Another 2525 script from SootyJ

I'll only use 2 threads if nobody minds.

Bath time?

VO
In the year 2525, crime is a disease cured by the ability to see into the very future. Murder, fraud, HoloTV license evasion all stamped out before they can begin.
But what happens when our all powerful law makes set their sights on the lesser crimes?
When to think of crime is the crime it's self?

FX
Door bell rings, door slides open.

JANE
Who is it? Oh you're an ambulance man what are you doing here? No ones injured I was about to get in the bath.

DAVE
It's the new service, we predicted you were going to call us about a small rash on your knee that turns out to be nothing.

FX
Door bell rings, door bell slides open

JANE
Hello officer? I didn't call the police either.

MEL
Sorry I've been called to arrest you for making a false call for an ambulance to look at a small rash.

JANE
But I wasn't going to, look what's your number officer.

MEL
Now listen here.

FX
Doorbell rings, door slides open

JANE
Hello officer, 2 police men and an ambulance driver?

PETE
Inspector Pete internal affairs; you're about to get in an argument with officer Mel which so insences her she kills you, then the ambulance driver

DAVE
Hello!

PETE
...calls us then she kills him, then herself.

FX
Doorbell rings, door slides open

RUTH
Hello emergency undertaker, I've got 3 coffins in the back I got a call about 2 murders and a suicide.

DAVE
Tragic I'm about to be killed by her, then she tops herself.

MEL
I always thought I was such an upbeat type.

JANE
Get out of my flipping house all of you! I'm just going to bed.

FX
Various people leave grumbling.

FX
Doorbell rings, door slides open

MARCUS
Hello Marcus temporal causality enforcement, I heard you weren't planning on having a bath. Even a slight change to the ordered nature of events can lead to the destruction of universe as we know it.

JANE
Get lost

FX
Door slams shut

JANE
And so to bed with no bath.

FX
Huge explosion destroys the universe.

I like that.

Thanks once I started thinking about it the whole thing came out fully formed, like a tape worm.

Tape worms tend to come out in segments, but I know what you mean.

Quote: sootyj @ August 9 2013, 10:26 AM BST

DAVE
Tragic I'm about to be killed by her, then she tops herself.

MEL
I always thought I was such an upbeat type.

JANE
Get out of my flipping house all of you! I'm just going to bed.

FX
Various people leave grumbling.

FX
Door slams shut

View original

I think it could easily finish there and work nicely.

Liked this one the best from the three you posted, it's got that more 'humaney' feel I took them to want and it's not saturated in sc-fi babble like the others.

Thats interesting feedback, I was quite self concious about adding the scifi stuff in to make it work.

But it's a bit fillery is it?

I may restrict myself to the nobel prize winning jubblies and the bionic cat then.

I think the end needs to be she destoys the universe. I may drop the end of the world line earlier.

The thing I like about this sketch (puts on pseusd beret and pours a glass of absinthe)
is none of the characters are funny. It's entirely the settingthat's the joke

Quote: sootyj @ August 9 2013, 11:57 AM BST

The thing I like about this sketch (puts on pseusd beret and pours a glass of absinthe)
is none of the characters are funny. It's entirely the settingthat's the joke

View original

True, but I'd be careful of letting that lead you down that path, I believe they are looking for 'character'...Little Britain was full of 'em.

That is true and the cheery MOL guy I think I can make a runner, like wise the mechanic who fancies robots.

"Mechanic these breast units have been more than adequately polished."

but some times you gotta go with your gut.

Have I sent them off anywhere?

Jokes like wine and flatulence get richer the longer they mature.

I wish it was less than six weeks, I find I write better with a ticking clock looming.

Write in the shadow of Big Ben?

Have you got his number?

I know exactly what he's upto!

No I mean I havent written completed and submitted them yet.

The longer the gap between first writing and final submission the better.

another bump