The Chavs and the Chav Nots

FADE IN

INT. DEPARTMENT STORE - DAY

A Burberry-check-baseball-cap-wearing-tattooed-skinhead-chav brings a load of items up to the cashier and puts a credit card on the counter saying.

CHAV
Put it all on that yeah darling!

CASHIER
(picking up the card)
OK sir but you'll have to.......

She then trails off what she is saying once noticing something on the card and calls her manager over, whispers something in his ear and shows him the card.

MANAGER
Is this your card sir?

CHAV
(ranting)
Oh I see, that’s lovely innit? Just 'cos I ain't everyone's ideal of what respectability looks like I must be some kinda villain with a stolen card and out to rob ya! What is it that gave me away, the hair maybe (takes off cap), no it's the tatts innit it or maybe the earring?

MANAGER
Well sir.....

CHAV
(interrupting)
You do know anyone can get a credit card nowadays dontcha pal and my money's just as good as anyone's wearing a suit and with a double-barrelled name....

He says pulling at the manager's name badge.

The rant continues so the manager backs off saying to the cashier.

MANAGER
OK Sandra, please carry on serving the gentleman

So the cashier rings everything up while chavman huffs and puffs until she tells him the full amount, before putting his card into the chip and pin machine and sheepishly asks.

CASHIER
Can you please pin in your number for me Dr Patel?

A pregnant pause showing chavman looking a bit fooked and then legging it out of the store a bit shaprish!

FADE OUT

Hi Ima - I could see that one coming I'm afraid. I thought it was either going to be a female name as in "Mrs Johnson" or an ethnic name such as the one you had. Maybe if you got to the punchline even quicker and missed out some of the lines it would give less time for the penny to drop. Perhaps as soon as the Chav has finished his wee rant the Cashier simply says something like "I'm very sorry Dr Patel but I just have a query with your card" and saying the "Dr Patel" bit very sarcastically. Sketch could end right there with the Chav realising his stupidity and leaving swiftly. Just a thought mate.
And do Doctors actually have Dr on their cards and not just Mr? - maybe they do - this just got me curious!
Anyway - keep them coming mate.
Dr Andy (Dr of Love)

Sorry but I agree it was a bit predictable. And there are lots of variations of this joke about. Simpsons did it with Apu's American passport, Ideal did it the other night with a woman's passport.

How about a nice twist at the end?....maybe he really IS Dr Patel and an Indian man walks past and says hi Doc to him and they begin a conversation in Hindi leaving the cashier looking stunned.

No that’s no problem Andy if you got it before the reveal but that's probably as much due to your understanding of jokes being set up in general and hopefully most people are not as on the ball as you.

I suppose I’m also hoping that some of the descriptive stuff such as "A Burberry-check-baseball-cap-wearing-tattooed-skinhead-chav" wouldn’t stand out and be such a give away to anyone watching the sketch, as opposed to reading it off the page because the actor (assuming it was ever filmed) would just be wearing the clothes and have the look I've described, instead if me having to highlight these details, as is called for with the written word.

Once again as with other stuff I've written, the main reason I’ve prolonged it a little with the ranting, is to build up the anticipation and the final twist by making out the chav to be so aggrieved that the store staff had the audacity to judge him and then it turns out that they were right to do so all along.

It's like that all joke thing where you ask someone something such as can they play the piano and the they incredulously repeat the question over and over as if you have insulted them before finally saying no they can’t.

Your twist at the end has potential too by the way, so why not try to write it and put it up?

Hopefully ShopPie you have seen what I replied to Andy about the written details on a sketches script, as opposed to the visual aspect of it and I must admit I haven't seen that episode of The Simpson's or any of Ideal at all, but I suppose I would say that, wouldn’t I?

I know you aren't making you comments in a negative way so please don’t think I’m taking offence or anything as it's sometimes hard to get the tone across with written words, but I have this sketch up on my own personal forum site that I use just to have things recorded and the date on that was January 4th, although I’d had it in my head for about 2 years all in all, but I made a vow this year that I’d try to get everything in writing.

I suppose it just goes to show that often people can have the same or similar ideas.....I sound so defensive there, don’t I?

Sorry. I didn't mean to suggest you'd copied it Damn forums!!! It's just that I had seen it a few times before.

How about extending the sketch. They accept his ID and are serving him when another customer collapses. And someone shouts "Is there a doctor in the store?" And then we see the Chav. attempting to perform CPR.

..... saying that. My own extended idea now sounds familiar!!!!!! D'oh!!!

No I didn't for one minute think you were saying I had copied it ShoePie, it was just that I amused myself with how much explaining I was doing that it made me sound so defensive.

I do like you follow up idea though!

Hi ima

Agree with both ShoePie and Andy about the predictability. Maybe 'Professor' would be a better title (or some sort of educational qualification) when he clearly isn't, may sit better with the punchline. I think the 'racial' difference has been done to death, so maybe a clear class difference would be more appropriate like maybe 'Detective Chief Inspector Fotherington-Smythe'

I understand your points about building-up the tension but you still need a few jokes along the way. This should be easy enough in his ranting, just make a few exaggerations in his 'I'm a typical chav, aren't I?' diatribe and you should be okay, but you need to sort of build it up, I reckon. His tattoos could be spelt wrongly and the shop assistant and manager could try with difficulty to read them or his 'typical' hat gets caught on his earrings and he loses a bit of cool, maybe?

Hope this helps

Dan

Quote: imamazed @ February 28, 2007, 1:04 PM

No that’s no problem Andy if you got it before the reveal but that's probably as much due to your understanding of jokes being set up in general and hopefully most people are not as on the ball as you.

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But I think a good rule of thumb is not to patronize your audience. It was obvious I think you need to send it of into a completely different direction.