2525 Robot Union

Taken down as now submitted.

I liked this very much, Tursiops. Nicely mad with a good ending. Maybe you could trim the middle a little bit as it sagged a little for me, but that's my only negative.

Cheers Ben, yes I wondered if it might be dragging its length.

It's good but firsly lose the swear, funny idea but make the robots more Edl and ridiculous.

You can't go on holiday you weigh 3000 tonnes and you're imobile.

What's wake week? And funny as it is, it doesn't accelerate.

A wake week is where everything closes down and everyone goes on holiday at once, which kind of still happens in some manufacturing industries: rather than staggering leave, they close the plant and everyone take leave at the same time, which was the concept I was trying to get across. Evidently the term is too obscure and old-fashioned, so I'll have to try again.

Also concerned whether 'fixed plant' gets the joke across; to me fixed plant conveys mass and immobility, but not sure it conjures the same mental image for others.

'effing' I think of as a substitute swear word; but is it still too much for Radio 4? It is not necessary but the line seems to work better with the additional emphasis.

My sketches do tend to lack acceleration.

A good idea, very sharply written. It loses puff around the Rigel/psychokinetic stuff. The idea of a static plant going on holiday and the 'Where did you get those buckets and spades? lines are both excellent.

Good sketch. Liked the concept and particularly the robot character. I understood Wakes week but not everyone will. Sketch did drag a little in the middle - The matter transformation line is a little long for me and might work better broken up into two lines with a robot response in between.

Keep 'fixed plant' but add 'you weigh 100 tonnes!'

Thanks guys, this has been really helpful. I think I can find solutions now for most of the problems.

But now I am wondering if there is potentially enough material here for a runner. It goes against my principles a bit to break up a self-contained sketch, but...

I think 'wake week' is now referred to as 'shutdown'.

Thanks, yes something like, "It's the holidays shutdown" should cover it.

I like that a lot. I agree there's a section 2/3 through that gets a bit soggy, and I also didn't know what "wake week" was, but other than that, it is right up my alley. "You are the tools" is cracking.

I have a suspicion it might be too slow and cerebral for 2525, given the brief, but let's find out.

I like it, but also never heard of wake week.

I think you should definitely turn the intro into an "intro-plus-one-liner". Plain set-ups are a waste of space in a show like this, so stick a gag in.

Quote: gappy @ August 18 2013, 2:45 PM BST

I have a suspicion it might be too slow and cerebral

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The story of my life

Quote: Badge @ August 19 2013, 12:06 AM BST

I think you should definitely turn the intro into an "intro-plus-one-liner". Plain set-ups are a waste of space in a show like this, so stick a gag in.

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Good point, at the moment the intro serves no purpose even as exposition.

I've read it twice and laughed in several places, with the bucket and spade cracking me up!
I think it seems to just miss the point slightly and I totally agree with the, you weigh 100 tons and shutdown week, needs to be added as the second time I read it I added those in myself, more jokes, I think would help but don't change the ending, its perfect for radio.

How about a whacky post script? After the bucket and spade line, cut to a news report:

"This just in, 75% of the coast of Devon has been destroyed following systematic industrial scale sandcastle building by a gang of ruthlessly efficient spade-wielding robots. Listeners are advised to avoid at all costs the [Off Robotic voices singing "Summer Holiday"] Aargh, they're coming!"

Or something?