Status report Page 5,217

Sooty, you are the PERFECT person for that job.

Hilarious - how does it work? I get the app, I can't be arsed to text someone, so I look and see if you have come up with the right words?

At least you'll get to see if that chat up line ever works

Quote: sootyj @ August 16 2013, 11:10 PM BST

Actually what the blue f**k are those f**ked up things, they're inflatable and seem to have a fluid drain built in.

Do they come with a safety word?

View original

God knows, although it is nice to see that in the 21st century we have shoes that resemble a naked woman on her knees.

It's like Germaine Greer never happened.

Pretty muchthat's how it works, its got headings and then you find a specific message you send.

Kinda like;
"Dinners in the oven I've driven me and the kids off the cliff, valium ran out."

But I dunno witty. I checked out my client database the other day and a third of my clients are women; motivational speakers, dance instructors all wanting a light, feminine comedy touch.

I'm kinda Jack Nicolson in as good as it gets; I've even been invited to write bespoke pornography for ladies.
Weird though not so interested in the Mr Gray figure as the colour of his drapes and the brand of toiletries in his bathroom.

"bespoke pornography"? Is that like bespoke curtains?

How..what..I have so many questions.

What are the headings?

Yes, I didn't write. I have a few principles, porn, progun lobby stuff, racist articles and anything about zebras,

And yes it was mostly about curtains, carpets andthat's not a euphemism.
Actually very little about sex.

I wrote a guide to discreetly pooing in public toilets for a charming client, who wanted to give it to her girlfriends as a Christmas present.
She then booked me to write a dating guide based on 50 shades, but I gave up after a 100 pages reading the original.

Quote: Jennie @ August 16 2013, 11:14 PM BST

God knows, although it is nice to see that in the 21st century we have shoes that resemble a naked woman on her knees.

It's like Germaine Greer never happened.

View original

I don't like the shoes but a naked woman on her knees is nothing to do with feminism.

Reminds me of the bit of fry and Laurie sketch with the shoe shop brothel

MR DALIARD!?!

hilarious

Quote: Marc P @ August 16 2013, 11:26 PM BST

I don't like the shoes but a naked woman on her knees is nothing to do with feminism.

View original

It's because you're too mean to buy a proper glass table and just balance a piece of glass on two of your admiring fans.

Ben is off for his daily shower.

Quote: sootyj @ August 16 2013, 11:19 PM BST

I wrote a guide to discreetly pooing in public toilets for a charming client, who wanted to give it to her girlfriends as a Christmas present.

View original

People pay for that kind of shit??? I'm getting back on elance.

Quote: Marc P @ August 16 2013, 11:26 PM BST

I don't like the shoes but a naked woman on her knees is nothing to do with feminism.

View original

The inference in this case is the celebration of sexual submission. Why on earth would you put it in shoes otherwise?

However, there are of course occasions when a woman can be naked on her knees in a loving, intimate and equal context.

First post of the day - solid start.

Morning everyone.

Quote: Jennie @ August 17 2013, 11:13 AM BST

However, there are of course occasions when a woman can be naked on her knees in a loving intimate and equal context.

View original

Does that chat up line ever work Jennie?

Quote: Shandonbelle @ August 17 2013, 11:16 AM BST

Does that chat up line ever work Jennie?

View original

ALL my chat up lines work, Shandy

But of all my chat up lines - I fear one about blow jobs is likely to be particularly effective.

Quote: Shandonbelle @ August 17 2013, 11:07 AM BST

People pay for that kind of shit??? I'm getting back on elance.

View original

For my shit,my shit is the best

I am happy to help you get into the female mind, Soots. Think of it as a guided tour. Give me some headings and we'll work it out

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNKIjLLZMWs&feature=youtube_gdata_player