Quote: paul ivey @ August 11 2013, 9:56 AM BSTThank you. I want to be honest with myself and write what "I" find funny. A lot of people write what they think others like.
If my my stuff sucks, it sucks, but I'm gonna keep at it.
Thank you, sir.
This is a vanity outing right? You should put the finished script in Showcase, where you'll get the praise without the annoying criticism.
As sootyj said you should criticise people's work in their actual threads.
Quote: Marc P @ August 11 2013, 10:14 AM BSTIt's a big word, experiment a bit at home first.
Mark sorry Samuel Johnson beat you to the dictionary
You could have a staff job on the sootyj rude pun listening
I'm going to call it the dicktionary
Now I am quite discombobulated!
And I thought you were impertubable
Quote: Marc P @ August 11 2013, 10:21 AM BSTNow I am quite discombobulated!
Is that a 70s dance?
Quote: Godot Taxis @ August 10 2013, 6:29 PM BSTThe first thing that grated with me is the Americanisms: 'hives', 'ballpark', 'bellhop'. Unless your script is set in America these actually undermine characterisation as well as irritate.
Interesting that you wrote that, Godot. I wasn't sure if I would sound pedantic if I mentioned it, but it really leapt out at me.
I sort of disagree with Sooty here, because I don't think the characfters are lifeless - "Let's make this a happy room", for example, tells us a lot about the character already, and the right facial reaction could set up the relationship really well.
So, yes, these are nice, brief establishing swipes. I guess I'd like to see a scene with real plot meat to comment on how well the sit com might work, but I'm not avwerse to this at all.
Also, unless I missed the point and they were being sarcastic about the hives, the idea of a man who has a violent anaphylactic reaction to felines from the other side of the room agreing voluintarily to look after a cat is just too much - real Get Me Hennimore! stuff. If the guy does have a bad allergy, then perhaps have one of the other characterd agree to look after the cat, and try to hide it from him...?
Quote: Tursiops @ August 11 2013, 9:53 AM BSTIt's a decent line.
Is it? 
I suppose if we knew his father did no such thing and that it's all a pretence it might be sligthly funny, but on its own...
Now, I am intrigued by the idea of a kid making videos claiming he's going to shoot up the place, but that is a DARK idea, and seems to be a difficult fit in a script about naughty moggies and the "Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep".
Quote: Marc P @ August 11 2013, 10:08 AM BST. And lines are the carapace of a successful sitcom not its skeleton.
That is truly excellent.
Quote: gappy @ August 12 2013, 10:10 AM BSTIs it?
I suppose if we knew his father did no such thing and that it's all a pretence it might be sligthly funny, but on its own...
The joke is that the character is laying claim to a credibility he is not entitled to. He has not himself experienced hard work, he is claiming a knowledge of hard work based on the fact that his father worked hard. It is character based humour demonstrating self-delusion, rather than a quip made by the character; or at least I assume that is the intention.
In context and with the right character set up I can see that it could be funny. Think a James Bolam chippy working class layabout like Roy Figgis or Terry Collier.
Probably needs a follow up though to drive the joke home: "Aye, you know enough about hard work to make sure you avoid it." Something like that.
Quote: gappy @ August 12 2013, 10:14 AM BSTThat is truly excellent.
Cheers.
Quote: Marc P @ August 11 2013, 10:08 AM BST. And lines are the carapace of a successful sitcom not its skeleton.
Your vocabulary is really very impressive. You're like a walking dictionary 
Quote: Jennie @ August 12 2013, 2:32 PM BSTYour vocabulary is really very impressive as are your looks. You're like a wanking dictionary
don't we all know it
I've been called something similar 