.

BOT 2. Put it in the waste stream.

BOT 1. But its still in its virtual box, I might keep it.

BOT 2. You already have 2756 flux capacitors at home.

BOT 1. You never know when a spare might come in handy.

BOT 2. Stream it.

BOT 1. Alright.

WHOOSHING NOISE.

BOT 2. Look at this. Someone has thrown away an iphone 9000.

BOT 1. Well?

BOT 2. They were only released this morning.

BOT 1. Yes but the iphone 9001 is supposed to be so much better.

BOT 2. How do you know that?

BOT 1. It says so on the back of the 9000 you're holding.

BOT 2. Oh yeah.

BOT 1. Do you ever think there should be more to life than this.

BOT 2. No.

BOT 1. Just spending our lives sorting out the stuff people throw away.

BOT 2. Its Apples third law of redundancy.

BOTH BOTS TOGETHER. 'Disposal is creation'.

BOT 1. I know but it all seems...

LOUD BUZZING NOISE.

BOT 2. Sounds like someone's redundancy warning.

BOT 1. What no it can't be...

BOT 2. Come on into the stream.

BOT 1. But...

BOT 2. No Buts, come on into the waste stream.

BOT 1. No but...

BOT 2. Look we all have to go sometime, third law remember?

BOT 1. But its not my buzzer going off, its yours!

BOT 2. Bugger.

WHOOSH

I thought this was good. Short and snappy. Liked the bit about the iPhone 9001 being "so much better " being written on back of iphone 9000" very good.

I liked it Playfull - but I actually thought it was more poignant than funny.

It's very good, but perhaps too similar to the marvellous WALL-E (Disney/Pixar full-length animation)

Excellent premise, and as Tim says, a potential runner.

I was not particularly taken with the flux capacitor exchange; the iphone exchange is very good, but could be slightly sharper - lose the 'supposed' and to avoid the line trailing off I would restructure "It says so on the back of the 9000 you're holding" to something like "The 9000 you're holding - it says so on the back."

I do not really get the Wall-E comparison. (That is a very good film though.)

Quote: Tim Azure @ August 20 2013, 7:48 AM BST

Would these be good characters to continue throughout the series? (Even if Bot 2 is killed a la Kenny every time...)

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There is certainly scope in the area they work for other story lines. I (obviously) tried to parody our culture of disposal with an exaggeration of what might come. So I might have a think about other similar areas ummm.

Food for thought. Thanks Tim.

Quote: Mattytheswan @ August 20 2013, 8:17 AM BST

I thought this was good. Short and snappy. Liked the bit about the iPhone 9001 being "so much better " being written on back of iphone 9000" very good.

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Thanks Matty, I did wonder about the length so I will take 'short & snappy'. I wouldn't be surprised if Apple didn't pinch that idea?

Thanks

Quote: Jennie @ August 20 2013, 9:55 AM BST

I liked it Playfull - but I actually thought it was more poignant than funny.

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Hi Jennie, I didn't know I could do poignant? I know it's not on brief for 'laugh out loud' so will be looking for advice to improve it.

thanks.

Quote: beaky @ August 20 2013, 10:39 AM BST

It's very good, but perhaps too similar to the marvellous WALL-E (Disney/Pixar full-length animation)

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WALL-E Now that was funny and poignant.

Problem with this brief is that every time I go to write I can hear Marvin from Hitchikers or Bender from Futurama or that bloody toaster from Red Dwarf. I do think the 'Dirty Bots' have potential - just need more work?

thanks.

Quote: Tursiops @ August 20 2013, 10:57 AM BST

Excellent premise, and as Tim says, a potential runner.

I was not particularly taken with the flux capacitor exchange; the iphone exchange is very good, but could be slightly sharper - lose the 'supposed' and to avoid the line trailing off I would restructure "It says so on the back of the 9000 you're holding" to something like "The 9000 you're holding - it says so on the back."

I do not really get the Wall-E comparison. (That is a very good film though.)

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Yes, the flux capacitor was my way into the sketch/characters and a bit of a scene setter, but I agree it is not a gag of itself - any ideas how to funny that bit up?
Will Look at the words around the iphone.

Thanks for your comments.

I didn't expect to like this but it's quite light and funny and it is poignant, as Jennie says.

It does need tightening up throughout and the very good iPhone joke should end on 'released this morning'. The follow up about the 9001 is just the same joke again so suffers from diminishing returns.

I would lose all the criticism of Apple - wasteful, disposable etc. In professional circles their products are known to last and work for years and the criticism would more accurately be levelled at Samsung, who have brought out two phones and a tablet since I started this post.

Agree you could lose the Apple bit, but this is a genuinely funny sketch, really liked the bots interaction and could see it being a runner.

Quote: Godot Taxis @ August 20 2013, 12:18 PM BST

I didn't expect to like this but it's quite light and funny and it is poignant, as Jennie says.

It does need tightening up throughout and the very good iPhone joke should end on 'released this morning'. The follow up about the 9001 is just the same joke again so suffers from diminishing returns.

I would lose all the criticism of Apple - wasteful, disposable etc. In professional circles their products are known to last and work for years and the criticism would more accurately be levelled at Samsung, who have brought out two phones and a tablet since I started this post.

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Thanks for your comments Godot

Not sure I agree on the 9001 point. I see the gag as the fact that the next phones benefits are advertised on the previous one. I am not sure the 'released this morning' gag is strong enough on its own.

I wondered about mentioning 'Apple' as I could easily have described it as a '9000 series super smart phone' or such like but Apple & iphone are such solid get the point across terms. Of course being a writing slut if the BEEB ask I will call it a banana or whatever they want!

Thought that "Samsung, who have brought out two phones and a tablet since I started this post." was funnier than my entire sketch!

Quote: Shandonbelle @ August 20 2013, 12:26 PM BST

Agree you could lose the Apple bit, but this is a genuinely funny sketch, really liked the bots interaction and could see it being a runner.

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Thanks Shandon - Well no one has hated it yet, so far so good.

I liked the characters too, I think you've found good voices for them.

I had an idea for sending them on a cull of aged citizens, maybe I'll knock that up later.

Quote: gappy @ August 20 2013, 1:07 PM BST

I liked the characters too, I think you've found good voices for them.

I had an idea for sending them on a cull of aged citizens, maybe I'll knock that up later.

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Be my guest.

I am trying to work through an idea around celebrity. I can see a quiz show host complaining bitterly about being discarded even though he had 'the top rated fridge cast up to 15 mins ago'.

Not sure now I have said it out loud...

Thanks for the 'voices' comment.